Im terrified to send him back

[Teebee49]

I have been co parenting my 6 year old autistic son somewhat successfully with my ex for over a year now until christmas day when my son told me about an sa that happened to him by his fathers friend while he was staying at his fathers house, the police couldnt take it any further for lack of evidence and because of my sons lack of communication skills with him being autistic and only 6, i am now terrified to send him back to his dads house for visits or overnight stays, especially since his dad refused to believe it and has not agreed to keep the friend away, i believe my sons allegation is true but his dad wont believe it and at times actively goes against my wishes on certain things to do with the care of my son. Because he doesn't believe and because in the past my ex has lied to me about things that have happened regarding things iv asked him not to do im now terrified to send my son to his dads for visits or stays, i dont want to put him in the same position again, i fully belive his dad would tell me the friend isnt around when he is.
What would be the best way to deal with this and keep my son safe

That’s really awful, I’m so sorry.

personally I wouldn’t send him back. I’d go to court and say this has happened, ds dad hasn’t accepted it, won’t keep friend away and I’m scared for his safety. I want him and his dad to maintain relationship but until his dad puts his needs before his friends it needs to be supervised.

even IF it’s not true (although I think it is) it’s a serious enough allegation that his dad has to realise there’s an issue between his friend and his son and his son should come first.

Report this to social services and say you strongly believe your child is at risk if they go back into this environment. State you have raised this with his father who is unsupportive and in denial. You can say you do not know if it is true or not but their is a strong chance it is and your child needs urgent protection until some legal safeguarding can be put in place to ensure they are safe, and to ensure their father takes the fact this could be a risk to your child seriously and is prepared to protect them.
I would expect a social worker to take this seriously and give you the support you need to protect your child.
I would completely refuse to send them back there, don’t argue or get into any conflict. Clearly say you Believe your child and will be taking steps to get protection in place to ensure this is no longer a risk and to highlight exactly what has happened.
I am so sorry you are going through this it must be awful, unfortunately non verbal children can be much more vulnerable to abusers.

Social work already know as they were contacted through the police, they have agreed with police by saying it is ok for my son to have contact now as he was seen by a doctor and they couldnt find evidence but i think it happened a few weeks ago and police assumed it had happened the week the allegation was made although my son never said this.
Also my son is verbal and can tell me exactly what happened but hes not very good at explaining timescales, also it was determined not to take it any further even though no one spoke to my son, police only took a statement from me, there was one visit to the doctor but no examination and one half hour visit from a social worker who couldnt find any problems in my house

Ask to speak with a different social worker. Ask to speak to a police officer, it’s up to you if you want to press charges and it’s then up to the police to investigate. Don’t let them fob you off.

Can school help you with safeguarding concerns? They might be able to handhold you through a better solution. I wouldn’t send him.

Iv yet to speak to the school as the kids are on holiday until 8th of jan, they may have advice to give but iv been told by my daughter who works in the schooling system that i cant ask for his father not to take him from school as he has equal parental rights and no court orders in place, i dont think he would take my son from school but im worried further down the line when he doesnt get my son overnights, the real arguements will start, i have offered him visitation in my house or in my ex's mothers house but my ex isnt happy with that

You can request school not allow his dad to take him. I’ve had to do that before. Explain the situation and you’re waiting for solicitors advice etc
My sons dad did try to collect him from school and I was called (as I’m the main caregiver) by the time I got there his dad had left

Im going to ask them to remove his dad as an emergency contact and ask them if i cant stop him taking him then at least make sure im called straight away if that does happen, but i dont think his dad would do that, i dont want things getting nasty though as we have been civil this whole time, i just dont have enough trust in him to keep my son safe especially when he refuses to believe him

Do that with the school anyway, you don't know what he's capable of!

your poor little DS. I wouldn't send him, no way.

he's refused your house & your mums.

can you book a contact centre?

he wouldn't be having unsupervised contact NO WAY

If he kicks off just tell him you will not allow him to put DS in that situation again & you'll see him in court.

Do you know anything about this friend? Is he a longstanding friend for example or somebody who has just arrived on the scene?

You need legal advice from proper sources not the internet

Id call the NSPCC for advice on what to do next and how to protect him. It would be good to see a specialist family lawyer too. Make sure you've got any offers of contact you make in writing so you can show you're trying to support him having a relationship with his Dad. As long as he wouldn't say anything nasty like blaming you for lack of contact, you could do regular video calls in the meantime even if it's just a quick chat. This would be to maintain the relationship and also to show you're doing everything you can to support that relationship in a safe way.

Withholding contact can be problematic if social services have said it's safe for him to go, so you really need advice from someone that knows the law in this area. I'm in no way saying to send him, but you need to make sure you do this in a way that doesn't come back to bite you in the future. You need to show that while your priority is to keep him safe you also value and support his relationship with his Dad. Everything needs to be calm and measured and child centred.

He is a friend through work and my ex has known him for many years through work but its only been in the last 6 months that hes been going to my ex's house after my ex moved to the town he lives in

Do you know him from the past? Have you Googled his name? I feel for you op. My exh had a known sex offender in his home. He was related to the dc.. Ss said it must have been nice for them all to catch up.... Exh told Cafcass the dc were lying. All 3 of them the same lie at under 10...

I'd get some legal advice from a family law solicitor ASAP.

I dont know him, iv seen him twice, iv googled him and theres nothing, the police also searched his name and they said there was nothing on him in their search, he did come across from what i know from my ex as a decent person but theres too many details from my sons allegations to be true, my son is 6 and dies tell lies but just 6 year old lies like theres a spider when theres not, he thinks lies are pranks and cant help giggling when he does it, he has maintained his allegation since christmas day now without even a smile everytime he's asked about it, he says its true, there was also a neighbour of my ex mentioned but my son is very adamant "no not him, he's a nice man"