Velcro child

[desikated]

Hello

Looking for wise ideas and experience. Have a 2 yo (26 months). Only child. We don't have anyone to help us so she has had a lot of input from me and her father throughout her life and is only really used to having care and attention from us.

She goes to nursery half the weeks - has taken her an age to settle in but she is now, although is quite attached to specific members of staff.

She is a very VERY Velcro toddler. Needs constant input and engagement and cannot really entertain herself (tbf she does do occasionally but it's rare). So with two of us in the house, one is always playing with her / entertaining her and this has to be quite active on our part. When out and about, she wants us involved in all her play eg in sandpit or whatever.

Having seen other similar age children, this doesn't seem to be completely typical with other children able to play and entertain themselves for periods of time. An (ex) childminder also told me that when he daughter was 12 months old she could entertain herself for 45 mins without any input.

Any tips or advice on how to encourage her to entertain herself a little more? And, is my child really abnormal for being like this? I know it's all my fault for being a dreadful parent and it worries me I've messed her up so much.

There's no need for all the dramatics about being a terrible parent because your two year old hasn't developed the ability to play by herself yet, so chill out with that.

The only way she will learn to entertain herself is through practise so just stop being her full time entertainment. Obviously still play with her at times, but also leave her to find her own fun. Let her be bored or frustrated and find her own way through it. Make sure she has access to age appropriate toys and a safe, clear, welcoming space to play and then leave her to get on with it.

It may help initially to start the game with her and then find a reason to leave, for example you could ask her to make you a cup of tea (if she has a tea set/kitchen toy) and then tell her that her various dolls/teddies need a cup of tea too and ask her to make each of them a cup of tea. Then let her play with the tea set and teddies for a few minutes. When she comes to find you, redirect her back to her game with a suggestion like 'now they look hungry, I think you'll need to make a pie' or 'Teddy looks like he has a tummy ache, maybe he needs the doctor? '(if she has a doctor's kit) etc.

Or if she's more into trains/Duplo type games then sit and initiate a build project ('lets make a tall tower!') and then once it gets going find a reason to leave and let her carry on by herself.

But it's just practise and knowing that boredom/whining isn't the enemy, it's a step on the path to developing an important skill.

Sounds a lot like my 23 month old! I definitely couldn't do something for 45 minutes while he entertains himself. I struggle to get showered, make lunch, make dinner. I suppose that is why he gets more screen time than I'd like. But even then, most of the time he wants me to watch with him!

@NuffSaidSam thanks for the ideas thats helpful - I suppose it's about scaffolding play. I feel like i have tried that but just not been very succesful.

I do feel quite extreme ('dramatic') about it - as it feels like I've done nothing right with parenting. Everyone seems to very naturally know what to do, or have people around them to help them know what to do, or feel confident in their choices. Every thing I do with my child (or don't do) I double and triple question as it feels like I've got it wrong.

I think this is just personality type, she likes you playing and your reassurance. They are all so different.
My son has just turned 2 and will play on his own for an hour and do a sticker book for ages too but has always been one of those kids that is happy to run off and play at the stay and play groups as well without needing my input.
Hes always saying " mummy play , daddy play" etc and does prefer us to play with him but sometimes I just say "mummy is busy" and he will play by himself.
We do play with him too of course. I just find when he's playing on his own I never interrupt and join in (if that makes sense).
He likes small world toys and will act those out.
I really don't think it's a concern with your daughter and you aren't doing anything wrong. As she gets older she will probably play on her own more.

The thing to remember with parenting is it's not a case of 'oh I've tried that and it didn't work'. It's not going to work immediately, or after a few goes. She's two! You've got another 16 years of parenting before you set her free into the world as an adult. Things take a long time. Progress is slow. Just carry on scaffolding play and stepping back. Giving her time to be bored/whinge. Progress will come. She's not going to have mastered playing by herself in the space of a few months. I guarantee she won't be like this at 18. And that goes for absolutely everything else as well, sleeping, weaning, walking, talking, reading etc etc. It's all baby steps.