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Original poster

Not ‘connected’ to DC2 :(

11 replies

Vauzx · 31/12/2023 22:01

Due in a week with DD. I have a 2.5 yo DS and I adore him from the second I found out about him I just loved him unconditionally

this pregnancy wasn’t planned and I don’t feel excited about another baby I’m so scared to have 2 kids and I also worry I can’t love anyone like my DS

i really don’t see how I can he’s the light of my life

but I feel so guilty. So close to having her and I just wish it was further away. I’m not excited :( and I just don’t feel connected all I keep thinking of is my DS and how guilty I feel for him because I’m going to have another baby

OP posts:
cheerfulsunday · 31/12/2023 22:12

I didn't want DC2 the whole way through my pregnancy. Unplanned and only a 17mo age gap.

The moment she arrived I was totally in love. It helps they are different sexes as there's no comparison.

cheerfulsunday · 31/12/2023 22:13

Also DC1 LOVED the baby and still does

driftingdownintomiami · 31/12/2023 22:15

I'm not sure I was excited about either of mine. I just wanted pregnancy over with. But you don't need to worry honestly, I felt the same before I had my second and he totally stole my heart. There is room for both, you'll see.

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driftingdownintomiami · 31/12/2023 22:17

Also agree with @cheerfulsunday about them being different sexes and the comparison issue

galaxywipple · 31/12/2023 22:20

I remember looking at my DD who was sitting in the back of the car on my way to drop her off at DM's before I went in for a CS, and thinking "what have I done?". I was terrified I wouldn't love the new baby as much as there was no way on earth I could feel love like I felt for DD for anyone else. I felt that I was about to ruin her life, and mine.

I learned that you don't love DC1 any less, your heart just expands. You don't have a finite amount of love. You will love DC2 just as much 💗

Original poster
Vauzx · 31/12/2023 22:48

Thanks for the messages :( I feel awful

i I think the dread of the newborn stage doesn’t help. I’m so scared to go through that again to feel so lonely and just suffer alone

i just want things to be as normal for my DS as possible

OP posts:
snackprovidersupreme · 31/12/2023 23:20

I felt so guilty about DS2 and the impact on dS1 before birth. I wish I hadn't worried - newborn babies sleep a lot and don't need mental energy, so there is a slow adjustment in some ways for DS1. My eldest isn't interested in babies at all, but is very strongly attached to DS2 (now 9 months) in a way I didn't expect. It's lovely and has only added to DS1's life.

It has taken me longer to bond this time round, but it's there now and I love feeling like a solid family unit.

Good luck! Siblings are an amazing gift and it natural to be worried beforehand.

katmarie · 31/12/2023 23:31

Ds was 21 months when DD was born, and I felt this too, the guilt of how he would need me and I would have less time for him, and the fear that I couldn't possibly love another child as much.

They are 6 and 4 now. What a pp said is true, your heart just expands, to love more, and encompass the two of them. And what's more wonderful is that they adore each other too. DS and DD are a little gang of two, proper partners in crime, and they're both benefiting from having the other in their life. So not only do I get to love both of these brilliant little people, I get to watch them love each other too. Its worth all of the hard work and tough bits of parenting, seeing them happy together.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 31/12/2023 23:37

Second child pregnancies are not the same as you are busy with dc1. You don't track each day /milestone in the same way so I think it's pretty easy to feel differently (and to feel guilty about that ).

Also just to add, don't worry if you don't feel a huge outpouring of emotion immediately when you have the baby. That's normal too and doesn't mean you won't love both DC as much as each other in a little while.

Nix99 · 01/01/2024 00:34

When I was pregnant with DS I thought there was no way I would be able to love him as much as I loved DD because she is my world and I couldn't contemplate how I could ever love somebody else as much as I love her but the second DS was placed in my arms I loved him every bit as much as I love his sister. And seeing the way she adores him and dotes on him just makes me love both of them a thousand times over.

Try not to over worry at this stage as things could (and will likely) be different when the baby is here. Good luck

whathaveIdone24 · 01/01/2024 00:42

@Vauzx hi just wanted to pop a msg to you & let you know you're not alone. I am pregnant with second baby & I've felt nothing but regret ever since. Im only 11 weeks.. so a long way to go yet. I can't even rub my stomach & just don't feel connected to the pregnancy at all. I feel terrible about it & worrying about my DD. The sickness & tiredness doesn't help either😥

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