Very worried about my 10 year old

[WoolfieWoo]

He is a very anxious boy with self esteem issues. We have arranged him counselling to discuss his anxieties. He’s just had a session and came out much happier than I have seen him in a while. He said he felt able to tell the counsellor about “weird crushes” he’s been having on family members (Me, his dad, his aunt). His counsellor was able to reassure him that it wasn’t a crush at all, it was mixing up different types of love and getting them confused in his head. He explained it felt like a weight off his mind. Which is great, and I’m pleased we have such an open relationship he was able to tell me. But I suppose I’m worried about it at the same time. Is the counsellor right - that it’s just mixing up types of love? And are these potentially intrusive thoughts? I’m worried about OCD.

I've heard of similar when children start to go through puberty and are trying to compartmentalise family familiar love and also understand attraction, family members can maybe feel like a safe way to try to understand it all. Is he encouraged to see himself as separate from close family and helped to build his own network and some of his own skills. The more he can visualise being able to cope outwith the family he'll see himself as an individual.

Sounds like a tricky conversation to have but can he explain a bit more as what he sees as a crush?? And does he have other crushes say at school for example on either girls or boys? It may help to drill down why he feels this way.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the crush thing specifically. I know it does sound a bit odd to an adult mind, but at his age he probably just doesn’t fully understand what a crush is and he has mistaken familial love and affection with what a crush feels like. It sounds perhaps like he’s never had a crush and it trying to make sense of it. I’m sure the counsellor would have flagged it if it was an issue anyway.

I would actually let the counsellor do the drilling down - it's brilliant that he is opening up to her on some difficult issues and I would leave it to her for now. Maybe you could book a meeting with her for advice on how best to reassure your son.

FWIW, I remember some very disturbing vivid sex dreams about various relatives and teachers during puberty. I promiseyou that in the cold light of day, I didn't have the hots for any of them. It was like my subconscious was trying (and failing!) to attach my burgeoning sexuality to someone, anyone. Hopefully what your son is experiencing is some variant of this - puberty is a weird and tricky time.