4 years old son, eating specific types of foods, no vegetables. Should we be more strict?

[NewAlien]

My son will be 4 in January. The food he pretty much eats are:
Pasta
Cereals
Bread
Fish fingers
Mozzarella sticks
Hash browns

In addition, he would choose types of that food I described above, i.e, he might not eat all types of pasta. He wouldn't eat such simple food as potatoes / mash potatoes, soups. And no vegetables. He only eats a little bit of cucumbers and corn cobettes. He just would sit there or spit out when tried something else.

Is this concerning at all? I realize it's not healthy at all, mainly eat processed food such as fish fingers and no vegetables. Any advice on that?

Another thing, sometimes when me make something good for him, such as really nice soup and he wouldn't eat a bit, we tell him that he won't get any sweets (we only give him organic sweets, trying to give sugarless, but not all the time). However, last time I've done it and when he asked for sweets, I strictly explained him why I won't give him any sweets today and he started to cry, but very heartily, he almost never cries like that, so I caved and still gave him sweets.

Is that a good strategy at all - punish a child with giving no sweets if he didn't had a decent dinner? And should I be strict and not cave if that happens again?
Thank you.

I have a similarly fussy 4 year old. I make no comments on what he eats, don't try to bargain with him or force him to eat anything. I always serve something he'll eat and then put something new alongside it. 9/10 times, he wont touch it but very occasionally he will try it. He doesn't really eat sweets other than digestive biscuits but he gets one of those randomly and not based on how much he did/didn't eat of a meal. I was a very fussy child and I remember every mealtime being a battle. I'm not prepared to do that with my DS.

Have you looked up ARFID?
My DS was like this as a child and only has Huel now he's an adult.

Does he have sauce on his pasta? I hide a lot of veg in my fussy 4 year olds tomato pasta sauce. He is good with fruit but refuses to eat any vegetables that actually look like vegetables! 🤦🏽‍♀️ With fish fingers I would do homemade sweet potato fries or soup with extra veggies hidden within

My very picky child is much much better when there is no pressure to eat and has one "safe " choice on her plate. She also freaked out if she was very hungry and was surprised by a new food on her plate . Previously I used to have endless battles about no cake/toast /whatever reward she wanted unless she ate xxx food but it didn't work at all. She found that too overwhelming and ultimately would rather cry and not eat than eat what I wanted.

She's now 7 and has improved her willingness to try new foods and also expanded her list of liked foods too by lowering the pressure and expectations.

Look up "kids eat in color" on Instagram. She really resonated with me and helped. Essentially, you choose the menu and timings, the kids decide what and how much to eat. However no food is bad or good, they just do different things to our body etc.

She also says if they won't eat veg, up similar fruits to make up the nutrients in a different way.

My picky eater has also got a bit less obsessed by sugary stuff now too.

(The expert explains the approach better than I do by the way!)

Just serve up a wide range of foods making sure he has a safe food or foods at each meal and completely take the pressure off him.
Get him involved in food prep and setting the table nicely when you can.
Try and eat with him and use serving dishes encouraging him to help himself, this cuts down on wasted food as well.
Don't cajole him into trying new foods or talk about how much or what he is eating.
If you were planning on giving sweets/pudding etc then give it regardless of what else he's eaten but don't give them after every meal. Certainly don't use them as a reward or punishment.
This isn't an overnight fix, it can be a long process so you need patience.

Never punish and never have treat foods just have a whole meal and serve everything up at the same time. Having reward foodsgivesthem more value and an lead to issues later

Serve up a selection of foods, possibly in one of those trays with compartments so nothing touches anything else and let him eat what he wants (and give a multivitamin)

Look up ARFID in case it's more than a picky phase. Lots of children like beige processed food as it is dependable,it looks and tastes the same every time where even on a single bunch of grapes you have different size, taste, texture etc

Quinoa, cous cous and brown rice are similar to pasta in colour and are 'dry' which he seems to like.

Making your own versions of his favourite foods might be an option and you can reduce some of the less desirable ingredients but he'll probably notice

Don’t offer any processed foods.

I’m always baffled by these threads where the OP lists all the processed foods that are offered, then complains their child only eats processed foods.
The combination of fat, salt and carbs are designed to make us crave them.

Your son is probably addicted to the foods that you're feeding him. Read ultra processed foods

I would cut out the sweets, limit them to once a week at most. I wouldn't use sweets or anything else to bribe him to eat foods. Instead I would try having healthy foods available, for example sone berries on the table at breakfast time. Sticks of carrot and cucumber out on the table while you are cooking dinner so if he's hungry waiting for dinner he can eat them. You eat them too, and let him dip them in ketchup or mayonnaise if he wants.

You've got a beige eater.

There's lots of things you can try. You will get lots of suggestions on here. But I never had any success with them. My DS eventually grew out of it.

Meanwhile I fed him the veg and fruit he would eat. (Peas and potato waffles, apples).

We also gave a vitamin tablet every day.

But please don't link food and punishment. That will lead you to real food issues. Keep it calm and relaxed.

My little guy is getting like this. He used to be fine with broccoli etc… He’s too fond of sweeties after Christmas (yes, I bought them). But, I’m feeling terrible as he’s having problems with tummy pains / poop. We were very busy at work before / during Christmas & let eating slide for all of us. But I really want to get him off all the pasta / bread now.

I strictly explained him why I won't give him any sweets today and he started to cry, but very heartily, he almost never cries like that, so I caved and still gave him sweets.

OK this is all the worst advice in one! Never use food as a punishment or reward. Never threaten and back down. Never give all day punishments with small children. And don't give crappy sweets to kids who won't eat good food.

Instead, offer a range of good food at mealtimes, with a few options on the plate, always including fruit and veg (more veg than fruit) and don't comment. No desserts, no sweets, fruit is amply sweet enough! And cook; no overly processed food.

Also a weird one, I find children are more likely to eat if they grow and cook it. Basil for example on a windowsill. Make 'alien pasta' (pesto) and try it with him. Even just smelling basil the first time is enough.

Curious though, what do you eat?

Tonight we had roast chicken, broccoli, roast potatoes

Ds ate the potatoes and the chicken

DD ate the chicken and the broccoli

You're only allowed to not eat one thing (but preferably eat everything)

We used to do hidden veg whizzed up as a pasta sauce with loads of grated cheese.

Cucumber & sweetcorn are veg, and a good starting place.

If he likes bread sticks, you can make veggie puree dips and let him play. Try smooth tomato soup, pureed peas, pureed apple.

Brocolli or beetroot risottos are good too.

Make 'plate faces' with sultanas for eyes, half a cherry tomato for a nose, cucumber slices for eyebrows etc.

Make it fun. Don't turn food into a battle ground. Just keep trying different things in different forms. And make sure he sees you eating lots of different veg. DCs learn by copying. He'll get there eventually.

Maybe you should get some proper medical advice, that doesn't sound like he'll be getting all the nutrients he needs. Could you try smoothies or other clever ways to hide veges?