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Parenting

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Feel like I lose my temper too quickly with toddler

4 replies

mammybird · 04/01/2024 00:48

I'll start by saying I am fairly confident I have ADHD and this has been so apparent since having a child. I feel constantly on the edge of burnout and it's really affecting my life.
As my child gets older and explores her surroundings more I find myself shouting or getting frustrated at her for doing the smallest things that shouldn't cause me to become so annoyed. I then feel terrible because she's 2, she doesn't know what she's doing isn't safe or that things aren't hers to play with. She's a happy little girl and I don't want her to be constantly regulating to my bad behaviour

Just hoping for some advice on how to manage this? Or what strategies others have in place? Thanks!

OP posts:
GlitteryDirt · 04/01/2024 00:53

Invest in yourself. It's so much easier to parent well when you are socially satisfied, well rested, mentally stimulated and get enough exercise. If any of those things have been neglected you're more likely to loose your temper.

Singleandproud · 04/01/2024 00:58

You are in control of yourself and the environment. You cannot control her but you can control how she reacts with the environment and you do this through pre-empting and removing the issue before it becomes one.

If things aren't appropriate to be in her reach then move them, even if that means boxing them up and putting them a way for a year or two.

Children don't really understand cause and effect and consequences until they are three or so, they do understand being scared though so finding a way to communicate without shouting is important. If she isn't properly verbal yet learning sign language can be massively helpful for both of you.

Toddlers don't hear "Don't" or "No" you need to give instructions telling them the behaviour you do want so instead of saying "Don't climb on the sofa" you need to say what you do want so "bum on sofa, feet on the floor".

Really observe her, what is she doing and can you adapt that to something that isn't dangerous, IE if she likes to throw things then can you get a paper bin and some rolled up socks and redirect the behaviour in a more positive way. The One Hundred Toys website has a great section on play schemas it's worth looking into.

Where are your pinch points? Do you get frustrated at her at the same time every day? Do you care for yourself properly in terms of food and drink? Do you factor in rest periods in the day! 2pm always used to be Barney hour in my house, I would snooze whilst DD watched a dvd before I got up to make dinner.

Are you frustrated because you feel isolated? Try having a comedy podcast on for some light hearted adult chatter in the background

mammybird · 04/01/2024 01:07

Thanks for this!

I definitely hear you on the keeping things out of her reach. We have just moved house so still sorting through things and stuff crops up everywhere!

I hadn't heard of the One Hundred Toys but will definitely look it up ☺️

I find late afternoons a struggle, it's usually when I'm most mentally overwhelmed myself and trying to scramble to get everything done. I work 4 days a week and have a second job. All of the household management incl. Everything to do with our child outside of basic day to day care falls on me (I am addressing this with my partner) so I really don't feel like I have a lot of time (or money) to give myself which is something I need to work on.

My toddler wouldn't tolerate me being asleep while she watched TV, she's a gorgeous soul but very energetic and would be quick as a flash to notice I wasn't giving her my full attention!

Thank you for the advice x

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Singleandproud · 04/01/2024 01:25

Ok so if late afternoons are a struggle look at the rest of the day, would it work for you yo use a slow cooker and prep meals in the morning? I found a slow cooker and a rice cooker an absolute game changer.

Can you sit on the floor and play lower energy games like pairs or sitting with Duplo or similar? We used to have a reading time in the afternoon too if it was too poor weather to get out when I would make us both a hot drink with a couple of biscuits and read to her whilst she had hers and then she'd play on the floor whilst I had mine and read my own book starting off at 10 mins but eventually I got to be able to read a good amount, we carried this on throughout Primary and she would read to me, now a teen we often still sit down with a hot drink and biscuits to read a bit on a weekend but she did need training though.

Readjust your expectations of housework and reduce what you do. Do you iron everything! Could you get away with putting some clothes and PJs away un ironed. There's a lot of ways you can save time and energy around meal times, If you meal prep and freeze food you only need to reheat it and not clear up all the pots and pans. Can you make a couple of days sandwiches in advance and just grab them out the fridge reducing your mealtime work.

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