Holding back DS arms when feeding...

[Diamond345]

My DP told me that his sister told him that our DS (10 months )kept putting his arms up to avoid eating the food offered on the spoon , so she held his arms to get him to eat, which he then did. MIL was the one feeding him. When they took care of him whilst we went out.

DP did not address there was an issue with this at the time.I was not there to hear the conversation, but when it was relayed to me , it made me very upset to hear this.

Am i overreacting?

Should i address this with MIL and SIL?
How would you have this conversation?
Im not looking for an argument, but i don't think this should have happened nor happen again?

Anyone?

No idea. I doubt them forcefully pinned his arms behind his back whilst force feeding him but gently holding hands to stop a baby grabbing a spoon isn’t the end of the world. They were probably concerned about making sure he ate.

At my kids’ nursery they used to have a tea towel type thing round children when they’re eating so their hands wouldn’t get in the way when they were feeding them. I used a towel at home when I needed them to be fed quickly. Obviously they need to explore food for fine motor skills and general relationship with food, so not all the time, but this isn’t a big deal at all IMO.

Lots of kids try to grab spoons when you feed them. Moving their arms away so they actually get food into their mouths isn’t a bad thing. I used to give my DCs a spoon they could play with at feeding times, plus have some finger food on their tray for them to grab.
I’d get MIL to feed him one day whilst you’re there and see how she does it.

I think you're overthinking it. I would probably do the same if child was on my knee and they kept reaching out/, getting their arms in the way. It's something that can be done kindly if done the right way.

I think it’s fine. As long as he’s not forcibly spitting it out / crying etc

Yes you are overreacting. They were sensibly stopping him from bashing the spoon, not pinning him done to cry.

It’s fine. I used to have to do this when breastfeeding as their arms went everywhere and it distracted them from drinking.

He puts his arms up when he doesn't want to eat, so in my opinion they forced him to do something he didn't want to.

Yes. Report them for child abuse by force feeding to the NSPCC.

Madness. Christ on a bike.(to be utterly clear I am being sarcastic in the suggestion above. Obviously the OP should not report them and should give her head a wobble).

But in the op you say that he ate the food when they put his hands down - not that they forced him to eat?

Babies learn to feed them selves from grabbing at the spoon, and eventually holding it, and holding food and putting it to their mouths, so they need their hands to be free. They also push the spoon away or turn their head if they have had enough.
Feeding a baby should not be about shovelling spoonfuls down while holding their hands back, this can lead to babies being over fed.
Imagine what it must feel like to have your hands held and food put into your mouth when you were no longer hungry.
I agree with you OP.

You are wanting to find something to be upset about, only you know why

I don't think it's fine. Give him something to to occupy his hands like , oh I don't know, a spoon or some food?

Gently guiding an arm away is one thing, holding them back is another.

Talk to SIL - you only have second hand information from your DP. Ask SIL to explain what she did, and show you if necessary. If you think she is being too heavy handed then say ‘please don’t do that again’.

I agree with this. I’m surprised by how many people are happy holding a baby’s hands down while they are eating. Babies should be fed responsibly whether it’s spoon feeding or finger foods and if he’s indicating he doesn’t want to eat they should just leave it or try again later. He’s only 10 months and still having milk as his main source of nutrition.

Surely he wouldn’t have eaten the food if he didn’t want it? At 10 months he would be more than capable of spitting the food out or turning his head away, not just accepting food he didn’t want.

This's very old fashioned. It's recommended now that babies explore their food in /feed themselves with support. I'd ask dh to explain this to her

I'd be upset by this too, and agree with those saying it's old fashioned, baby's should be able to hold the spoon/explore and learn themselves by handling the food. My baby is 11 months and since I started weaning at 6 months she's eaten everything herself and eats very well, I appreciate she might be the exception I wasn't expecting her to eat much or everything she's offered but she just dives in. So no one needs to feed her when they're looking after her, but if this had happened I'd just speak to them and say please just leave him to it, if he doesn't want to eat that's ok

I agree 100% with @Abracadabra1

Seriously - if a child doesn't want to eat they will just keep their mouth shut!

Exactly, you won't get the spoon through the lips if they don't want to eat!

I wouldn't do it myself but the odd time isn't a big deal. He also won't have eaten it if they were making him physically uncomfortable.

Weaning babies shouldn’t be fed, they are much better off feeding themselves. They aren’t geese in a foie gras shed.

It’s certainly not how I’d feed my child and I wouldn’t allow others either. Yuck.