Mums of 3 please give me your tips

[seeyouinanotherlifewhenwearebothcats]

I gave birth to DC3 in November via planned c section. She is the first of my kids to be EBF to date. Weight gain was slow but seems to have caught up, she has jaundice still at 8 weeks but bloods all done and no one appears concerned, it’s been put down to breastfeeding. I have DS 5 and DD 3. DH has been an unbelievable support which helped get breastfeeding established. She’s now 8 weeks and I feel still in a fog. Not disconnected from her, she was very much planned and longed for. But I feel that despite her being my 3rd child I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. Always worrying is BF going well, feeling guilty I’m not giving the older two enough time. With the Christmas break there is no semblance of routine whatsoever. The house is on its arse although DH makes a valiant effort to keep on top of things when I’m pinned to the sofa cluster feeding. I suppose my question is - does it get easier? When? What will a routine look like? How will I ever juggle the 3 of them at bedtime/ bathtime? Also; how did you involve your older kids in helping with baby. We ask for help fetching nappies and wipes, anything else I could be doing? Any advice in general much appreciated 🤯

Should also add, I found recovery from this c section (third) much harder and I think that threw me for a loop as well. Feeling out the other side of that now thank goodness

Remember that you’ve had major abdominal surgery. Years ago you’d have been in hospital for 7 days and no lifting/hoovering/driving for 6 days.
So you’ve done that plus Christmas! Once the tree is down and the others are back to school/nursery you will get back into a routine, and feel in control.
Dont forget to put baby in the daylight to help get rid of the jaundice.

*6 weeks

I have three with the exact same age gap OP, but mine are all grown now.

I do remember the utter chaos I felt in the early days of number 3. Honestly, I think I just muddled through. I remember being worried that I was stretched thinner with three and felt I didn't ever get a chance to give myself 100% to dd3. I was forever palming her off or racing off with the older 2. She's the reason I never had #4 - I was at capacity with 3.

Does it get easier? Yes. Eventually. Muddle through. Be kind to yourself. Nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass. You're in the hardest bit now, because you're still recovering yourself.

And loooong term it's so much fun having three!

You are right at the beginning, please don't stress. With our 3rd it was just like throwing him into the family stew and stirring very hard until he blended! You just find you all adapt, like.with your second. I also EBF them all and you will be grateful in a few months when you can feed anywhere (especially plane journeys where BF works like magic to knock out babies). Our 3rd is currently 6' 2" and has a great relationship with his older sisters.
Just take it a day at a time right now OP and go by by nightly motto when putting them to bed: it's a successful day if "everyone fed, nobody dead".

I agree that Christmas amd school holidays just add to the chaos! Make the most of dh being off work to sit and relax and feed and get him to focus on the older two amd house jobs.

Does the 3 year old go to nursery?
For school runs, get all bags, coats and shoes packed the night before, packed lunch done and in the fridge and bowls and cereal boxes set our for breakfast. I didn't bother getting the baby dressed before we left the house, just clean nappy and coat on then focused on baby when we got home. Baby was in the sling/carrier a lot and that meant I had 2 free hands for the other two on walks and at the park etc.

Mine have slightly larger gaps and what I struggled with, and still do now the youngest is nearly 4, is helping the older dcs with reading, spelling and homework when dh is working late and its dinner time and witching hour. Haven't fully mastered that, but we do use a reward chart for the middle reluctant son and focus more on that sort of thing at the weekend when there's two of us so we can do 1-1 with them.

Also be kind to yourself emotionally too and keep an eye out if you're still feeling wobbly in a few weeks and seek support if you need it.

Also it doesn't matter one jot if you have some 'easy dinners' a couple of days a week with them. On bad days, we had beans on toast with veg sticks, or soup and baguette. No one became malnourished and its what we did to get through the bad days 😃

I have 3 - 6, 4, 2. I found 3 the easiest really. All your routines are there and the baby just slots in! It will be easier once school and work start again - I think this struture-less, post Christmas limbo won't really be helping! I liked having to be up and out to take ds1 to school when ds3 was newborn. It gave me a frame for the day. I'd stop at the park to let the toddler run round and then home to bf and start sorting out any house stuff. Sort of set me up for the day! Bath and bed is easy - I tend to pick 1 and bath first. Dry and pj and let that one either chill in the bathroom (if the baby in a bounce chair when little) or play in their bedroom. Then bath the other two. All pile onto my bed for stories and bf littlest at same time. Then each to their own beds - they have their own little things to help them relax in bed (oldest has an audiobook, youngest has white noise, middle has a light projector). I settle them all and then stay with the youngest until he is asleep as he is the noisiest otherwise! If dh is home we can divide and conquer. You will get there! It's early days and bound to feel overwhelming but honestly this bit flies by! Little one will be running around chatting before you know it! I didn't do anything around getting older ones to help (with the baby) unless they specifically wanted to - mine are all quite close in age so I try to set up games / activities they can all play to help them bond. Otherwise I just expect mine to do the typical little things like tidy up time when finished playing.

I have the same age gaps as you and the newborn phase with DC3 was a pretty wild ride, not least as DH got the flu a couple of weeks in and was out of action for a few really rough days (we have no family support nearby). All mine were ebf and you’ll become a pro at feeding the baby while doing jigsaws/kicking footballs/bellowing at people to put their shoes on. We also spent a fair amount of time camped on the sofa having a group snuggle while the baby was feeding. Mine loved helping out with her - fetching things I needed, rocking her in her bouncer, helping at bathtime etc. You’ll find your rhythm and once you’ve got your routines figured out, you’ll be grand. I definitely found going from 2-3 harder than 1-2 but mine are 7/5/2 now and it’s lots of fun.

I found 3 hard but agree you just muddle through and they get older and it’s all alright. I hated that I couldn’t clear the floor though with a baby constantly on me.

one tip is to put a load of laundry on every single day.

and I got into decluttering in a massive way when the baby was bigger. That helped me feel in control in an out of control life.

i never felt I was doing it right or that I knew how to cope with a baby. But give them all lots of love and time passes and they grow up!

I also had 3 with the exact same age gaps and they are all teenagers now (sometimes I long for the baby days again).
The early weeks were a bit of a fog but I remember carrying the baby in a sling as much as possible and reading to the older kids when feeding the baby. I tried to get as much dinner preparation as possible done in the morning before witching hour started.
I tried to have a routine and get out each morning eg playgroups, swimming lessons, walk to park etc. Then it was home for lunch and some quiet time/kids tv show so I could recharge. My husband always did the bath/bedtime routine once he got home which was helpful.

does it get easier? Yes it really does. You think it won't but it will and it will be fun. Three little characters bouncing off each other. They are amazing to watch.
When? From 3 months onwards when baby was in a better feeding routine - any growth spurt is hard with BF. You will be feeding none stop.
What will a routine look like? It's been four years so I've forgotten but it was a case of baby fits in around older DCs school routine and work. I had to be super organised and get things ready day before. Poos in nappy as due to leave house was a mad dash. I'd have changing things by the front door.
How will I ever juggle the 3 of them at bedtime/ bathtime? You will. My older two loved helping. I had to be mindful to not ask all the time like they were mini slaves. Lots of praise. The older ones liked reading to youngest and still do.

Also; how did you involve your older kids in helping with baby. We ask for help fetching nappies and wipes, anything else I could be doing? Any advice in general much appreciated

Mainly letting them hold and cuddle baby supervised. Explaining to them I'd need a bit of help sometimes. Not asking them all the time just sometimes. Trying to make sure they get time with mum and dad alone. So a bit of lone parenting while other looks after baby. They enjoyed pram pushing. Feeding baby when on solids (obviously everything supervised). I was home schooling for some of it due to COVID. That was the hardest part but we got through it. Also be kind to yourself, you don't need to be superwoman. Sleep is a priority not having ultra clean house.

It does get easier, mine are now teen, 10 and 4. They are awesome together, similar sense of cheeky humour. Insanely funny much of the time. All very good at helping when I ask. Hardest will be when they are ill at same time but you just get on with it. Your DH sounds great so that really helps too!

My 3 are grown up now, but looking back I think it got easier when the baby was at age when he was able to interact with the older ones. They weren't that interested in him when he was very small, but once he started laughing and smiling at them and their antics, they engaged a lot more and kept each other entertained.
I think that was around 4-6 months old.
As other posters have said, once you are back into your usual school routine, it becomes easier, the baby is entertained simply by being in a busy household and getting out on regular walks on the school run.

Thank you all so so much. I’m so encouraged by all these comments and lots of food for thought as to how to reshape our routine. I like the idea of doing stories in our room. YY to the previous poster who found managing reading and homework challenging! I tried baby in the sling and she isn’t that fussed but I will persevere to get her used to it. Got the taming twins cookbooks for Christmas so hoping to get some easy slow cooker dinner recipes 😂 I agree this limbo after Christmas probably isn’t helping. It’s all been very hectic. Routine will help. Thank you all again ☺️

I used Flylady for the house.

I also read the Baby Whisperer at that time and used her gentle sleep advice that freed up some time in the day for other things.

It will get easier - ours are all adults now and have just been home for a couple of days with their partners.

It was noisy and chaotic and I loved it.

When they were a bit older I had a local uni student come and help during the "witching hour" when you are trying to make dinner and everyone is exhausted and someone is hanging onto your leg! My husband was great but was often home around dinner time rather than before, so having someone there to distract the children was a godsend and helped create calm for the rest of the night.
I also had a cleaner just come and do my bathrooms and wash the floors once a week when the kids were very small as I never seems to have time for the floors in particular. I know not everyone can swing to this but it was worth doing without other things at times just for the sense of sanity it gave me and was very good for morale!