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Parenting

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Feeling depressed and under appreciated

12 replies

Mamagosling · 30/12/2023 21:11

I'm not sure where to start. I guess I am looking for some advice, and to feel less alone.
Back story; I'm a single parent to a 5yo boy. His dad is a waste of space, never really there for either of us through the baby/toddler months, I left him when my DS was 2.5yo. He does see our son, but they don't have much of a bond.
Its always been me and my son. He has always been my little sidekick. He had to sleep on me or next to me when he was younger.
Now he's at that more independent age, everything I say is wrong. We literally bicker and row with eachother almost daily. He doesn't listen to me, like at all. I'll explain something for him to do, and he will just state at me and tell me he doesn't know what I mean. I'm so frustrated! I want to bang my head against a brick wall! I feel like I absolutely love him (and I do everything for him, I spoil him and my entire life revolves around him). But I also feel like I hate him too. Is that normal!? I feel like such an awful mother for feeling this way. But I just don't like his personality. He's rude, he doesn't say please or thank you unless prompted. At school drop off, the teacher will say hi to him, and he just ignores her. He's very sensitive and can get upset over things that he doesn't need to be upset over.
I guess I'm just sort of hating my life at the moment, and I think I sort of resent him a bit. I feel myself getting frustrated and angry with my DS all the time.
I know I need to get counselling, but I just don't want to tell a professional I think I dislike my own child. Even though I know I DO love him, it's a weird feeling. Please tell me I'm not alone, and things can get better.
If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading.

OP posts:
rochethenut · 30/12/2023 21:14

and I do everything for him, I spoil him and my entire life revolves around him

totally failing him and this is the cause of the problems.

Mamagosling · 30/12/2023 21:32

What do you mean?

OP posts:
rochethenut · 30/12/2023 21:45

honestly? where to start?!

Hopefully someone with more time and patience will come along

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paddingtoncoffee · 30/12/2023 21:48

Replying because the previous reply was so blinking unhelpful ...
He's five, you've both been through a lot. He's probably acting out at you as a "safe caregiver"

paddingtoncoffee · 30/12/2023 21:49

The quotes are because that's what you are to him, not to imply you're not!

paddingtoncoffee · 30/12/2023 21:51

Ps, lone parenting is something that not everybody understands. I wouldn't listen to every opinion that comes your way

Mamagosling · 30/12/2023 22:08

It was, right 😂 They have made me feel 100 times worse than i already do.
Thank you for your reply.
I'm trying my upmost best as a single parent. It's honestly the hardest thing I've ever done. And each day I feel like I've failed him at one thing or another. I guess I'm really struggling and not sure where to turn to.

OP posts:
Betwixpotter · 30/12/2023 22:25

What are your strengths as a person and as a parent?
What about him, what is his personality like? What are his interests?
For every thing you think is going badly in your life, or in your relationship with your child, try to find two things that are going well. Then strengthen the things that are going well, and see if there is a way to use these to change the things that you want to change.
My DC have a very different personality and outlook to me, and as a lone parent that can be really hard because for some things there is no complimentary adult.

Betwixpotter · 30/12/2023 22:27

Also for some parents some stages are harder than others. Personally I am finding I enjoy my kids more the older they get and the more they can do for themselves! 5 years old is a really hard age.

mynameiscalypso · 30/12/2023 22:31

He sounds very like my 4.5 year old. Love him more than anything in the world but, bloody hell, the start of term can't come soon enough and that's with two of us to share the load. You have my utmost respect for getting through the day with an inch of sanity remaining.

Mamagosling · 30/12/2023 22:38

Thats a really lovely idea, thank you. I will write some things down and see how we can turn it around.

OP posts:
Outandabout43 · 30/12/2023 22:43

No advice but solidarity. I'm going through the same with my three year old. Spent most of the day crying in frustration, which then just makes her worse. Like you said, love her more then anything in this world, she's my life, however someday I don't particularly like her very much.

The days are endless, if I'm not at work I'm with DD, there is NO break. I attempted therapy but couldn't even find a free hour a week to manage this.

Your not alone OP and i totally get it.

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