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First birthday stress

10 replies

Lolly127 · 02/01/2024 17:52

Hi all , posted a lot through pregnancy and beyond . First time mum , back ground of anxiety and had a severe birth anxiety . Anyway , we made it . It’s been a hard year , but that’s motherhood I guess . My gorgeous girl turns one in 5 weeks , so a real winter baby . Due to this we can’t really go to a zoo or anything so was planning sea life , lunch and home later for cake and imagine some visitors to see her . I’ve ordered Baloon’s etc and party hats .
Anyway , MIL has twice asked am I having a party and I told her no . The main reason being the enormous pressure of hosting and secondly she hasn’t got any baby friends all my friends children are like 4/5. And I figured it would be more for the adults than my girl . I find hosting anxiety inducing. My MIl is very over whelming and abruptly said today “ first birthdays are for family “ now I feel shit but also very annoyed . She’s got another grandchild that came 6 weeks after , and I get she’s so proud . So in a nutshell , she wants me to have a party so she can have them together and nothing more . She then queried why I’m getting a cake if I’m not having a party and I felt this was extremely sarcastic , why does she think I’m getting a cake . I feel like I’m failing not having a party , but I will be so filled with dread I won’t enjoy my girls special day . My partner then said she just wants her to do something nice for her birthday , but I thought I had planned something nice . A day out , pancakes and strawbs for breakfast , Baloon’s , lunch and some visitors here and there to give some gifts and grab some cake . Maybe I’m being OTT but this will be a regular thing on any occasion .

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SandyWaves · 02/01/2024 18:12

Your child, your decision.

The day you planned sounds lovely.

You can send her a message with a time window for people to come round and share coffee/tea and a cake. If she asks again, ignore her. She'll get the message. Give in now, she'll do it again next year. Have a lovely day with your daughter!

Lolly127 · 02/01/2024 18:20

The thing is , I’ve no objection to her visiting atall . But as her other grandchild lives out of area , she wants me to host a family party so they can attend . Of course when she’s old enough to want and have people to invite to a party he will be invited . If they want to travel and visit on the day , that’s fine but I get it’s a very long way . But I don’t feel I should be catering for that the weekend before ( her birthday is the Tuesday ) just to please them . This will be Easter , Christmas and any event for the foreseeable. But I was just happy for this one to be low key , I didn’t realise it was a massive affair . My family will be working that day and they will jsut nip over in the evening which is fine , I’ve not said nobody can come over . They always bloody do ! But I didn’t want the pressure of a party the weekend prior aswell as making her day special . Now I feel like she’s missing out on something important

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Whatisityoucantface · 02/01/2024 18:21

Assuming she is one of the invited visitors for present giving and cake, she is being very weird! Your days sounds great and ideal for a first birthday. You can call the cake bit a ‘tea party’ if it will help get her off your back

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Lolly127 · 02/01/2024 18:24

I jsur don’t want a host of people all at the same time creating a “ party “ i will over think it , i will lose sleep and I will waste money on a spread . This is all i am avoiding and they know im anxious by nature . I felt like snapping , but I l thought the message of “ first birthdays are for family “ very abrupt and rude .

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Ghostface333 · 02/01/2024 18:30

The day you have planned sounds lovely. I did similar for my first child’s 1st birthday and we had a lovely day.

RedHelenB · 02/01/2024 18:48

I agree with MIL, cousins together for a 1st birthday would totally be the norm where I live amd GPS attending. If the organisation is a problem can't your dh step up?

Christmastreestillinonepiece · 02/01/2024 18:51

Tell mil a date close to the birthday SHE is welcome to host a get together...

Lolly127 · 02/01/2024 18:53

Why do you think this ? She has another cousin from my side and they aren’t carrying on in this manner . So I’m just curious ? As they live 4 hours away , so I feel like it’s just catered for them and my ideas aren’t relevant . You can’t invite some and not others .

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Lolly127 · 02/01/2024 18:58

I have put this forward to my partner and he doesn’t want to take the reins . He also knows I don’t do well under great pressures and would take the joy out of her day for me . We have even discussed splitting as I don’t feel I can live in fear of any occasions as I know it’s all going to be about certain individuals. We never have family time as a 3 and never have . It has to include all and I don’t agree with it at all occasions .

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wishIwasonholiday10 · 02/01/2024 19:00

What you have planned sounds lovely. Don’t feel under pressure to host if you don’t want to. Your baby will probably be overwhelmed around a large group anyway and get more out of seeing relatives separately. We celebrated my DD’s birthday just the 3 of us as don’t have family close by and it was great.

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