What does this mean?

[4658Lou]

My ex husband over decade (we have an adoptive daughter from a baby) divorced when daughter was 9, decided to not be in daughters life I tried everything to encourage the relationship but he completely ignored her, she ok now we got through everything together. Me and ex husband share a mortgage I pay the mortgage payment as I live in the family home with m daughter, my ex messaged out of the blue not heard off him in 2 years it was regarding a mortgage payment but in the message thr wishing me hoping I had a good Christmas and daughters birthday has irked me? This is coming from a man who has completely abandoned his daughter and wouldn’t even speak to me about her what’s his motive in this email? Is it just about the payment but then why say the other stuff? This is the message below:

hi I hope you've all had a great Christmas and new year and of course DD birthday too. I've had a notification that the mortgage payment is due out alittle later because of the Christmas period and also that mortgage deal will default to the new payment in July.

I guess I’m just abit upset that my ex is pretending like everything normal after the abandonment

I imagine it means he’s had a notification and he’s wanting to make sure nothing is going to impact him financially. Maybe he’s being nice in the hope you would think twice about asking for any extra money the new rate will cost, or in the hope that you won’t delay a sale he’s planning on pushing for.

Please get legal advice asap about your mortgage if you haven't already - he's entitled to half the house otherwise! Try citizen's advice if you don't know where else to ask.

I'd just forget about the message and focus on financially protecting yourself.

I’m protected financially we have a court order it’s all legally been done. I pay the mortgage so he knows im not going to ask for money towards the mortgage because legally it’s agreed in the order that I pay it untill I take over the mortgage solely or sell because I have the child under 18 at home. I took this message about telling me about the payment amount adjustment but it irked me the comments about daughter birthday and like hoping I had a nice Christmas this is from a man who abandoned his daughter couple years ago and wouldn’t even discuss daughter so when he mentioned her name in email it made me upset. I just was abit upset about it

I don't know what to think, op. Now you've explained how you are secure with your house, it can't be anything to do with that. Maybe he is starting to feel guilty and misses his daughter. In your place, I would probably speak to him, calmly, and ask him why he messaged as he did when previously he wanted nothing to do with you and his daughter. He might explain but you won't know until you ask. I daresay others will think that is not a good idea but I think it might be. However, you must put yourself and your daughter's feelings first. His walking away was a major betrayal of trust but people do regret things they have done and often want to make amends.

I think it’s just platitudes that we all churn out this time of year out of habit. If I get in touch with anyone in early Jan (my accountant, my dentist’s receptionist etc) I’ll say I hope they enjoyed Cmas and wish them a Happy New Year.

@Bunnyhair me too I will say that aswell but surely a ex that couldn’t be in the same room as you and abandoned daughter why would he feel the need to say this

Why are you imagining he said it? Seems to me it was probably just something automatic. If he’s not in your lives it doesn’t seem likely either that he’s going out of his way to be hurtful, or that he’s suddenly decided to care.

I can see how this would be maddening. But trying to understand why he does anything he does seems a waste of your emotional energy, and you need that for yourself and your dc.