Best time to have a third?

[capgemleopis]

We currently have DD 2y4m and DS 9 months. If you have 3 what gap would you say is best for number 3? We’re not quite ready for another but equally don’t want to have a huge gap so the third is ‘left out’ as the other two are only 18 months apart.

First gap is 23 months and this one is 21 months so will see what like - I feel content with the gaps though and get what you mean about the other two!

When you successfully grow a third hand.

I personally think have children as close together as you can financially and mentally manage. Are you set on a third? Only reason I ask is to see if the demands of school and homework and play dates and extra curricular activities would sway the decision - in which case wait until the eldest is in school.

We are absolutely set on a third, then absolutely no more after that haha. Three is the limit

We had a third. Worst thing ever. Love the kids, but our life is shit.

Heya just wondering what the difference between two and three is, as from your comment sounds like you were content with two then the third? Made things extra hard? Thanks

Don't get me wrong, we love our kids and I would not change anything. But the difference was substantial. With two toddlers, one parent per child, that works.

The third was a "surprise". We didn't think it would make much of a difference, but boy were we wrong! We have very little time to ourselves, but that's because we have two toddlers and a baby. They're very demanding and constantly need attention.

The only way we make it work is childcare during the day, which is very expensive for two, but when we have all three, it's carnage. When they're all finally asleep around 7 pm, then it's the baby's needs which kick in. Sometimes the toddlers will wake up while trying to get the baby down.

By the time everyone is finally asleep it's about 9:30 pm - 10pm, which doesn't leave much time for us.

It's very depressing, but it's the choice we made so we have to deal with it.

Ah thanks for the insight- do you think if there was longer gaps between them it’d be any easier? We’ve just started our family so only have one but we’re thinking of another fairly soon, and I keep saying I’d love three but then we’re 31 so.. not sure if we’d be wanting to keep having them into our later 30’s early 40s!
Sounds like once you guys get over the toddler and baby stages you might claw a little more time back together

@LoveLifeBeHappy if it’s any help I would have agreed with you word for word. They’re now 11, 9 and 7 and life is considerably better and easier than it was.

I agree that the difference between 2 and 3 is humongous. In a way I couldn’t imagine.
1 to 2 was a doddle.
2 to 3 nearly killed me.

I love them all. I love the little one.
but if I had known then what I know now I would have stopped at 2.

But to answer your question @capgemleopis the best time to have a third is fast, on the wave of hormones, before you think about it 😂

although, I know 2 who had a 3rd as the eldest 2 were at school. Maybe they were more sorted. I imagine that’s a tricky age gap to manage but maybe no more than 3 under 5 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is undoubtedly harder with three but I wouldn't change a thing. We have 3 and a half years between our eldest and youngest and one pretty much in the middle. It was chaos for a while but now the youngest is three I really like the close age gaps. You're spread thinly with three as it is so I think the close age gaps help with finding things to suit them all.

My two eldest were 6 and 4 when number 3 arrived. It really worked well but number 3 was quite a sickly stressy baby. Manageable , because the other 2 were more independent and got on well with each other .

I’ve always been told to pace it out if you want three or four. We have a two year 9 month gap between the first two and then exactly three years this time. B, B, G … middle boy was a very easy baby … hoping this baby girl is too! I have several friends with a slightly bigger gap between 2 and 3 than 1 and 2, that seems to bide one some time and sanity!

We had a 2 year gap between the first two, then 3.5 years between number 2 and 3. At the time it was necessary because we were barely coping with the two we had. With hindsight I would have had them closer because it drags out the small child phase for a really long time and all the extracurricular stuff has to be done separately. I felt going from 2 to 3 was fine, probably because of the gap and the personality of number 3, who is very easy-going.

We have a 6 year old, 8 year old and a 9 month old. Probably a bigger age gap than you want but it’s so lovely, wouldn’t change it for the world.