Family history of post partum psychosis, should I have kids?!

[FancyPant]

Bit of a long one but here goes! I have always been ambivalent towards having kids, but I think a lot of that has to do with my mum. Now I am approaching my mid 30s I have such a fear that I will regret not having them, but of ruining my life of I do. My mum had PND after me, but bad post partum psychosis after the birth of my siblings. I remember her screaming and being taken away in the ambulance. After that she had recurrent episodes of depression and mania throughout my childhood, she was never the same. I have also struggled with depression throughout my teens and twenties, but finally feel stable and happy, and I have a lovely fiancé who adores me. He thinks he would maybe like kids, but says he loves me more and that he's fine not to have them to stay together. I always thought kids would be out of the question for me, but I am starting to think about it more. But I am so afraid that I will not be able to cope mentally, that I will have a breakdown, and that I will never be the same again, and ruin my baby's life too. Any one have a similar family history that could give advice?

have you received any professional support at any time?

either way - i suggest you engage with someone professional on this issue before making a decision

This sounds like something to talk through with a psychiatrist. I can understand why you're hesitant.

Your fears are understandable although doubtless not as high as if you personally had bipolar disorder rather than a family history. I would suggest reaching out to your local perinatal psychiatry team for advice - their consultant may be able to meet with you and quantify the risk - as well as talking through how to put plans in place to support you if you went forward with starting a family. Good luck.

I’m adopted and from what I know of my background, my bio mother had very severe MH issues, after I was born (and leading up to my birth). I suspect the diagnosis nowadays would be Post Partum Psychosis. I was terrified of having my own children, in case it turned out the same for me. It didn’t, I had PND after one, but only on a ‘normal’ level. First and third, no issues at all. I do suffer some anxiety and reactive depression but I am so glad I had my own little family.

My mum had post partum psychosis, which in turn gave me a 50/50 chance of suffering the same. I was referred to the perinatal mental health team when pregnant so a care plan could be drawn up, including planning the birth with an emphasis on reducing/removing anything that might make ppp more likely to happen. For me that included a tour of where I would be giving birth to reduce anxiety. A private room for the whole birth, not just the delivery, so I had more chance of being able to sleep. My partner being allowed to stay with me at all times, so I felt safer. And employing a cleaner so I had more chance of getting enough sleep after baby was born. After my DD was born, I had visits from the perinatal team, first in hospital and then at home. The visits started off being every other day and gradually reduced to once a week, they stopped at 6 months post partum but with an option to restart them if I/my partner had any concerns. Luckily I did not develop post partum psychosis but I'm sure I would have been looked after well if I had. It's much better to treat it as soon as it becomes apparent so making sure your partner, friends and family are aware of the symptoms, and who to contact if they have concerns, is important. Hope this reassures you that it is possible for you to have a family if that's what you want!

For me I wouldn't want to risk it, it could be a really horrible outcome if I did end up getting it (I've read stories of horrific outcomes in severe cases). But if I chose not to have dc then the worst that would happen is that I would just continue a child-free life on a steady MH path.

I am one of four sisters, I had PND after my first and post partum psychosis after my second and fourth. My third and fifth were girls, I was only ill after the boys. There was no family history and my sisters had no PND. My dd has a little boy now and she didn't have PND. I worried for dd but thankfully my worries came to nothing.
I'm not sure that I am forever changed, I have some memory loss around the time when I was psychotic but I wouldn't say it was a problem. It was felt I would always need medication but I weaned myself off it all when I became pregnant with dd2 and haven't taken any since so for more than 21 years. It was horrendous at the time but in the grand scheme of things I would still have wanted to have the dc even if I knew what was going to happen.

This is my story I have shared here years ago. Trigger warning for just about everything including: death, miscarriage, sexual assault, suicide.

I had postpartum psychosis and I think it was triggered by buried feelings due to a miscarriage/rape. I had never known a love like it, I wanted her to live so badly I watched her every second and “guarded” her even when she was asleep to make sure she was still breathing. I cracked. After 4 weeks of almost no sleep I became convinced she was going to die like my first.

I heard things like people talking in another room but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I saw things jumping out at me in the dark. I knew it wasn’t real yet I could smell the corpses I had to walk past to get to her crib. For about 24 hours I saw bloodied zombies everywhere, looking at me and down at my baby. It was hell. I didn’t want to hurt her but I had voices telling me to and their suggestions horrified me. I kissed her goodbye and was about to slit my throat when I had a moment of clarity. I called my mum. She took me to hospital and I spent 3 months in a special mum and baby psychiatric unit. I’ll never forget the kindness of a woman at the hospital before I was transferred. She was a volunteer who has been told what had happened and when I woke up she was just sat there reading the papers. Taking to me as if I wasn’t a monster.

After the first dose of medicine I never heard or saw anything again. Those drugs are no joke! For the first week I had the nurses looking after my baby as I was so so tired. They also had her every night in their nursery until I got used to the drugs and was able to get up to her in my room. I had extensive group and solo therapies and when I left I was more than ready to stand in my own two feet. However, after much insistence from social services, I moved in with my mum.

Today? It feels as if it happened to someone else really. I live my partner and my eldest is a happy and thoughtful soul who loves interesting looking rocks. I was completely fine for the two after that but I was taken care of.

I had a MH midwife, my partner took a month off of work and did EVERYTHING and I had health visitors visit me often. That’s how you beat this - support. People who know you well enough to know when you’re not alright. If I look back I can see that eating twice a week, sleeping for a couple hours once every few days and obsessing over the baby to that extent, was not normal.

Oh I forgot to add she’s almost 8 and I haven’t had any meds since she was 7 months.

I am bipolar so had a 50% chance of severe depression or psychosis. I was referred to the perinatal team as soon as I found out I was pregnant. At 32 weeks they were more involved and I saw someone regularly and the psychiatrist wrote me a birth plan. I was to get a private room after the birth which outside of covid would have allowed my partner to stay but this wasn't an option for me. She arranged for me to have midwife support for the full 30 days and after the initial couple of days I had the same midwife visit me at home every few days and they communicated with my HV and my cc through the perinatal team. The psychiatrist did a review around week 2 and the first few weeks are the greatest risk for pyschosis. For me it started at 3 weeks. I had support from the HV seeing them every 2 weeks at first, I saw my cc with the perinatal team every 2 weeks and with phone calls on the other weeks. I had CFT group therapy and lots of medication. Unfortunately for me this didn't make any improvements and at 10 months it was treatment resistant and I was admitted to a mother and baby unit. I ended up on a lot of medication and got vig therapy in the community. It took until 2 years for my life to be back to normal but that involved coping with awful personal situations aside from the pnd which didn't help. I went from mat leave to sick leave. It took 2 months for a phased return to get me to 4 days a week where I have stayed.

At 1 year I couldn't ever imagine having another child given the risks of it happening again.at 2 years it still seemed a bad decision. I'm at 3 years now and well I don't know but we are exploring the possibility and am currently removing medication that I can't conceive on. It was awful but covid and personal circumstances made things 1000x worse. Knowing the support that's possible and the benefit the mother and baby unit had would mean that maybe I would have accepted the bed at 8 weeks when I was first offered a bed rather than 10 months when I actually accepted it! The vig was amazing and I would definitely investigate that again even if I had to pay for it