Please help. 6mo, feeling so down and don't know what to do

[LunaBear26]

Please help me. My DH and I are at breaking point with our (almost) 6 month old son. I've literally just been in the kitchen making bottles and crying.

He has been the most unsettled baby since birth and it's not got any better. He cries all the time, needs to be held all the time and sleep is absolutely awful (wakes every 45-60 mins but last night had to be held most of the night as he wouldn't settle at all).

The sleep deprivation is really starting to get to both of us, particularly DH and I'm getting really worried about his mental health, to be honest. He's finding it really tough to handle the crying and not sleeping. I just tried to put him down for a nap 4 times and he woke each time so DH had to take over because I was getting so upset.

I had back problems before pregnancy and holding him all day is making things so much worse (he's 85th percentile so a big boy!). I'm so drained all the time. I tried to go out yesterday and he just cried and cried in the car seat so we didn't go. I just cried in the driveway and then went back inside.

We've looked into gentle sleep training (I got the Lucy Wolfe book) and are planning to give it a go in a few weeks as he's got a cold at the moment but I'm so worried that he'll just get hysterical and that it won't help at all. I've also looked into the Ferber method but I'm scared of trying it.

We just don't know what to do.

For some context, he was a forceps delivery and I don't think I realised how bad it was at the time. Looking back on the photos he was so swollen and bruised so I don't think this helped his temperament.
His feeding was awful and he had a tongue tie snipped at 12 weeks so super late.
His feeding didn't improve and at 18 weeks, after being sick of everyone just saying 'babies are all fussy eaters', I'd had enough and rang the GP. He's now on milk for cow-milk protein intolerance and doing better but still not great.
I swear he's been so upset and traumatised these things so early in life that it's still affecting him now. I just don't know what to do.

Any advice? I feel so down and like it'll never get any better. I'm going back to work in a month (DH has got about 3 months of parental leave so will be home with DS) and I don't think I can cope at work with this little sleep.

I lived in hell for the first 11 months of my youngest's life. It was absolutely awful. I know how you feel and just wanted to send you a hug. X

@LunaBear26 we used the disappearing chair method after we moved him into his own room, which was very gradual and we were always with him if he needed us. The hardest bit was stopping feeding him to sleep. You have to be committed to it though, but if babe is crying a lot anyway, some crying as a means to an end of more sleep may be worth it to you.

There’s a good website that shares LOADS of methods, it’s American though and they seem to have a different (more pragmatic!) approach to sleep training, but something there may resonate. It’s mybabysleepguide.com.

@Wrigglypiggly it's so hard isn't?! I'm dreading going back to work and everyone asking if we've had a lovely time, and then wondering whether to lie or be truthful that's its all a bit crap! I'm glad that there's light at the end of the tunnel, it doesn't always feel like it!

@magicravioli thanks! The gentle method we've read about sounds similar to the chair method. Fingers crossed it helps!

@LunaBear26 posted the other day as I feel the same about my 6 mot h old. Constant grizzle and general unhappiness so sending you love as I know it's so so so tough. I just keep saying 'today is a new day' and put one foot in front of the other to get by. It's survival

Just another adding my support. You will get through this a day at a time and life will return to normal and you will sleep again. Promise.

HI. Im so sorry you are having such a tough time. 😥 not what anyone wants with their new baby! U expect it to be blissful.
So my now 5 year old, was the same, albeit only for 6 weeks but i had 3 sons already and had never experienced anything like it, i couldnt figure out what was going on. Even out for strolls in pram he screamed! I felt like i was at my lowest point of my whole life. Anyway one day, after trying all different things and failing, i took him to see a client of mine(im home carer) i had promised to take him in while on my maternity leave, so at 6 weeks i did, by chance her neighbour was also in, who now has a career in cranial osteopathy, i explained his crying constantly and she asked if i minded her taking a look at him, of course i didnt, i was desperate at this point although sceptical that this stuff has any effect. However she ran her fingers very gently all over his little head/neck/back and tummy, and she explained that birth is very traumatic for baby and yet its never been a focus, and then thinking about it, of course it is. She then told me he had a tension in his neck, continued xgentle touch and he fell asleep. I left and came home, and to my absolute amazement, he never screamed again! I could not believe it later that night when i suddenly clicked that he had slept 3 hours in the afternoon, and hadnt cried once. So flook? Or the cranial osteopathy is a miracle? I will never know, but it is def worth considering. I was very lucky this was done out of the kindness of her heart because i believe it can b a bit expensive. But def worth it for a settled happy baby!

@Tjy wow, that amazing! I'm so glad they could help you that quickly!!

@testy1997 I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing, it's so awful but also good to know other people are experiencing it too, iyswim. Maybe I need a mantra for the start of the day too! At the moment, I just give a big sigh and try to phsyc myself up to get going! We're definitely in survival mode too! I hope it gets better for you soon! 😊