Stopping breastfeeding, help! Feeling a bit evil.

[teulie]

My (nearly one) baby has been breastfed since day one and won't take a bottle. My husband just had a few weeks off for Christmas and we managed to get him off the boob in the day time during this time. My husband had to rock him to sleep for naps as he wouldn't take a bottle, we made sure he was having more food and milk with meals to make up for it. My husband has now gone back to work and I can't get my baby to nap at all without him here. I rock him to sleep and he will fall asleep in my arms after a lot of screaming but he will wake up the second I out him down and desperately try to feed. I feel a bit evil to be honest not letting him. I really am done though do I just carry on? He is crying a lot, really inconsolable screaming. I'm cuddling and rocking and shhing so I'm not ignoring but I'm also not offering breast even though that would instantly send him to sleep with no tears. It feels very unnatural to not provide what I can feel is there and is for him but I just feel so done

Bless you it is so hard. I'm still breastfeeding my DD at almost 2, but only at night and stopped in the daytime at approx 1 when I started going back to work. It was quite gradual though, so I still breastfed for naps on the days I wasn't at work for a while. Will your baby fall asleep in the pram if you go for a walk at nap time?

Thanks for the reply, yes I'm back at work in a few weeks so I'm trying to do it for that. Tbh I feel like I'd rather stop completely but to try and make the transition to nursery a bit easier on him I'm happy to keep going at night to make it more gradual. He was feeding twice a day for both his naps 3 weeks ago, we dropped the afternoon feed for 1.5 weeks before dropping the morning one too so it has been fairly gradual. He's still feeding 3/4 times a night which is exhausting and I'm worried about doing full shifts with such broken sleep. He just loves the boob so I feel so guilty about it all. He has fallen asleep now without me caving and feeding but he did cry himself to sleep which is just awful. Nearly 15 mins of proper gut wrenching crying. I was with him so I'm hoping he doesn't feel like I wasn't coming to him and helping. Urgh

Well you've done better than I have- I'm still bf my 30m on demand and it's a LOT. Wakes 4 times still in true night.

One thing I wished I did was wean when she was younger!!

Looks like I'll be bf until uni now 🤪

He will be screaming because you're cuddling him and he can smell the milk, it's a familiar scene where he would usually get milk and comfort... and suddenly he's not allowed.

I would try getting him to nap in other ways if you can.

Oh that's such a horrible thought. I really do feel like I'm being actually unkind to him. The guilt is just insane.

He has never napped in the car, only screamed so I avoid the car when he's tired. He once screamed an entire 1.5 hour drive despite it being bed time, dark outside and he'd breastfed first. He just doesn't. It's really odd!

He will sometimes nap in the buggy but it's been torrential everyday lately and my older child won't humour going out in it. I feel a bit stuck

Will he sleep in the pram or baby carrier or in car (if you drive)?

or will he stay asleep if you keep holding him and don’t put him down? Or even just hold him for longer before putting him down? (Suggest you sit down if you are holding him for longer).

I wouldn’t worry so much about transitioning to nursery in terms of his napping etc. babies are often different at nursery. Both my kids wouldn’t be put down to nap by me. Eldest did sleep for nursery though and youngest ended up having cuddle naps at nursery too as they couldn’t get him to sleep either. Both were still breastfeeding when they started nursery and both managed fine 3 days a week at nursery without breast milk and then breastfed when with me (I did try pumping but they wouldn’t take it).

I've been wishing I'd started weaning younger too, my eldest was combi fed from 6 months onwards gradually reducing breastfeeds and I never had any issues. Stopped breastfeeding completely around 9 months and it was fine.

My youngest is just an absolute boob lover and hates any type of bottle or formula!

With you already starting to cut down you are working towards it well! And starting nursery will help as he will be with different people. It might make it easier for you emotionally to carry on at night for a bit and then slowly cut that out too?? It depends though as I am sure some people might say just stop both at the same time. Just remember to look out for signs of mastitis if you are going to stop somewhat cold turkey. You're doing so well, you've managed to get him to sleep without it already. It is really difficult for you to hear him crying but as you say your rest for shifts is so important too.

Could you use a transition cup rather than the bottle? I couldn't get mine to take a bottle but the transition ones with a spout worked.

It sounds like you did this with your first but I started logging the times of feeds, then replaced one a week starting with daytime ones that weren't before nap, then the before nap ones, then finally nighttime.

Good luck!

Try soaking a soft piece of cloth with your breast milk and placing it in the cot. That way your comforting smell will always be with your little one and hopefully will stop their upset. I know many will not approve but a dummy also allows the comforting sucking sensation that your little one needs (only for sleep time though). This method worked for me and my two girls.

I fed mine until 2y11m! Thought it would be awful trying to get them to wean that last remaining comfort feed at bed time....but it was the easiest thing and I wish I'd done it sooner 😂 We moved my little one out the cot into their Big Kid Bed - first night they jumped in, snuggled down and that was that, they didn't ask to BF and I didn't offer. Must have just been ready, their choice! No tears, no 'thanks mum!' no fanfare, nothing. I think I felt more put out than little one did initially 😂

@KCSIE we actually just moved her from our bed to her own room three nights ago. She's done so well with staying in there but she's still waking up numerous times crying for booby milk milk 😆😆

Good luck @teulie

My little one would let Dad put them down for naps from about 18m but if it was me, BF had to be involved or they'd scream blue murder and I just couldn't bare it so didn't pursue it, personally.

I went back to work when baby was 11m and BF on demand when we were together. Nursery transition - they found their own way to settle baby for naps it took a couple of weeks to settle though. I sent their sleeping bag in with them which helped as that was another sleep trigger.

But also don't forget - you'll be missing baby when you're back at work too, and BF is a nice way for you both to reconnect ♥️ Be prepared for the hormone crash when you do stop - it's intense!

Good luck!

Gahhh! Well done little one on the move to big bed though! 🙌

Oh, I'm sorry! I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, just explain why your DH could rock him to sleep but you couldn't.

I hope you find something 🙈

You're not being unkind, breastfeeding needs to suit both of you so it's fine to stop when you want- you've done brilliantly to feed until now.

Can you put him in a sling so you don't have to worry about putting him down?

Also when you say he tries to feed, when I stop day time feeds I always make sure I wear high necked tops/thick tops so they can't have any access, that might help?

If he sleeps in the pushchair you could also try just rocking him in there/pushing him back and forwards in the hall or something while the weather is terrible?

Buy or borrow every type of sippy cup you can find and try them out with regular milk. My eldest DC would never take a bottle and so when I weaned him off daytime breastfeeding when I went back to work at 9 months we were worried he wouldn't drink all day. We had a nightmare finding a cup he drink from but eventually the end we found a particular Tommee Tippy cup with a very soft spout that he'd drink from and he started to drink regular milk and water.