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Parenting

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Original poster

Girls who only has other boys as friends

20 replies

Crikeybobs · 17/03/2008 11:36

Hi, I just wondered if anyone has any experience with this. My friend's 10 year old daughter has no friends other than two or three boys her own age. Most of her girl friends have fallen out with her for one reason or another and for the past 12 months has hung around with these boys. She even goes to Cubs and not Brownies or Guides... does anyone think that this will affect her development in any way?
Thanks

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ArmadilloDaMan · 17/03/2008 11:37

nope.

SmartArse · 17/03/2008 11:47

I'm afraid I have no personal experience of this but I can't see how it would affect her development. My sister hung out with boys only until she was about 14. She wanted to be a boy, to the point that she used to stuff things down the front of her trousers ...! Anyway, at about 14, she suddenly realised that boys were rather attractive, and turned into a girly girl. She's now a fairly girly mother of 2 with a lovely DH and I can't see that it affected her development in any way shape or form.

However, there is a girl in DD2's class who only plays with boys, the reason being that all the girls have rejected her because she is an utter b1tch with a foul mouth. She is also very violent and the girls are all rather afraid of her, so it is only the boys who can really deal with her. I feel a little sad for her as she is not included in any of the girls' friendship groups, activities or parties, but TBH I can see why. It is a long story, though, not mine to tell, and I don't think her upbringing has helped her cause.

brightwell · 17/03/2008 11:48

My 13 year old daughter is like this, the girls she used to hang round with have paired up & she's not really got any friends other than boys. She goes to watch them play rugby and sometimes goes to the cinema with them. I'm hoping with time she'll make friends with different girls. I know she's not happy with the situation but she seems to be coping.

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Quattrocento · 17/03/2008 11:50

Double nope

Girls who are tomboys in childhood are usually great fun in adulthood IME.

One of my daughter's friends only ever mixed with boys. The friend is now at an allgirl's school so the mixing has been forced upon her. She mixes well with other girls, but she just preferred boys. I think boys at that age are mostly nicer tbh.

SmartArse · 17/03/2008 11:52

Quattro, you are right, I'm sure: boys ARE much nicer at that age. Girls can be absolutely horrible to each other.

BrothelSprouts · 17/03/2008 11:52

Friends is friends is friends.

Original poster

Crikeybobs · 17/03/2008 12:02

Thanks all.

The bit about the girl being aggressive and foul mouthed struck a chord, I think this particular little girl can be that way inclined, in a sort of 'superior' kind of way and I don't think other girls are very tolerant.

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SmartArse · 17/03/2008 12:12

Unfortunately that may well alienate the other girls. My DD2 was in tears qhite recently because she was worried that she and the other girls were "bullying" this particular girl but not including her in their games. I had to try to explain that I didn't blame them but that I hoped they weren't actually being nasty or unkind either. Trouble is, I have had this child over to play on several occasions but have been so appalled by her behaviour that I now won't invite her, as won't other parents. She came up to me recently and asked if she could come over and said that she would really try to behave, but I had to say no and tell her why (I told her why I wouldn't be inviting her again after the last time ...)

In the case of your friend's daughter, though, hopefully it isn't anything like this, just a case of her getting on better with the boys, and I'm pretty sure it won't do her any harm.

Original poster

Crikeybobs · 17/03/2008 12:15

She's missing out on things like shopping trips and sleepovers though, which I think is a shame. I guess it will all right itself in time.

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SmartArse · 17/03/2008 12:32

It is a shame, I agree. Perhaps she'll "come into her own" at secondary school. I wonder if her secondary school will be co-ed or single-sex. Either way, if she is alienating her peers because of her behaviour, perhaps she will realise it as she matures and things will change. Don't know, really. Does she seem unhappy about not having girl friends?

AnybodyHomeMcFly · 17/03/2008 20:41

I always used to hang out with boys at school - could never get the hang of the two-sided nature of girls at that age - loads of crap rules about who was whose best friend etc. The boys seemed much more straightforward and fun. I wouldn't worry, she'll be fine.

BarcodeZebra · 17/03/2008 22:47

I was the other way around: a boy who always hung out with girls. Apart form a ghastly period from about 14-16 when I was regarded as strictly "friend material", there were no adverse affects. I have two sisters (my brother is much older than me) and I now have two daughters so it sort of worked out.

Don't worry about it.

minouminou · 18/03/2008 16:06

i always preferred boys to girls....still do
i was always more..........ahem.....boisterous....than the other girls, and just didn't understand all those silly rules which were invisible...till you broke them
i wouldn't worry, though....like brothelsprouts says...friends is friends

shoptilidrop · 18/03/2008 18:14

No it wont at all. Ive always had a lot more boys as friends than girls. Im not a tomboy at all, and am very girly, Ive just always got on better with them. Ive maybe had about 10 girls as good friends my whole life. Tis a bit more difficult when you are older i thin.

Snippety · 18/03/2008 18:45

Totally agree with AnybodyHomeMcFly and minouminou. I always found other females utterly boring creatures sitting around with nothing better to talk about than their own fingernails !! In fact I've only just made a really good female friend now I've had ds, and I'm 40 next month. She is way cool though.

Happily married but still like to "cross dress" in fatigues ant t shirts most of the time. Attending all girls' school just made me more determined. I'm also quite foul mouthed and covered with tattoos so I suppose some might count those adverse effects !

HowlingCow · 18/03/2008 20:16

My 4 year old prefers playing with boys than girls which can be awkward as the mums I'm great friends with on school yard have girls. My DD really can't seem to relate to the doll playing and this morning when I suggested to her she plays with the girls at playtime she said "Yes but mummy, I'm a superhero!" Oh well it would be so boring if they were all the same!!

DevilwearsPrada · 19/03/2008 11:29

"My 4 year old prefers playing with boys than girls which can be awkward as the mums I'm great friends with on school yard have girls. My DD really can't seem to relate to the doll playing and this morning when I suggested to her she plays with the girls at playtime she said "Yes but mummy, I'm a superhero!" Oh well it would be so boring if they were all the same!! "

HC you've just described my 5 year old. She has lots of friends that are boys, hates playing with gitls (except her sisters ). She's a superhero, a power ranger and wants Spiderman everything for her birthday. She refuses to play with dolls and instead has lots cars, superman, power ranger figurines and loves playing football. Complete tomboy. Oh and she refuses to wear skirts and dresses. God help me when I've got to get her into a summer dress when she goes back to school. She usually wears pants.

SlackSally · 19/03/2008 13:24

My older sister was extremely girly in childhood and has now levelled out into a jeans in the day/dress at night average kind of girl.

I was very much a tomboy in childhood, and have now levelled out to become very similar.

My younger sister was also very much a tomboy, played with cars, friends with boys etc. These days she is extremely girly, by far the most out of the three of us.

In other words, formative expressions of traditional gender roles don't have any predictable bearing on how one will turn out.

phlossie · 19/03/2008 14:37

I went through a phase of hanging out with boys. I think at age 10 a girl might just feel that she has more in common with boys than girls, which is fine. Girls at this age can start to be complicated and bitchy.
It won't affect her development, but it might be an indicator of the sort of girl she is/will become - she may continue to be a tomboy and outgrow them at some point (probably if/when she becomes attracted to them), or she may be like my sister who had trouble forming meaningful friendships with girls until her mid-twenties - she was too pretty and quite aloof which put other girls' backs up. Either way, she is who she is regardless of the sex of her friends. And it's better that she has boys as friends than no friends at all.

terramum · 19/03/2008 17:19

I only had boy friends at that age & I turned out fine ...tbh I've found that the male friends I've had as an adult have been a lot more long term/real than my female ones.

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