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2 under 2 - what was I thinking!?

21 replies

boymum33 · 03/01/2024 19:36

Somebody please tell me I haven't made a bad decision! Please!!!

I fell pregnant when DS turned 13 months; he was such a good baby, great with sleep, quite easy to manage - so we thought great let's have another.

Anyway, fast forward nearly 9 months and he's a become little terror. Such hard work, throwing things, breaking things, crying at everything. I'm due within days and I'm panicking so bad right now.

Please somebody tell me I'll survive this 😩

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
tiredmumma8696 · 03/01/2024 19:38

You've got this mumma 😊 there will be good and bad days but they will hopefully have a lovely close bond which will pay off in the long run. Mine are 23 months apart and at 2 and 4 are best of friends and entertain each other

WatermelonLou · 03/01/2024 19:47

I was in the same situation, and it's bloody tough. But so are you! The fact you're posting asking for support testifies to that. We know it isn't easy and it's certainly no walk in the park. All you can do it go through the days as they find you. Your toddler is just that, a toddler. I've had some sweeping moments but I encourage you to dig deep and remind yourself this is temporary and just what it is at the moment. If you've got a partner or someone who you trust with baby to sit with them whilst you maintain bedtime for your toddler, or even a walk or something with them on your own that'll help them to still feel secure. I did this and it helped a lot. The baby will just merge in. I've got more than two so can only give you my experience but honestly don't beat yourself up. Don't be too hard on yourself. Deploy self care and always remember it's temporary. It'll get easier and you'll enjoy them again..

Beetlewings · 03/01/2024 19:53

Mine are now 11 and 13 (23 months apart) and I wouldn't have had it any other way. They are so close it's adorable and it's reassuring to me that they get on so well. Yes the early years were hard but I lowered my expectations accordingly. When they were tiny we had lots of relaxed time bonding, I do remember the achievement I felt when I got their naps to line up! It helped that i didn't have to work outside the home though. I look back on those years fondly. It will get better, count the little victories, lower your expectations of 'getting things done' and focus on enjoying your babies ☺️

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VisionsOfSplendour · 03/01/2024 20:09

I know things are different now but when my children were young pretty much everyone had 2 under 2, 18 months was a standard age gap, at one time my children went to a smallish primary school where the majority had siblings in consecutive years.

Things can't have changed to become so difficult in such a relatively short time can they or did everyone just get on with it as it was the norm ?

stillavid · 03/01/2024 20:12

I have over 3 years between DC1 and DC2 and then DC3 came 19 months later. Give me a smaller age gap any day of the week.

They will have similar interests/developmental stages and entertain each other. The first year will be hard but honestly you are still in the baby nappy zone so it will be fine.

namechange1986 · 03/01/2024 20:18

@VisionsOfSplendour did you consider the cost of childcare?? It's prohibitive to many families having a small gap.

jusmoi · 03/01/2024 20:49

I'm due early feb and have a 15 month old, watching this thread !!

DeeCeeCherry · 03/01/2024 21:28

There's only 14 months between my 2 DCs. Stupidly I thought I couldn't get pregnant whilst breastfeeding. It was hard. But it gradually became easier. I dropped working hours to part-time however after a while, I couldnt cope with full-time work with the 2 of them. Now they're grown up it's nice to see they're still the best of friends as well as siblings as they have a lot in common.

Pushing a double buggy gave me arms of steel and figure to die for. Alas, once that phase passed that was never to return...

I'm also 14 months older than my DB. I remember saying I'd never have a child one year then another the next, I don't know how my mum did it. Famous last words. I don't regret anything.

AutumnMistletoe · 03/01/2024 21:47

My DS was 9 months old when I found out I was expecting DD! I loved the age gap and my DS loved helping me with his new baby sister.
They're 11 & 10 now and they fight like cat and dog but at the same time they won't be without each other.

AuntieMabelsLeftSock · 03/01/2024 23:30

There is 18 months between my dc. And I'm not going to lie, in the early days I really thought I'd fucked everything up. I remember sat up cluster feeding one night, googling if I could surrender my newborn and keep my eldest.

But we found our rhythm, we had other difficulties as my first born is disabled with development delay, so for a long time it was like having twins...just one a lot bigger. We also moved house/counties when dc2 was 8 weeks old, so I do feel I was glutten for punishment 🤣

But the reality of it all was actually easier, I managed to get the dc onto the same nap schedule quite early on and I'd sleep with them too. We had no school runs or early mornings to contend with, so if we had a bad night or one was ill we could just chill in the house/bed. The dc are close enough that their development interests are shared, their games, TV programmes, activities, play apparatus, bedtimes...all the same. There is no splitting off for me and dh to give them age appropriate time, they enjoy the same things. They are 5 and 6 now and I honestly wouldn't have done it any different. They are each others best friend, they share a room, play together, amd although both have different interests still find a lot of common ground within them.

It also helps with hand me down clothing, as soon as they are boxed up they are opened again for the youngest, so no years of holding items.

The other good side is you'll blast through the boob/bottle, nappy, buggy, taking a bag to fit the kitchen sink stage quite quickly and in one go. You'll also go through the teething, night waking, poor sleep, early illnesses and all that within a short period of time without school commitments. Always a blessing!

Baileysx · 03/01/2024 23:37

I have this age gap and had one of these last minute meltdowns before #2 was born! We’re now 4 months in and I can see a real change now in how much he is interested in her, just in the last few weeks. He really wants to help and tries to make her laugh. If my mum watches the two of them he will go out of his way to tell her what she needs every time she cries etc, it’s really sweet. He basically acted like she didn’t exist for the first 2-3 months though 😂 He still does the tantrums and the throwing. I would say this could be the peak period of throwing infact! It’s a bit of a nightmare out a walk too if he wants to go his bike or scooter and I have the pram or have to run along with the baby in the carrier. My husband has been off for the Christmas break and was about crying by day 2 saying he needed to go back to work and couldn’t cope with them 🙈 I think I’ve just developed the equivalent of a very thick skin in terms of not getting stressed when they’re both crying or needing something at the same time. I just focus on what the next small job is and do that. Have some snacks etc available for your toddler to get if you’re stuck feeding the baby and can’t move. I’ve found the last month between 3 and 4 months I’ve noticed a real change in how much easier it’s got, maybe because they both sleep all night too (not the case for everyone) but as bad as any bits at the start might be, it is short lived, you haven’t made a mistake and you’ll be out the other side in no time at all. Good luck

boymum33 · 04/01/2024 12:37

Thank you all very much for sharing your experiences - it's kept me sane and positive that we haven't made a mistake.

Bring on number 2 ahhh!!

OP posts:
jusmoi · 04/01/2024 15:25

@boymum33 ? What is the gap going to be ? Dc was 8 months when I fell pregnant, it's scary isn't it !!

boymum33 · 04/01/2024 16:20

@jusmoi 20 month gap between! It really is!!

OP posts:
HalebiHabibti · 04/01/2024 16:22

You'll be OK. Ds1 was 13 months old when I gave birth to DS2 😂

My top tip is to have a moses basket for DC2 in the living room, but place it in a travel cot. That way they will be safe from your marauding DC1 (mine was a horror). It is hard at the start but does get a lot easier as years go on!

boymum33 · 04/01/2024 16:47

@HalebiHabibti that's a great tip, thank you! We looked after my nephew the other week (he's a baby) - and my DS was so jealous, so I'm definitely nervous about that too.

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Mathsbabe · 04/01/2024 17:19

15 months gap here and I was almost 41 when second was born, both IVF, second was frozen embryo, two c sections and I absolutely know how lucky we were. The first year was tough and after that it was brilliant. They are 26 and 27 now and are very close, and always have been. Most of the time they did things together. I refused to compare them and that was very helpful.

mrssunshinexxx · 04/01/2024 19:05

Mine are 2 and 3 , 15 months apart you'll be absolutely fine x

mrssunshinexxx · 04/01/2024 19:08

@boymum33 have you considered buying your little boy a baby and toy pram / bottle / bib so he can get involved and play 'babies' too

Frosty91 · 16/01/2024 18:39

Congratulations... currently have a 3months and pregnant again. First baby was IVF first attempt and second baby natural. Was so shocked but so happy. I gave birth in October and I am due in August. Babies will be in same year at school which is exciting. I think 2 under 2 is nice they will play together be best friends. I had a good pregnancy last time so I'm hoping this pregnancy will go well. I know many people witj 2 under 2 and its so nice. Just be super organised and eveything will be fine x

MinnieTruck · 16/01/2024 18:41

Mine have an 11 month gap between the two of them. The youngest is now 20 months and the eldest is now 2. Good luck is all I can say. You’ll need it!

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