Obsessed with my nineteen month old’s eating - what to do?!

[Jkrowlingsarmy]

Hi everyone,

ftm here and a despairing one at that. Bit of context - I developed PND at around 5 months but feel like it’s lifting lately. I also have OCD which means I am constantly googling about fussy eaters and asking others for reassurance.

I have a lovely nineteen month girl who is a busy little bean. Her eating however causes me daily despair. Starting off the weaning process was no fun - around 6 months the PND started to set in. I found it hard, scary and didn’t know what to do. I was making tiny star pasta for her at 8 months when all she could manage was a couple of spoonfuls of baby rice. I just put a lot of pressure on the situation and myself (and I suppose inadvertently her).

She never seemed to love food from the start like other children and I did (and do) get very jealous when I hear/ see other toddlers wolfing down anything given. It just never seemed to interest her that much but she would eat the little puréed parsnips I gave her and she used to love tuna and sweet potato mash. Now I genuinely dread dinner and lunchtimes as she has become even more fussy - I find myself yearning for the early days when she was only a bit fussy!

she will eat weetabix every morning without fail (pretty much) but lunch is almost a no go. We were at my parents over Christmas and she tended to have bits and bobs on the go - a sausage roll, a babybel, carrot stick (one!). Dinner was always in front of the tv - it is the only way she will eat.
She will not eat banana anymore or the mini bites of toast I put out - her range has become smaller and smaller. I genuinely envy the women on here complaining about their children who only eat 6 things - my girl will only eat about two or three and she absolutely WILL go hungry than eat what I put in front of her.

because it was causing me so much heartache we have put her with the childminder for dinner too - she eats fine there (of course!). I have also tried so hard not to force her to eat anything or make a fuss/ get upset.

Yesterday she had weetabix (big bowl) then strawberries for lunch. (I put out a little platter and she only ate them. Everything else is a sharp hand 🤚 and “no!”) dinner was then organic date and carrot bites (no idea why she likes these - they taste horrible 😂 )and a bit of apple.

my childminder said food helps sleep so it has sort of become this mad obsession of mine - “if she doesn’t eat she won’t sleep!” This is actually contrary to what a lot of my friends have experienced - toddlers who eat lots but are terrible sleepers etc.

she likes weetabix, babybels (sometimes), pasta (sometimes) guacamole (so so random?!) and rice cakes dipped in. She will sometimes eat cucumber but not rly. She will eat rice pudding (quelle surprise) and yoghurt. She likes peanut butter so I give her sandwiches of that. That is pretty much it.

I just find it so hard - I want this to be easier. She is happy and healthy - wet nappies and two poos yesterday but I still worry constantly. She gets grouchy when she’s hungry and yet still won’t eat - “no!” She eats well at the childminder but I just feel in outsourcing the problem.

I have tried offering her unhealthy food to see if that’s what it is but doesn’t seem to be - a biscuit was thrown in the floor and crisps are of no interest.

I have just bought that Carlos Gonzales book as I know it is me who needs to change my mindset but it is bloody hard.

any ideas? Success stories?

thank you.

Just to add - the tv is a relatively new addition at the table as she simply won’t eat without it. Moans and cries (this was before tv). Sorry - such a long post.

I assume she still drinks milk?

She does, yes. One in the am first thing and one at nighttime with her bedtime story.

So she’s eats normally at the childminder?

I think you’re stressing too much, tbh. Offer what the childminder offers, leave her to it and don’t hover.

You have listed 17 different things she eats, sounds like a decent variety to me.

OP I feel you: my DD has been the same since she was tiny. She just isn't that bothered about food and can go through a whole day on air.

She's always been very small for her age.

Is now 10 years old, eats like a bird, wears clothes for a 7 year old. It drives me nuts but she's healthy and happy so what to do?

Fussiness is so normal. But I know it’s stressful too.

At the childminders I guess she’s eating with other children so she just joins in.

Try to eat together - both sit at the table and eat. She’ll probably find what’s on your plate is more interesting than what’s on her plate. It’s good for her to see you eating. My DS also went through a phase where he wanted to always sit on my knee while we were eating at the table. It was annoying for me, but it didn’t last forever.

my suggestions are leave your little one having dinner at the childminders if she eats well there. Sometimes children eat better with other children around? Use the time to self care for yourself.
keep trying to step back from this OP. You don’t want to create a problem. It’s fine to offer a range of foods you know your child will eat and some introductions of newer foods especially healthy and protein foods. Don’t pressure your child or yourself.
i wonder what you are expecting your child to eat? Believe me, if you imagine other two year olds shovel up huge meals all the time I think that’s not accurate, and even if they do it’s probably not a good thing and might lead to overeating later.
Have a positive and calm attitude to food and meals but don’t make a huge thing out of it and ensure you engage with your child by playing or reading etc throughout the day.

Talk it through with a health visitor. If you get a good one they are great with stuff like this. Do you have a local baby weigh in clinic? You can often chat to someone there.

I see how that looks but she doesn’t eat meals - she will eat beans on toast at the childminders and scrambled egg on toast but nothing like that here.

perhaps I do have ridiculous expectations but I have a niece the same age who eats what her family eats (proper meals like shepherds pie etc) and all my friends’ kids eat well too. Feel quite alone with it. I worry about going abroad with her as I genuinely think Wtaf would she eat?!

Should I do the approach of offering her it (eg dinner at the weekend) then if she eats nothing just letting her go hungry until bedtime milk?

thank you for all your replies everyone.

Op, you said you're jealous/envious of people who have children who eat 6 items of food, but you then went on to list 9 things that your daughter will eat...

If she doesn’t eat dinner I would make sure she eats something else before bed.

But have a little gap in between so she’s not learning that she can refuse dinner and then get a something else instead.

This probably isn’t helpful, but I found that it helped my son to basically ignore the food a bit and leave it in front of him. Chat away, sing nursery rhymes, bring a little toy to the high chair- basically make the meal time about fun and all else rather than the food. Eat the same meal and model eating it and ‘enjoying’. Whenever I made any fuss of the food, e.g., tried feeding him myself, praised him for eating, encouraged him to eat, he’d point blank refuse to eat anything. Obviously they don’t eat much, if anything initially. But after a few days to a week he started to pick at the food, and now he’s quite a good eater.

@Bbq1 yep, I wasn’t very clear - they often list things like rice, potato, cheese on toast etc. things that are more substantial than a rice cake.

I'd give her somethjng she likes at every meal alongside something 'proper'. So there's always something safe for her. And just don't let her graze or give her sweet stuff in lieu of a meal. One good suggestion is to put everything on one plate - salad, savoury food, toast, a biscuit, yoghurt - so there's no hierarchy of food.

It sounds like she's snacking a lot on little bits? If so, try to stop that. Just offer breakfast, then lunch, then afternoon snack, then tea, for example. I'd personally also try to stop the bedtime milk but appreciate why you might be reluctant if you feel she hasn't eaten enough in the day.

I sympathise as I took a long time to successfully wean DS, who is now 3. Until he was about your little girls age he barely ate a thing with me - did at nursery of course!

He isn’t hugely bothered by food, still. I hear other children asking for snacks but DS never has. However he will now reliably eat what you give him (more or less) although he still needs some reminders and encouragement sometimes.

A lot of people on here push eating together but this never worked for us, I think he found it too much pressure. He also hated the high chair so that was a problem until he could sit at the table. But most of his dinners are TV dinners and I am fine with this.

Have a look at the Solid Starts website and Instagram page. They have lots of really helpful, evidence based advice and guides on fussy eating, normal toddler selectivity, and what to do about it.

@Jkrowlingsarmy is she drinking formula or breastfed? I think formula is very filling hence why babies sleep way better than breastfed babies..but too filling at this stage . I’d switch to water more if formula fed, they can get calcium from cheese etc at this stage.
My sons were all big eaters but a big factor in this was they weren’t formula fed and they literally never stopped moving . So exercise was huge , they ran , climbed , they walked/scooted/balance biked. We had to go outside all the time or they would literally climb the walls . This made them v v hungry , especially with loads of fresh air, that and cutting off milk feeds.
She’s still so young op so I wouldn’t stress. I got them to eat with us too , not separate and they ate what we ate (obviously careful with salt etc ) , often off our plates or we had stuff they could choose themselves in the middle. They hated being spoon fed and preferred to control it all themselves.

@Giltedged all kids are different but our 3 children all sat in booster chairs attached to a normal chair up to the table and loved it . Definitely helped in our case eating all together.

It doesn't sound too bad .
I agree that she should sit at the table with you ; both eat the same thing, no cajoling but di have something she likes on the plate at each meal.Then chat about other things.

My 3 year old has had poor diet since weaning at 12 months she would have 2 spoons of Weetabix and a handful of peas. She ate her first meal at 13 months. She has periods of eating well and periods where she might have 1 or 2 meals over the whole weekend.

We offer foods that are likely to be eaten. Offer only one alternative so she might get a bowl of plain pasta or cereal or toast in place of the rejected meal. Our dietitian and paediatrician discourage us from giving Weetabix as it's hard for them to digest and it might cause tummy pains which puts her off eating. She now has a mix of cereals over the course of the week.

My daughter has a limited diet due to 20 food allergies and reflux and acid damaged teeth which makes things harder. Snacks are things like cucumber and water biscuits. We are still waiting for her to realise that water biscuits are not biscuits! Meals on bad days are pasta and frozen veg with chick peas or pulses or safe chicken. On good days it the same but with a vegetable based sauce. She prefers very plain flavours and being able to eat each thing separately when she is in a non eating mood.

Despite all of this the dietician and paediatrician are happy with what we do get her to eat

Thank you @Superscientist . Sorry to hear that about your daughter - I’m glad that your methods have been okayed. Would you be able to recommend some other cereals? She likes our fruit and fibre but it’s too sugary!

@CoalCraft yes I’m thinking about diluting the nighttime milk and/ or changing it to a more grown up bottle. She is a bit of a snacky baby you’re right. I am going to do my best to not obsess over it - it literally has not changed a bloody thing, just made me miserable.

thank you x

Corn flakes, rice Krispies etc and Cheerios as a treat but we didn't start this until she was 3.

Little ones can struggle with wheat/gluten heavily diets. We had to be careful with her wheat/gluten intake as it gave her terrible trapped wind especially before bed. Cous cous was a complete no no and we used a mix of regular and brown rice pasta