My 3.5yo son's aggressive behaviours, e.g. hitting, head butting, scratching, are really draining me and I don't know if I'm responding in the right ways or if this is normal.
His language is advanced, nursery describe him as ahead in development and don't raise any issues or concerns.
I'm a single mum, it's just me and him and I'm really trying my best although sure I'm making a load of mistakes along the way. I have zero support and I mean zero, my dad is dead, my mum in another country and barely engages, I have no other family and my friends live elsewhere. I have zero respite apart from twice a week he goes to nursery while I work.
Anyway, the last six months or so have been so difficult behaviour wise. He punches, hits, kicks, scratches and headbutts usually when told no or out of frustration at not getting his way.
Today has just nearly brought me to tears. We went to the supermarket to pick up some stuff. I told him beforehand the behaviours I expected (hold mummy's hand or the trolley when we cross the road, you can choose which, stay where you can see mummy in the shop, if you show me these good behaviours we can go on the escalator - which he loves).
Anyway, we get in and runs off and goes up to a doughnut stand. I ask him to come and walk with me, reminding him about running off and tell him we're not having a doughnut today. He continues to try and grab a doughnut, opening the door to the doughnut stand etc. I say to come to mummy or he'll have to sit in the trolley to keep safe. He ignores me, so I go up to him and ask him to come with me, take his hand to start walking to the trolley. He refuses to move and people are trying to pass so I pick him up.
Then he smacks me hard in the eye, smushing my glasses into my face and damaging them. When I hold his arm gently and say no hitting he headbutts me full on as hard as he can in the nose. He's not a small child, he's 98th percentile and there was plenty of force in the headbutt. My eyes were streaming and it really hurt.
At this point I put him in the trolley, told him hurting mummy was unacceptable and I wouldn't allow it and carried on around the shops.
I have tried: time out (doesn't work for him, makes him more angry and he just tries to hit me more as I take him to his room), talking about feelings/offering alternatives eg "When we feel angry let's try punching a pillow because we don't punch other people", ignoring (but I don't know that I can ignore being headbutt and smacked in the shop!), redirecting.
I've got the book "how to talk so kids will listen" and am starting reading it.
Maybe I'm not consistent enough?? What method can I use to nip this behaviour in the bud now that works at home and in public? What worked for you? Am desperate!