Let me start by saying I love my children fiercely. The three of us have an extremely close, strong bond. Before the trolls wade in telling me I don't deserve kids. I've two boys, one who has left school and in college and the other in junior school. I work full time and have no support from either dad or my own parents.
My day consists of get up, get ready, get youngest up and ready (always a challenge due to his anxiety and ADHD awaiting diagnosis), make sure eldest is awake. Drop younger son at school, go to work, pick up, come home, do tea, do homework, wash up, do laundry, bath time, ironing, general housework. By the time youngest is in bed after being overstimulated all day and missed me like crazy, then trying to settle him, I am absolutely fit for no self care apart from a bath.
There's so many things I'd like to do for myself but I just don't have the time. My eldest will sometimes pick up or drop off for me and I'm so grateful for that, doesn't do much in the house due to college and work himself. I feel like everyone has constantly got a straw in me, slurping away and I have very little left mentally to give.
I feel selfish for wishing I could just for once come home and tea be done, or washing done and popped away. Not hoovering at half 9 at night after being awake since half 6. Someone to say "sit down love, I'll make you a brew." I've been predominantly single for around 4 years, not that my ex was helpful or nice in the end, but another adult at home is something I wish I was going home to sometimes. I've yet to meet someone worth coming home to yet and if I'm very honest, I think I feel lonely, isolated and bogged down a lot of the time.
The thoughts that go around my head are that I'll never have someone to share the load with, meeting demands of work and kids but never having time to meet my own needs. My youngest goes to my parents for three nights a month at most; during this time I'm so exhausted that I just sit at home in silence. The times I do try to meet friends they're all busy with their own partners and families.
The longer time goes on, the more I feel it too. I'm very capable of being alone and would never be with just anyone, but I would love somebody to share a laugh with in the evening just to lighten the mood, or make the bed or clean the pots. Someone to sit with on Christmas Eve and enjoy the evening with, instead of being alone trying to juggle last remaining bits I've run out of time for. Not sure where I was going with this. Think I wish I could sometimes only have myself to sort out, or someone to share it all with. Does any other single parent feel this way?