Advice on seeing child

[Justadad95]

Hey 7 weeks ago myself and partner split. I was still seeing my son daily up until Saturday just gone when It turned out she up’d and left with him to her dads 30 miles away.
today I went to visit son which was pre-arranged and agreed however on arrival non of her family would answer there phones or answer the door after a few minutes the police arrived to my shock. Turns out they rang the police and made out they had no idea I was coming to see my 7 year old son. Police said it was a civil matter and rightfully so.
i spoke to my son on the phone and he kept asking if I can come back up and see him (I could hear her family laughing in the background about it all) it got to the point my 7 year old said to his mum ‘you’re so spiteful I want see my dad and you won’t let me’
i know I can go via courts ect but that takes time. Yes I have parental responsibility.
i have read that legally she can not prevent me from seeing my son as there is no court order but putting that into practice is just impossible.
so what are my options? Can I legally walk into her father’s house, pick him up and leave with him?
I’ve been a hands on dad throughout his entire life I work nights but still did the daily school runs ect. I was also the only one to spend quality time with him daily also.
im just at a loss on what I can do in the meantime. It is worth noting that shes severely depressed at the moment has attempted suicide one recently and I have text messages where she’s said I can 1) have full custody and 2) she’s still suicidal now
Thanks.

Im glad to read you've contacted social services. I understand your fears for your EX but your DS (dear son) safety has to be your priority. That's not just making sure he's safe currently but also in the future. If you end up in court it won't be convincing you saying you're concerned for his safety if you haven't gotten social services involved to try and address those concerns and keep him safe. Hopefully involving them will help your EX get the support she needs to, but your concern needs to be keeping your child safe even if that means from his mother. If you have any immediate concerns that she will commit suicide you should ring the non urgent police line tell them your concerns and hopefully they'll do a welfare check on her and your DS.

Thank you for the advice & help with this situation.

Yes so unfortunately due to yesterday when the police also told her that she shouldn’t be withholding him from seeing me as he told the police he wanted to she then blocked me so I have sent her an email this morning just with the usual can I come back up and see him & that he needs to have a healthy relationship with both parents ect. Just so there is something in writing

Very good idea and I would suggest to keep everything in writing going forward, whether that be email or text message.

Today I would speak to the police and ask for an urgent welfare check. You have evidence of her mental health problems and things have escalated. Son is old enough to have his voice heard so I would ask the police to consider removing him from that situation and putting him into your care due to all the issues his mum is having and your son being really destressed being there.

As her dad is my contact going forward it would have been her sister however the police said ‘she has a clear conflict of interest’ I have also downloaded a phone recorder on my phone so that any phone calls with her dad regarding my son are also recorded.

I’m assuming welfare was included yesterday and they did say to her she needs to get support regarding her mental health. I don’t know what else was said as I wasn’t inside the property.

You need to absolutely follow all the procedures in place. No snatching, no putting the child in the middle etc etc. You can ask the court to intervene immediately to ensure continuity of schooling and medical care (a specific issue order) whilst long term care is organised. As for her mental health, it's in the child's best interest that she is supported by the appropriate medical/social care teams.

How you feel about her is completely irrelevant and you have to put your child first at every stage. You can't control what she does, you can only control what you do.

But things have escalated and she’s blocked you.
you’re worried about his health and education, you have evidence of her saying she will take her own life, your son has made it clear he wants to be with you. So ask the police to remove him from the potentially dangerous situation.

Everything in writing is good if you can manage it. It might be worthwhile writing down what happened yesterday while you have a clear recollection of it and any other important interactions over the last few weeks including anything she's said that has made you concerned for your son's safety or ber safety and mental health. If you think there's a genuine risk to his safety because of his health condition this should also be raised with social services and maybe wirh your EX, ask her whay safety plan she has in place if he needs emergency care. Write down anything and everything you feel might be relevant.

The police won't do that. They can't. This needs to be court ordered. The police will also see there is other family there.

Courts can see cases urgently (ie within a couple of days) if the OP is that concerned.

Police would only get involved and remove the child if his life was in immediate danger or if a court had ordered them to.

In this case, as bad as it is, the Police would be unlikely to get involved.

This is excellent advice regards writing everything down each day. We used to do that and then email it to ourselves so it was date and time stamped.

Thank you all. I will be writing everything to down separately also just so there is a log of everything

The child is the most important person here, not your ex and not you. From what you have told us, she is not acting in his best interests, so you need to contact social services and pursue mediation/court. It is not on you if she self harms because of that. Get the best outcome for your child.

I 100% agree. Just for off the phone with him and he sounds like he’s getting really ill. Due his immune condition that can be pretty serious. When asked if she’s even got him into doctors she refused to answer. I know she hasn’t as son said he’s not going doctors

Not sure why you're recording calls. I don't think that you can use that as evidence in Court?

And no, the Police won't remove him. You haven't even applied for a Child Arrangements Order yet.

You can use them but permission is needed from the court first. They will hear the audio if it relevant to what is being decided.

So one of the issues I had yesterday was that the arrangements was done via phone call. I was more bothered about seeing my son than thinking about getting it in writing. When the police asked if I had anything in quitting and explained no it was done on the phone and shown call history as recent as 20 mins before arriving up there they asked if i had recorded it by any chance. Answer was no. So now any phone calls I’ll record incase it happens again.