6 year old Daughter

[booni13]

I have 2 Daughters, aged 3 & 6.

My eldest is the polar opposite of me and I struggle with that. She's a very strong character, v assertive, confident, loud.

I find her 'energy' exhausting. She is a massive extrovert whereas I'm quite introverted. She talks so much and I can feel my energy just draining away. I try and get time on my own but she follows me around the house. As soon as I wake up, she asks me to play. I play and she asks me what game we are playing next.

As soon as she walks in to a room, I stiffen up because I know she's going to ask me to do something. I dread her walking in. I will say I can't play any more and she will nag and nag until I snap at her. I don't shout but my tone with her is shitty. I think my anger around this has built up and I'm ready to be shitty as soon as she asks me to play.

She is also quite controlling and manipulative at times.

I find myself constantly snapping at her over every little thing and it's not fair. I don't know how to try and respond in a calm way any more because I am just full of anger.

I love her and she has a great sense of humour and I need to find a way to resolve this. I start each day thinking ok, be as calm as possible, play one game and calmly tell her I can't play any more. It sounds so simple but within minutes she irritates me. She's so strong and questions every single thing i say and it winds me up no end. After playing for 5 minutes with her, I just feel exhausted. I don't have any extroverted friends for this reason. Or the ones that are sort of extroverted, I will spend an hour or so with them and then go off to have some peace but I can't do that at home.

Help.

This is normal child behaviour, I do understand your exhaustion though.

Sh definitely needs to learn to play alone or with her sibling too. Be firm and set the expectation before the game or even at the start of the day- eg- today mummy can play one game with you in the morning and one before bed. The other times you can do xyz activities

It's a fair expectation that you shouldn't have to play with her all the time. There are also certain types of game I really don't enjoy so DD will only invite me to play something she knows I'll like doing with her. I make a point of sitting down with DD and spending time with her at least once a day but she knows I've got other things to be doing so as long as I've ticked the box of her having some good quality attention she will entertain herself.

Also, I have at times explained to my DD that my brain needs a break from talking and we put music on in the background instead which stems the talking.

She sounds normal enough, and I totally get the constant requests are exhausting! I think she does need to learn to play by herself and you should set clear boundaries and expectations about when you can/can’t play. So Mummy is busy doing xyz so she needs to play by herself/with her sister for 30 minutes and then once you’ve finished you can play with her. If she interrupts it takes you longer. Then you play her game and afterwards say she needs to play by herself whilst, for example, you prep lunch and that you’ll play with her again after lunch is cleared up. You can also try to direct their play so set up something that doesn’t require your constant input- painting, play doh, bet she can’t build a duplo tower taller than her sister etc. There’s also nothing wrong with an afternoon movie during the school holidays. Back to school soon though thank goodness!

Parenting is exhausting, but calling a 6 year old manipulative because she wants Mummy to play with her? Surely she's at school most of the time?

Thanks so much for the advice everyone. I will take it on board.

@NewmummyJ sorry no, the 'manipulative' bit was unrelated to the playing.

She is also in school most of the time. Weekends and the holidays have tipped me over the edge!!

I kind of get you as I have said before it sometimes feels like my daughter wants to take more than I've got to give. Now she's 9 and it has got easier. I wonder if some high quality connection would 'fill her up' a bit so you can then escape. Find something you don't mind doing. More of an activity, rather than play? I liked colouring for example. So I got us a nice mindful colouring book each and some posh pencils and we did that every evening. Made it a nice close activity. Put my phone away for that time. If you go for quality you might be able to row back on quantity. I found the book 'playful parenting' quite a good read.

@Curlewwoohoo great advice. I will look up that book! Thanks so much.

It goes a bit heavy on the physical play but the principles of what it was saying helped me to think things through.

I relate to your situation a bit - my DD l, also 6, wants to play a lot and I need time alone. I just organise a lot of play dates (and host a lot it must be said). That way her play needs are met and I can get a bit of time to myself. Is that an option? Any kids nearby?

I can't remember where I read it, but apparently all children come programmed to seek out and take more than they 'need' from their parents.

My almost 6 year old can be like that at times.. I had to laugh when you said she follows you round the house because that's exactly what he does 🤣 luckily he loves playing computer games with his dad too so we tag team..