How much do you play with your kids?

[Emily45]

I have a toddler and a daughter in her second year of primary school. I come from a pretty neglectful family myself and honestly I don't know what I'm doing or really how to play with them without just thinking about everything else I have to do which stops me from fully engaging. I carry so much guilt for this as my oldest is always asking me to play.

So honest answers only please!!! ❤️

Mine are teens now but I did used to play with them a fair bit.
i used to enjoy doing baking/ craft/ Lego/ reading. Going to the park and walks we did lots of. Could you do something like that?
imaginative play was harder as I used to find it quite dull.
what does your daughter want you to do with her ?

Imaginative play 😭

Always playing around/messing about with them.

Lots of puzzles, drawing and craft, reading, walks and days out, chatting.

Some board games, baking and imaginative play.

It's time and engagement that's more important than actual play so just pick the activities that you like the best and do those with them, the stuff that is boring for you they can do with each other/friends.

I loved reading, going to the park, building Legos, board games etc but absolutely detested pretend play and would definitely try to redirect or make my kids play with each other for that!! It’s so boring!

My parents never played with me and I turned out fine.

Not much playing as find it so boring. But I spend time with time in other ways (as my mother did). So walks, baking, watching films together, holidays, hot chocolate in a cafe chatting, the odd board game

I don't do a big amount of play (ASC and hate open ended and abstract play). However I will do reading and more calm play such as drawing and play dough. DH does the crazy play.

Are your children safe, loved, cared for, attended to and given time/attention in other ways? If so, don't worry so much. No parent is perfect. I'm a social worker and have seen various great set ups, you don't have to be all singing and dancing.

I suppose, I dislike the energetic and loud open play rather than calm abstract actually, if that makes sense. But generally I don't play loads

Don't beat yourself up, OP.

The very best thing you can do is share books with them. Reading to them, listening to DD read, talking with them about the pictures etc. A trip to the library kills two birds with one stone - you all get out of the house and get to choose books.

I used to spend a large chunk of each day on the floor playing with my daughter and her toys. When she was very young, she loved the little tykes people and then started to build uk a huge collection of sylvanian families when she was about 3 or 4. I had kept my collection of tiny rag dolls )between 1-2" tall) that my Mum had made me when I was little, as well as my dolls house and other buildings my Mum had made, and she loved these too. I used to enjoy it and it took me back to my childhood. My daughter was still playing with her sylvanians until she was 9 or 10, although she didn't want to play with toys like that with me after she was about 6.

When I worked as a Nanny I would play with the kids for 10-12 hours a day (and that’s not easy!) as the family would have other staff to do cooking/cleaning etc and so my duty was 100% childcare. As a parent myself now looking back, I really don’t think that’s a healthy set up for a young child - where is their chance to get bored and therefore use their own imagination and creativity to entertain themselves. Plus they never are used to their own company. As a parent now I obviously can’t give 100% of my time to playing as that’s not real life, I have a job, I have housework, laundry etc etc. My children have amazing imaginations creating play opportunities by themselves and with their siblings. I played with them a lot when they were 0-5 but now that they are primary school aged I honestly don’t often “play” with them anymore - I read with them every day, they help me make dinner in the kitchen, we play a board game sometimes, we take the dog for a walk together etc.

Also ... you can play doctors/hospitals with you lying on the sofa whilst they tend to you. Listen to your heartbest, take your temperature, give you medicine, bandage your arm ... I have several tips for idle parenting 😊

I had forgotten about the doctors and builders kits! My mum and I used to spend ages being bandaged and injected 😆😆. And my daughter was always trying to unscrew things with her huge plastic screwdriver, and saw things up 😆

In the minority here but I loved imaginative play with my ds when he was small. We played Spiderman, Bob The Builder, Crazy town... We used to pull all the cushions off the sofa to make the airship! It was so much fun. My ds had a really advanced vocab early on and I'm sure it was down in part to all the imaginative play although we also chatted to ds at every opportunity.

@HarrietStyles agree 100%.

As an older childcare provider I’ve seen the shift over the years. In the 80s and 90s people wanted me to take their kids outside and read to them. Facilitate them (if they asked for help) but NOT entertain them. Then I went through years of entertain my kid every single minute (which is when I left preschool age jobs as I don’t want to be Prince Charming!) and now I’ve seen the shift back to “please let my kids figure out this stuff themselves” obviously don’t ignore them, but let them use their own imagination. Always reading and always park time, but at home let them get on with it safely.

I'd spend ages playing dolls house & schools with my DD. We'd come up with different scenarios. It helps that I had girls as I don't think I would know what to do with boys ☺️

I believe you can get a ‘real’ mini Dyson Hoover for them to run around the house with 😂

I don't play with my dcs but I take them out a lot, and I pay for loads of workshops, classes, theatre shows, concerts, and day camps where professionals keep them entertained all day long. We are out all day every day in school holidays and every weekend. We do very little at home but they do art classes, Lego clubs, imaginative drama, dance and lots of other stuff.

Hide and seek
Duplo
Play dough
Drawing
Dance party
'cleaning'
Reading books

I'm a SAHM so lots of hours to kill. I would much rather be doing housework than playing honestly but things really go to shit when I don't make sure I'm fully engaged with the kids for a certain amount of time each day. If I commit to that time, they are more likely to be happy playing alone the rest of the day.

Probably 2.5 hours spread out in various ways over 7am-6pm.

The rest of the time is eating, napping, traveling to and from things, activities, and independent play.

I dont enjoy playing games but, I take them out for walks, cinema, shops, reading books etc.

I don't play with mine either but we spend a lot of time together in other ways and always chat and I also read books.

My dh is great at playing with our 3yo, and so are the grandmas when they visit.

I prefer getting dd involved with me on useful tasks, like cooking or whatever. I've got these child safe knives I rave about.

My FIL is fab at this... he's great at DIY so every time he visits (even before DC) he asks what we need doing, he's so nice - then he takes DD too! She holds the torch, passes the tools, holds the item steady that he's hammering, whatever. Genius

Hey everyone!

Thanks for all your lovely replies! Just to clarify I mainly mean imaginative play. I enjoy playing, painting, reading, tickle fights, puzzles etc. I'm just rubbish when it comes to the make believe stuff and playing with figures, barbies, baby dolls etc. My daughter seems to only consider these truly "playing" and will complain I haven't played even when I do these other activities with her x

I hope you find this ebook helpful.
https://www.scribd.com/document/697232690/16-Simple-Tips-on-How-to-Raise-an-Independent-Child

Ah to answer your updated question op - basically never! I hate pretend play it's so exhausting because it's impossible to get it "right" ie comply with dd's demands!

I mentioned on a post a few weeks ago how I came into the living room and my DM was sort of sprawled face down on the rug while DD leaned over her with her stethoscope - DM was a sick octopus apparently. Lol dd knows better than to ask me to do that, "no thanks dd"