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Parenting

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Original poster

Grandparents favour DD over DS

6 replies

Eatingallthemincepies · 28/12/2023 20:02

My in laws have always had a tight bond with DD8. DS4 is getting left out and then called ‘naughty’ for acting up. DD will then shout/name call but they don’t stop her. They do after school a couple of days so this is a problem and I’m wondering whether to use after school club or if anyone else has other ideas please? But I don’t want to stop what is mostly a positive relationship.

We’ve had a word about trying to empathise with DS but not sure it got through. DS is more challenging to be fair, as a cheeky 2nd child and physical boy, so in part this might be personality match. The bits I’m not happy about are DS feeing left out and criticised, and DD not being reigned in bossing about and then shouting (I don’t allow that). Please help!

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whyamiawakestill · 28/12/2023 20:43

Not sure if this is remotely helpful but we had the same but with same sex children, the in laws massively favoured the first born and it was so obvious I had to call them on it.

It didn't change I'm afraid but I just wanted to add it's not always gender related.

Theasparrot · 28/12/2023 20:48

I'm 65 now and both sets of Grandparents and my parents favoured my older brother. He died in an accident at 19, he was still the hero for many years. It's had a terrible effect on my life, I've always felt that I didn't matter. Try to stop this now.

mamacorn1 · 28/12/2023 20:48

Use after sch club. This is not changing and eventually ds will start to get emotionally affected.

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Original poster

Eatingallthemincepies · 28/12/2023 21:35

Thanks everyone! It’s interesting to read quite strong views on this and I suppose I’m a bit surprised because although my gut’s been saying this isn’t ok, DH doesn’t think it’s a big deal. I should add that they are really loving grandparents and good people, and we rely on them because my parents are distant. I wonder if everyone sees it this way?

@Theasparrot so sorry you had that experience. @mamacorn1 That’s what I’m worrying about yes! @whyamiawakestill That’s really interesting, thanks, maybe it can be a bond already with the oldest.

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Chalkdowns · 28/12/2023 21:37

Both sets of grandparents show favouritism in my family. It’s not very wise of them as it just pushes the other kids away. But they aren’t parents and don’t have to be fair and maybe it’s a tiny bit of a life lesson ? Worse if there are fewer kids I guess.

I was definitely not my grandparent’s favourite but I was in the majority in not being so

Arthursmom · 28/12/2023 21:37

My grandparents and aunts / uncles and my mother did this with me. They now do it with my son and my brothers son. I just limit their time with him and am very observant when we are all around. He has a great relationship with his other grandparents and DP family where he is the apple of everyone’s eye-rightly so. It’s their loss. I’d use after school care because it has affected me greatly.

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