I'm not sure where to start. I guess I am looking for some advice, and to feel less alone.
Back story; I'm a single parent to a 5yo boy. His dad is a waste of space, never really there for either of us through the baby/toddler months, I left him when my DS was 2.5yo. He does see our son, but they don't have much of a bond.
Its always been me and my son. He has always been my little sidekick. He had to sleep on me or next to me when he was younger.
Now he's at that more independent age, everything I say is wrong. We literally bicker and row with eachother almost daily. He doesn't listen to me, like at all. I'll explain something for him to do, and he will just state at me and tell me he doesn't know what I mean. I'm so frustrated! I want to bang my head against a brick wall! I feel like I absolutely love him (and I do everything for him, I spoil him and my entire life revolves around him). But I also feel like I hate him too. Is that normal!? I feel like such an awful mother for feeling this way. But I just don't like his personality. He's rude, he doesn't say please or thank you unless prompted. At school drop off, the teacher will say hi to him, and he just ignores her. He's very sensitive and can get upset over things that he doesn't need to be upset over.
I guess I'm just sort of hating my life at the moment, and I think I sort of resent him a bit. I feel myself getting frustrated and angry with my DS all the time.
I know I need to get counselling, but I just don't want to tell a professional I think I dislike my own child. Even though I know I DO love him, it's a weird feeling. Please tell me I'm not alone, and things can get better.
If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading.