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Longish rant… Mum is asking “when’s the next child” also thinks i’m lying..

9 replies

PPAdvixe · 04/01/2024 23:13

Maybe i’m a big sensitive but living at home my mum will occasionally ask when i’m having the next child as my son will be an only child.

She also is obsessed with thinking that i’ve recently had an abortion? ( I haven’t + I’ve never) as being on ML i’m skint and had to ask her for money to treat an infection privately as the local NHS was fobbing me off keeping me on antibiotics that wasn’t working. She doesn’t believe me and she said she’s very sad bc that could have been a sibling.. ( Also that I have bc her friend paid for a private abortion… Tried to explain that abortions are free here no need for private)

The funniest thing is, my mum has sort of admitted to me she only had me to fill a void as she thought since her prestigious career was over and no way of returning to it that her entire life is over so she should have a child aka me. She didn’t date anyone or really do anything with anyone until I was around 18. People persuaded her to start dating or just have another child even from a one night stand but she refused. She has said sometimes she probably should have considered one more child….

I just don’t like it and she’s the only one mentioning it, no one else at least so far.

Also I think it’s quite hypocritical, she didn’t really want kids, but she had me then refused to try to have another child but now wants me to? Idk maybe she doesn’t want me to regret and think like she has. I’m not that opposed to another child I just don’t want one right now… although i’m worried a bit waiting… I’m youngish but after birth have loads of new health problems… i’m scared i’ll have more& more serious if I “ wait too long “ but I can’t stomach the thought of being pregnant/having another child so soon. For now i’m quite happy as I am.

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ErrolTheDragon · 04/01/2024 23:59

She sounds a bit odd, to say the least, I'm not surprised you don't like it.

There's nothing wrong with being an only child (I've got one, now a young adult, and she's great. ). But it's sounds like she's got some daft idea and guilt that she's pushing onto you.

AlohaRose · 05/01/2024 00:12

This sounds like an unhealthy dynamic. Why do you live with your mother at home? Do you have a partner? What does he think about all this?

EmptyYoghurtPot · 05/01/2024 08:10

How old is your child I’m guessing under a year if you are on mat leave? Are you in a relationship? Surely it would make sense to get your own home before you have more children (if that’s what you want). This seems like a really odd dynamic

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HareSalient · 05/01/2024 08:11

Why are you living with her?

Coconutter24 · 05/01/2024 08:27

Odd behaviour from your mum.
why do you live with her? Is that through choice because it’s what you both want or due to finances?

PPAdvixe · 11/01/2024 01:14

Hi @AlohaRose @Coconutter24 @EmptyYoghurtPot @ErrolTheDragon @HareSalient ?

But basically I live at home…. because I have LD and wasn’t in a stable job quite young foolish with money etc but I started getting proper jobs more stable… was looking to move out then got pregnant then got really depressed then even more depressed… got into debt etc as I said on another thread I made on Mumsnet about finding housing yes wrong circumstances to bring a kid in i know.

Babys dad- technically not together we could be though if I wanted but tbh I pushed everyone away due to depression.

I’ve tried to speak to my mum about it she says she’s ever so sorry that she just wants me to have a big happy family which includes having loads of kids…

It’s odd coming from someone like her, she’s very pro choice like a sjw but doesn’t know how to use the internet lol, basically views are the same as a 20 year old gen z activist without her even knowing what that is lol, so she supports women making their own choices and not wanting kids and knowing kids won’t necessarily be there for their parents when older and etc… maybe she’s just pro life and more conservative for me (and/or herself to a degree ) but liberal for virtually literally everyone else.

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PPAdvixe · 11/01/2024 01:14

EmptyYoghurtPot · 05/01/2024 08:10

How old is your child I’m guessing under a year if you are on mat leave? Are you in a relationship? Surely it would make sense to get your own home before you have more children (if that’s what you want). This seems like a really odd dynamic

he’s nearly 1 x

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PPAdvixe · 11/01/2024 01:17

EmptyYoghurtPot · 05/01/2024 08:10

How old is your child I’m guessing under a year if you are on mat leave? Are you in a relationship? Surely it would make sense to get your own home before you have more children (if that’s what you want). This seems like a really odd dynamic

I agree with you.

It was also bad timing with BD in getting a place together as he lost a couple of jobs when I was few months away starting maternity… but he was in a job for years when I met him and he’s been settled into a new job now so it’s all a bit brighter

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PPAdvixe · 11/01/2024 01:20

AlohaRose · 05/01/2024 00:12

This sounds like an unhealthy dynamic. Why do you live with your mother at home? Do you have a partner? What does he think about all this?

Tbh I haven’t told him….

He wants another or two though and get back proper so probs might be on mums side

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