Hi mumsnet,
I’m here as I have desperately lost control of both my 2 and 4 year olds behaviour. I live overseas, far away from any family (although admittedly they would not be of any help anyway), and I am a sole parent to both children. There was DV with the father and he hasn’t wanted to do supervised time - he hasn’t made an effort to see them for 18 months.
To put it mildly, there are definitely better behaved children out there and I’m absolutely exhausted trying to parent/discipline them. For example, I go into a coffee shop to get a takeaway drink, they are immediately unclicking the seatbelt of the pram, clambering out to grab the biscuits on the side and I have to start trying to grab them off either of them to which they start either laughing or screaming. This is typical for them and just a small example of what I have to navigate. The oldest, my son, is a particular handful and finds the naughty behaviour amusing. I have tried taking toys away, putting him in time outs and nothing works. I feel like my 2 year old daughter gets encouraged by him and copies his behaviour and it feels like they are working as a team. When he goes for a timeout, he laughs or he just continually kicks the door until I open it. There are generally no aggressive outbursts or anger issues generally but he seems extremely hyper active and perhaps even just enjoys the attention it generates.
I am a soft spoken person and I’m not sure if my gentle nature in general is allowing him to walk all over me. I’ve tried getting down to his level, using a firm voice to which he just nods and agrees with what I say, before he just does it all over again. I am so drained. If I tell my 2 year old daughter no, she gets in a strop, will hit me and/or scream and sulk on the floor. It’s absolutely humiliating and soul destroying. My mum came over to visit last Christmas, they became hyper and overexcited to have a guest over and they started laughing, shouting, running and jumping on the sofa. My mum said this isn’t her problem and would go out everyday and do her own thing without us to avoid it all.
I went to the GP, my children were acting okay (ish), but then when I started discussing the behavioural issues, my son immediately started running around, pulling the paper sheet off the bed, pressing the phone buttons etc. She didn’t offer any advice but to say I’m doing the best I can in the circumstances.
I’ve recently started dating someone who I’ve known (although not in close proximity) for two years. I’ve always rushed past him with the pram as I know my kids are a ticking time bomb in most places that aren’t parks or play centres. We had a few one on one dates (my children are in daycare two days a week) and then once he suggested grabbing a bite to eat. I made sure my 2 year old was asleep in the pram to not cause an unmanageable situation, set up a puzzle and some colouring for my son but after around 15 minutes he started acting up, jokingly biting my arm, jumping on my love interest and grabbing his beard, putting handprints all over the window. Everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. No concern for any repercussions and seems to behave this way for the sole amusement of it. My love interest looked horrified, I would be amazed if he wants to get involved and I am becoming depressed. I feel so drained by it all.
Please help with any advice mumsnet