Are we doing ok or not?

[Sorrento79]

FTM. Later on in life (lengthy IVF), friends all with toddlers or older. Delighted to have little boy arrive last week, 38 weeks, c-section. Home next day.
DP on paternity leave/holidays for next 2-3 weeks
I can't work out if we are doing ok or doing the wrong things. Baby really healthy, loads of nappy changes and doesn't look like lost weight.

what i am not sure about is his feeding and sleeping

he was super sleepy 1st 24-48hrs and comtinues to fall asleep when feeding. We are taking all his clothes off and trying to keep him awake (talking to him, blowing on face) but he'll go after 10-12 mins. He seems to get in a panic/urgently be hungry and then is unable to latch as crying/too upset.
is it right to wake him up to feed him even if he looks ok? I have been doing that a bit but on trying to look out for hunger cues i am not very quick to spot them, yet also it seems off to deliberately wake him

the other sleeping problem is that he hasn't yet tolerated lying in his cot/crib. He will lie in his flat pram if we put him in it when he's been asleep a good time. We've been taking turns otherwise to spend 3-4 hrs at a time sitting up with him to hold him while he sleeps. At the moment that seems do-able but won't be safe once DP back at work

we want to avoid co-sleeping

typing that out it iccurs to me to move the pram upstairs but I think we'll still end needing to sit with him up for several hours several times a night. He is either waking or i am waking him at max 4 hrs to feed

i guess that's all normal? I am in a muddle as tired..

I've got other worries about how much top up he is needing but i will save that ramble for the health visitor!

No advice but just to say we have a 2 day old and I could have written your exact post.

I guess it’s normal? We’re seeing health visitor tomorrow as well.

(I type this holding a sleepy baby who won’t be put down!)

Congrats on your new baby. Do you mean you take off all his clothes to feed him? But he gets upset and then can't latch on? I don't know why you would take his clothes off. Babies sleep a lot in the first few weeks, feeding for 10 mins or so and then sleeping sounds normal to me.

Have you tried warming his cot with a hot water bottle before you try and lie him in it, putting the hot water bottle in before you feed him, then removing it when you go to lay him down. It may be that he feels the cold of the mattress and that unsettles him.

we want to avoid co-sleeping

I'd reconsider this! It is much safer to intentionally bedshare than to accidentally fall asleep in a chair with a baby on your chest, which you are quite possibly going to do if you're sat there for 3 or 4 hours. Seriously OP, babies do not like cots (they're not supposed to, they're designed to be with you at all times, difficult as it is). Cosleeping is a sanity saver.

I thought maybe he was drowsy from being too warm and that's why he was falling asleep? I stayed one night in hospital and the maternity support worker whipped his clothes off (like a magic trick) and fed him a tonne of top up from a cup (without it all going everywhere) in a few minutes to ler me get some sleep. She's done it before a few times i guessed..
I couldn't work out how long he is meant to feed for but if 10 mins sounds ok(sometimes it's 5) then that's really helpful to know, the clothes on and off thing is a pfaff. It was terrible hot on the maternity ward now i come to think of it

Sounds like you’re doing great!
I have a 3 year old and a 12 week old, their sleep has been quite different although raised roughly the same (although I can’t give as much attention to my baby now as she doesn’t have 2 adults completely to herself!). My first would not sleep anywhere apart from on us for the first few months - I was baffled as I never knew this could happen, I thought babies just slept anywhere! We did co-sleep in the end and used the safe 7 or whatever it’s called, we actually slept quite well then until the 4 month regression hit! As a PP has said, it was safer for us to sleep safely than for me to fall asleep feeding her!
With feeding - 10/12 minutes sounds fine. Maybe try without stripping him each time, if you still get a good length feed then don’t worry about it ☺️

If your breast feeding you need to set an alarm to feed him every 3 hours, to be timed from the start of each feed so if you start feeding at 7 and feed feeds until 8 you need to start feeding again until 10. This is until he regains his birth weight.

Almost all breast fed babies loose some weight when their born. When did you last see the midwife? If he is too sleepy to feed and with the ling gaps between feeds I would ring your maternity ward for advice. They may want you to go in to assess for jaundice.

No new born wants to sleep away from an adult.

Feeds can last from 5-45 minutes, so 10 min is absolutely fine. I was told to wake mine every 4 hours for a feed (this is to keep his blood sugar from dipping too low). I was also told if he was difficult to wake, strip him and let the cold air help wake him up. Mine was very sleepy for a couple of weeks after birth, but after that he wasn't so hard to wake.

One of you staying up all night just isn't sustainable. It's normal for them not to want to sleep alone, but not sustainable. If your baby wakes upon being put in the cot, I would feed them again. Repeat until they stay sleep.

All in all it sounds like you're doing fine. There is a learning curve for parents because all babies are different. No one knows what your baby is like, and you're only beginning to get to know what your baby is like.

Feeding to sleep is absolutely fine OP. In fact it’s a useful tool. My second baby had terrible reflux and wouldn’t lie flat.

Have you tried swaddling the baby before you put him in the cot. My first daughter loved this x

We were also told to wake to feed in those early days. My daughter was sleepy too and we sometimes struggled to get her to feed for the first few days. She also had tongue tie which nobody believed at the beginning which contributed to her struggling to latch and falling asleep on the breast instead of feeding.

For sleep it’s early days yet. It might improve or it might not. Have you tried swaddling - Love to Dream swaddles were amazing for us. Also things like warming the cot. If they sleep better in the pram bassinet it could also be that the cot is too big. We switched to a Moses basket for the first 2 months but could have also used the pram bassinet (check if it is recommended for overnight sleeping).

We had to undress my daughter every feed for about 3 weeks.

If you don't want to cosleep long term do reconsider for the first couple of weeks when you are utterly exhausted. If there is a risk of accidental cosleeping due to exhaustion please please deliberately cosleep. Most of my friends had babies that couldn't go in the cot at 1 week but could by 3 weeks. My daughter was the odd one who had reflux and barely slept in her cot for the first year as it caused her pain so we had to cosleep otherwise none of us would have slept. It wasn't ideal and in nearly all other scenarios I don't think I would have coslept

I never woke either of mine to feed - although if they had lost too much, or were going very long then I would have.

TBH, the rest of it sounds very normal - I ended up co-sleeping myself, because at 2 months I realised I just wasn't coping with so little sleep (DS hated a cot), and this was the only way for us all to get enough sleep, but I understand it's not for everyone.