When does it get easier after going from 1 to 2 children?

[doodlepants]

We're hoping to start trying for baby n2 in May and, hoping all goes well, DD1 will be about 3.5 to 4 when second baby arrives.

I found 0-1 kids really hard and know that 1-2 could very well be no walk in the park either but I have come to realise now that DD is a toddler that those dark days don't last as long as they feel at the time.

My question is: if you found going from 1-2 children hard, when did it feel a bit easier? When did you have that moment when you realised you were going to be okay? With DD1, I think at a year I suddenly realised I had this.

Dd was an "easy" baby, so really interested to hear from mums for considered their second both to be "easy" or more challenging babies.

Thanks a lot.

I had an easy first and a very difficult second. Third was a dream...

It just slowly gets a bit easier as time goes on. Number 2 and subsequent ones are mostly about figuring out logistics rather than navigating the massive life changes and emotional upheavals that number 1 usually brings, so in that way it's simpler from the start.

You've got quite a nice gap between which means by the time your second is running around the other one will be a bit more sensible, which will help a lot.

I think generally once your youngest child turns 3 things get a lot easier. The next watershed after that is around 7 in my experience.

I have a seven year old and a two year old.

It's steadily become easier over the last six months, I'd say.

It's still difficult at times, but nowhere near as hard.

I agree with this, I feel we had it 'easy' for about 4 months as then DC2 was born. And that was the end of that hah.

Having a second didn't have many of the challenges as having a first did for me as I already knew a lot by then. Also DC2 was a fairly easy newborn and although got more difficult after that, he wasn't and still isn't at 2 anywhere near as 'difficult' as DC1. I'm fact at 2 and 5 I still find I often am having more conflict and issues with DC1!

The logistics side of things does make thing trickier and I think especially at these ages now it's about outings and things and making sure everyone's happy. I hadn't anticipated that would be that hard as their gape isn't massive. But what complicates that is that DC2 has health conditions that affect his mobility and physical stamina, this is becoming less of an issue as time goes on though.

Day to day it really varies. They've started fighting recently too so there's a new added challenge I didn't have when DC2 was younger.

I find the first 6 months easy, then when baby got mine + toddler it got really hard, and then started to get easier from about 2 (but still harder than it was initially). Over the youngest was about 4 I think it generally got easier.

Earlier this year (April) we went from 1 to 2. I've got a 4 year age gap and I have found it easy on the whole - there have been a few bits where we have all been ill and it has felt like the hardest thing ever but that's been few and far between. The first 6 weeks I was a bit overwhelmed thanks to hormones and recovery but we went abroad on holiday at 2.5 months and since then it's felt straightforward.

My second is an easier baby (sleeps a bit better and is more chilled which I think is a temperament thing) but also I am more relaxed about it all etc. which has helped. My eldest was in nursery for most of the week which made a big difference and he is now in school. It's been great to be off whilst he settled in earlier this year and the chance to collect him at 3.30pm has been lovely.

I have absolutely loved maternity leave this time and I'm dreading going back to work in a couple of months. I was almost one and done and I honestly could not imagine life without my second now and I would even consider a third now. It's rolling a dice though - I mentally prepared myself for the same colic etc we had first time around and so I think my expectations were quite low.

DS1 (3y 8 months) extremely difficult baby, relatively straightforward toddler
DS2 (6 months) mostly straightforward baby so far

The hardest bit with 2 so far has been that tricky age when the baby is old enough to be out of the perpetually sleepy newborn phase, but still needs loads of sleep and feeding, but with absolutely no predictability. So like…10 weeks to 4.5ish months? Both of mine at this age have really resisted the lie flat pram and the sling as well, but obviously haven’t been quite big enough for the buggy or forward facing/back carry in the carrier. Balancing both of their needs for those 2 or so months was really hard.

Shy of those weeks it’s been fine. It’s been quite easy really since 5 months, DS2 loves standing up with support or sitting on my lap and watching DS1 play. Trips out take a bit more thought - I need to factor in frequent stops (in indoor places at this time of year) so DS2 doesn’t get fed up of being in the buggy and can have a sit/stand/roll. We use public transport a lot so DS2 isn’t too ‘contained’

My standards are lower this time around. DS2 gets put in the jumperoo where he can see the television when DS1 is watching it so I can cook tea for example. I leave DS2 to cry more, although thankfully he’s a relatively low crying baby.

DS1 does 3 days a week in pre school, 8:45-3:15. I’d be exhausted if he didn’t have this.

As always though, the temperament of the baby is the main decider. I think it would have been a massive struggle and an entirely different experience if they had been born the other way round.

Having two was fine at first, the baby didn't move and annoy the eldest etc.
Then it started getting trickier when the baby started moving and grabbing, and the baby starting teething etc.
Eldest started school when the baby was 8 months old - school runs are a pain in the arse with a baby.

Baby is 2 now and they're playing better together, teething has finished, it's generally getting loads better.

I found 1-2 a massive punch in the face. I didn't realise how crazy life would get. The bickering, eldest will be playing nicely and the toddler will come and break it, interrupt etc etc

Two months in and I’m really struggling. DC1 was a very needy baby but DC2 is a whole new level of neediness. Age gap is 2.5 years though so younger. I’m hoping it’ll get easier as DC2 grows out of the newborn phase.

Mine are 8 and 10, it's just got easier now they are both independent. There's some minor relief once they're both toilet trained and you can stop taking 'the bag' out with you.

DC1 was an incredibly easy baby and toddler. DC2 is making up for it. DC1 is 4, while DC2 is 21 months. Two and a half year gap.

Two hasn't been too bad on the whole. It's when they've got differing needs, like DC2 is crying, but DC1 wants to play that is difficult. Also the hard phase where baby is immobile, but oh so badly wants to move so they can follow their sibling around. It's hard ATM, as whatever one is playing with, the other one wants. And heaven forbid DC1 catches DC2 playing with a toy that belongs to them, even if they haven't played with it for ages. So much squabbling.....

But there is light. Watching them take an interest in each other. Running around after each other. Making the other laugh. Hugs and cuddles and kisses to make the other feel better. It's getting easier month by month. I can definitely see that when DC1 goes to school it get easier, and again when DC2 turns 3.

I heard/read somewhere 1 is 1 and 2 is twenty... it comes into my mind a lot! It is tough but I had a small age gap so had a toddler & newborn. That bit wasn't too bad! They play together though & love each other... when they're not trying to bash each other! Good luck

I was told that one child is like a pet. Two is like a zoo 😳😁

Then you have a third and it's like a safari park... you're never entirely sure where everyone is!

We have a 4 year gap. It works well. Both were nightmare babies but dc1 was busy with school when I was on mat leave and I was more confident (lazy) the second time round.

Now they are 8 and 4 they play a lot together and it's starting to get easier in terms of work, both will now come in and entertain themselves so I can finish my work day.

I have just under two years between mine. 0-1 was a huge shock to the system!

Having another newborn was easy than I thought it would be (but he was quite a laid back baby, not sure how I would have felt if he was colicky etc!). The hardest thing was juggling giving the toddler attention when feeding the baby… I kept emergency snacks in my pocket for a couple of months and quickly perfected how to rock both at the same time.

Now they are 1 and 3 it’s harder but also absolutely brilliant. I’m a SAHM at the minute and I’m far more knackered than I have been in any job… but it is so rewarding watching them laugh together and play.

I would imagine a slightly older firstborn would be easier (my oldest still likes to run off at regular intervals which is a problem when pushing a pram!). Plus they’ll hopefully have more understanding when you’re feeding or changing the baby etc.

Easy first DD(8), very difficult second DS (nearly 5). It still feels harder than having just one easy toddler- more the mental load then the physical parenting though that’s still pretty intense too. I appreciate it’ll be different if the second turns out to be easier than the first.

I found 0 to 1 child extremely difficult but going from 1 to 2 children really easy!

I had an easy first baby and challenging second. The whole premise of ‘the second one just has to fit in around the first’ was totally wrong in our case, everything revolved around trying to keep the second from crying constantly.

children are now 7 & 4 and it’s got easier over the last year. It’s not been impossible mind you, but bloody hard and I’m feeling very happy now things are significantly easier.
good luck and I’ll be wishing you a really content, sleepy second baby 😂

I have 2 DDs - 9 and 3 - and a DS due in April. To be honest, other than usual baby tiredness, it was fairly easy when she was born. DD1 was 6.5 and much more independent. When DD2 was about 18mo to about 2.5, she was really quite challenging. She was very active and capable physically and very bright. However, she didn’t have the words yet to say what she wanted. That left her frustrated that she couldn’t do what she wanted to do and we didn’t understand her. Now, she’s got amazing speech which makes it so much easier to reason with her.

DS is due when DD1 will be 10 and DD2 will be 3.5. I’m hoping he slots in easily but we shall see. They are both really excited for a brother.

I have a 3 year age gap. I found 1-2 much easier than 0-2.
Every child is different and my second was harder than my first but having a baby already felt normal and that for me made everything more relaxed.

My first was very difficult. Didn't sleep longer than 45 minutes at a time, colicky, clingy. He became infinitely easier in toddlerhood, though still gives me a run for my money at 3.5.

My second was so easy, I was in shock because I thought all babies were like DS1. He slept through the night, drank from the breast and a bottle with no issues, happy to look at his toys for half an hour without attention. He is now 14 months and running circles around his brother.

It wasn't going from 1 to 2 that was a challenge here!

I'm currently almost 6 months in and it is getting slightly easier. DD1 has just turned 6 so there is a 5.5 year gap, which I think has helped in some ways as she is very independent.

But, after the first very sleepy 2 weeks with DD2 I felt like I was going to break with going from 1-2. I found it so so hard and didn't think I'd get through, but the weeks passed..somehow.

DD2 only wanted to contact nap and would sleep in 2-3 hour blocks with only a 45-60 min wake window in the early weeks, so I basically lived on the sofa. She also went through a colicky stage (but nothing compared to what DD1 was like, I don't think I've quite recovered from that). The school runs were hell, she would just cry because she would want to be asleep, I felt like DD1 was being neglected etc. I felt touched out, I couldn't do anything, barely had a chance to shower etc. The pockets of time I had were a rush to tidy/clean/sort stuff for my eldest.

Now, she is in a sort of routine (directed by her) will nap in the bed with some resettling and doesn't have feeds at night. School runs and getting out are easier, but is still dictated by her naps mostly.

I can breathe a little again, they adore each other. My eldest is fascinated about her being able to start weaning. She dances and shows her things whilst I do dinner etc.

I'm hopeful it will continue to be manageable.