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Parenting

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Original poster

help. so angry at dds i stripped their room

52 replies

okheregoes · 17/03/2008 18:03

my dds have been obnoxious madams for months now. Constantly screaming at each other, calling each other names.

Their room is vile. They have clean and dirty clothes covering the floor amongst who knows what rubbish. They have their lunch bags up there going mouldy.

I got to the point of telling them to constantly clean it so i told them to live in it.

Only now i have just found my makeup in there ruined. My mobile in there broken been trodden on where they cannot see the floor. My psp has also just turned up having been trodden on.

I am so fecking angry its untrue. So i have just stripped their room of their tv/ dvd their karaoke machine and all their bits and bobs. They have no respect for anything so why should i let them have anything.

I know when i calm down i will feel guilty but right now i dont want to even see them.

They are 12 and 14 by the way.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

McDreamy · 17/03/2008 18:05

I am no where near teenagers yet but it sounds like you do need to take some sort of drastic action.

CarGirl · 17/03/2008 18:07

I think you have made a wise move, make them earn each thing back.

I'm dreading the teenage years - I've 3 girls in 3 years!!!!!!!!!!!!

squimlet · 17/03/2008 18:09

oh dear. Well I cant say I blame you.
Nice deep breath now and a few choccy biscuits

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Original poster

okheregoes · 17/03/2008 18:13

it doesnt help i have my parents interferring all the time. Im in my bloody late 30's and they still think they know better than me.

As soon as they see dd's dd's will say whta i have done and my parents will say come stay with us this/next weekend. and spoil them rotten so they come back even more obnoxious. Not happening this time if i have to tell my parent to f off.

I have never hit my dd's but i came close tonight cos i was so angry. So i have told them to stay intheir rooms and out of my way.

But now i worry they will think im so evil and they are better off if they run away.

Thing is my parents are disabled and on benefits and they want my girls living with them so they get more money.

My head is spinning im so angry

OP posts:

Miggsie · 17/03/2008 18:18

How dreadful for you.
Perhaps you could let the girls stay with your parents for a while. I'm sure if it became two weeks rather than a few days your parents would change their minds.
And I do not think you are unreasonable...frustrated, yes.
I remember my mother saying "anything still on the floor by tonight will be burned"...what an incentive!

CarGirl · 17/03/2008 18:18

your parents aren't very nice are they?

Original poster

okheregoes · 17/03/2008 18:22

no way my eldest son went to stay for a week and they had looked into income support and housing benefit and how to get his child benefit too. id just finished ordering dd her kicker shoes she wanted too. Cancelled them.

I just dont know where to turn next. If i talk to my mum she willsee it as an oppurtunity to get them.

Dh has said for a long time they needed more discipline and they were spoilt.

I honestly dont know what to do next.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 17/03/2008 18:24

set up new ground rules and perhaps distance them from your parents a bit more...........as well as the money side do they think your dc would act as unpaid carers????

collision · 17/03/2008 18:25

Stick to your guns and do not give them their stuff back.

They are your children and do belong to your parents! at them thinking of the money they would get if the children lived with them.

you need to toughen up and set boundaries and tell them they need to help in the house etc and do jobs and then they can earn their stuff back.

collision · 17/03/2008 18:37

If I was worried about this I would ring the tax office and tell them about the plan your parents have!

That way they would not get more money but still have the children to think about.

I think your DH needs to get involved in this too and tell your parents to butt out!

Original poster

okheregoes · 17/03/2008 18:43

My parents dont live near us. They have no manners at all even my 4yr ds tells them to say please and thankyou.

My mum has said before she only gets a cup of tea made when my girls are there. and how great it is that my dd's will load/unload the dishwasher and help out.

Only last weekend they were being nasty about who's turn it was on nans laptop. And dh said thats enough neither of you go on it out it up. 10 minutes later nan comes in and its nan can we go on your laptop. she says yes and dh said no i actually told them they couldnt as they were arguing. she gives dh a look and says to dd's well your dad says no. Dh said he really had to bite his tongue.

Its like they constantly undermine us.

And whats more attractive parents that set rules and boundaries or gp who let you do what you like!

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 17/03/2008 18:45

You did the right thing, and the great thing is that your DH is on your side about disciplining them.
Your parents are complete nutters and I wouldn't blame you if part of the punishment was that they didn't see the grandparents for a while. I'd be furious with all of them (your DDs and your parents).

collision · 17/03/2008 18:47

I would keep away from them for a while IIWY and have a chat with your dds.

Do they do anything to help at all at home?

What did they say when they saw what you had done?

Original poster

okheregoes · 17/03/2008 18:48

Im worried about the fact that im so flippin angry.

Also how do i follow this up with my dd's now.

they will be on their best behaviour for a week wanting their stuff back and then it goes back to way it was.

Already made my mind up not going to gp for a good month and if when we do my parents undermine me again im going to give it to them both barrels.

I just feel i have been totally taken the piss out of and im sick of it. I know dh is right but hasnt helped him constantly telling me im too soft.

OP posts:

Original poster

okheregoes · 17/03/2008 18:51

thye do do a little round the house, but they normally do it so bad i end up doing it all.

I didnt do their room i made them bag it all up. And they both cried their eyes out. which made me feel like hell. Even now they keep walking past me giving me sad looks.

OP posts:

moondog · 17/03/2008 18:52

Good for you.
They sound like they have no respect for you or your property.

DoodleToYou · 17/03/2008 18:53

Message withdrawn

collision · 17/03/2008 18:53

You are entitled to be angry but not out of control.

You need to sit down as a family and tell them what is expected of them.

Keeping the room tidy so you can clean it.
Making their bed each morning.
Dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
Clean clothes put away.

What else do you want them to do?

Little one setting the table.
Older ones make dinner once or twice a week.
Clearing the table and stacking the dishwasher.

jura · 17/03/2008 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

okheregoes · 17/03/2008 19:01

All i want is some level of decentcy and respect from them.

Respect for the fact that they a great bedroom with lots of great things in it. They have lovely clothes and make up and girly things they like.

I just want their room tidy.

Clean clothes put away.

Dirty washing in their dirty wash basket and brought down once a week.

Rubbish put in the bin.

And their beds made.

And not to hear them call each other bratzs and div's and losers.

Is that too much too ask for.

The room is now empty apart fronm the necessatives. And i think it should stay that way for at least 2 wks before they can start to earn bits back.

Does that sound fair?

OP posts:

franke · 17/03/2008 19:02

Rather than your dh constantly telling you you're doing it wrong (which he is when he tells you you're too soft) perhaps the two of you can sit down and come up with a strategy to deal with this and bring you're family back together. From what you've said here it needs to be a stick and carrot approach and it needs to be consistent. Your dds need to start showing some respect and they will only do that if they know you will follow through every time and that you and dh are united in your resolve. I don't think you should feel bad by the way - you've made a start and need to keep it up. And as you say, keep away from your toxic parents as it will give you a chance to sort this out without their constant undermining presence. Good luck (btw DoodleToYou said it much better than me )

franke · 17/03/2008 19:03

Crossed posts - I think what you want sounds more than reasonable.

collision · 17/03/2008 19:05

Maybe start a reward system.

If you hear them calling each other names then they will lose something else.

If they can be respectful to each other then they get a sticker(I know they are a bit old for this!) with a present at the end.

or something similar

Original poster

okheregoes · 17/03/2008 19:06

I hav ethreatened them with the emptying of the room before but i have never done it. Now i have maybe they will start to realise i have had enough.

I just want them to grow up to be lovely polite young women.

OP posts:

BibiThree · 17/03/2008 19:06

Good on you, show them you mean business. Make them follow the rules and for every week they do it, they get something back at the end of that week. Every time they become obnoxious, something leaves again.

You are the parent, stay calm, I know it must be so ahrd to stay calm, I'd be livid, but you are ultimately in charge.

Good luck.

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