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Original poster

DD8 monopolises with ‘shows’

15 replies

Eatingallthemincepies · 30/12/2023 20:10

DD8 likes to put on ‘theatre shows’ in the living room that go on for a verrrrrry long time. Sometimes they’re sweet and she’s worked hard on them. Other times it’s nonsense but I guess she’s playing. The problem is how long she takes over it, and when she has MIL doing after school she monopolises her for an hour to do preparation/practice/performance, whilst DS4 gets ignored. Often she’ll ask DS to join but he doesn’t do how she says (he’s 4!) and she’ll lose it at him.

I’m wondering if we need to set a boundary on this? We tend to as parents, but the MIL goes along with it, no boundaries on the time or how she bosses about DS, and I’m worrying about DS.

Is this normal? I remember doing shows but this feels a bit much!

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PTSDBarbiegirl · 30/12/2023 20:15

Yes put a boundary on it, some fun is great but monopolising all of the time and attention could be unhelpful. Why not encourage her to write a script for toys and they can record it, get them into a drama club. It's not great for the to see themselves as more deserving than anyone else of time. They sound very talented though so nurture it but develop into a comic strip, play for toys to act out etc.

PinkMimosa · 30/12/2023 20:27

Definitely agree with putting some boundaries in place.

And as wonderful as it is having the help from your DMIL you might want to have a chat with her and maybe ask if she could watch a show first half an hour and then do something DS wants to do for half an hour?

AllAroundMyCat · 30/12/2023 20:40

Yes to a boundary/time limit
She needs to know that the world doesn't revolve around her and her performances.
If she carries on , her behaviour will become untenable.

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brassbells · 30/12/2023 20:52

Has she been to theatre shows like pantomime etc?

If so, she should understand the idea of an interval?

This could be used for a focus to be on DS and his toys or playtime with DMIL or you

If she hasn't been then I suggest you take her to a show in a local theatre

Also, agree with others, get her to go to a local theatre club so she learns about taking turns to be the starring role and focus

Marmaladegin · 30/12/2023 21:02

Honestly I would describe myself as a pretty crunchy gentle parent, but the shows make me lose the will to live. I definitely put boundaries in place. By age 8 I used to have polite but fairly honest conversations explaining that I was not interested in seeing anything unless some effort had gone into rehearsal, and no very long shows! I dont really think these conversations do anyone any harm tbh

itsgettingweird · 30/12/2023 21:05

Yes because the boundaries are a good life lesson.

8yo become teens. Teens that monopolise attention in themselves become unpopular.

It would be a shame if an obvious talent is then something she hates because of reaction to it.

I agree with enrolling her in theatre groups so she can utilise her talents and confidence wisely

Daffyyellow · 30/12/2023 21:42

Limits are needed, to the number of shows and the length of them.

Original poster
Eatingallthemincepies · 30/12/2023 22:57

Thanks everyone! Ok, so we’ll need some boundaries! The problem is mostly with my MIL though, because like I say as parents we do have put limits on (@Marmaladegin I also lose the will to live!), but MIL is the problem. She seems to favour DD over DS, and likes to have an activity to engage with them in, so doing shows suits that, whereas my physical and slightly wild DS doesn’t and that’s part of why he gets left. MIL is sensitive to criticism and she cares deeply for the kids but she’s not very good at reflecting on her behaviour. She has a strong bond with DD and identifies with her (overly so I think and treads on my toes), and is of that ‘boys will be boys’ generation failing to see the emotional impact on him.

Great idea to channel her talents, thanks!

OP posts:
Scarletttulips · 30/12/2023 23:01

Tell her she can only do one show a week!

Esmerelda2024 · 30/12/2023 23:02

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PinkMimosa · 30/12/2023 23:06

Can you help DNIL by setting up some activities she can do with DS like decorating fairy cakes, Lego or a board game he likes?

AnotherCountryMummy · 30/12/2023 23:09

Just wanted to show some solidarity and say that I find my children's shows extremely dull, boring and monotonous 😳

TheOccupier · 30/12/2023 23:18

Urgh, I hate sitting through kids' "shows". Maybe DD could go to an after school club on MIL's day so MIL has time to bond with DS before they pick up DD?

cornonthesnob · 30/12/2023 23:19

I'd find this really annoying tbf if I was visiting someone's house having to sit through another persons kids shows for an hour at a time and nothing was done about it.

everyredsock · 30/12/2023 23:24

She won't be doing it for ever. One day, none of you will realise it but it will be her last performance as she'll grow out of it.
Let her use her imagination and creativity.
Oh, and sign her up to drama club asap.

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