Need to vent - FTM to an 18 month old - finding life tough

[Violet877]

I love being a mum, and my daughter is an absolute joy (mostly) and I don't regret anything, she's a happy girl and I love her fiercely, but at the same time, even though i'm grateful we have a lovely daughter sometimes I find things really tough.

Ever since she started at nursery at 10 months, we have all had constant illness. Me, DD and DH don't seem to go longer than two weeks without a cold or a bug of some kind. Been to doctors to get my bloods checked etc, it's just nursery bugs they say, nothing else wrong.

Because of this I'm absolutely exhausted - all the time.

DD is not a great sleeper and never has been, esp when ill, which means me and DH barely get alone time together and sex has taken a backseat because if one of us isn;t ill, she';s not sleeping well and then we're shattered. DH isn't happy about this and is putting pressure on me which is making me feel more like there;s something else I'm not doing good enough at, but we're a bit stuck.

we don't have family or friends who can help and we can't afford a babysitter so we can do things alone.

we both work full time and coordinate childcare round shifts and nursery.

Always need to tidy, wash clothes, our place always feels messy despite constantly tidying up.

I recently turned down a job opportunity because my mental capacity is full, and I'm always ill at the moment. Just not in the right place to take on something new but pre-baby me would have gone for it, so feel an element of guilt in myself even though it was right for me right now to turn it down.

I feel like i've lost my zest for life and like i've lost me. I haven't lost the baby weight and need to lose two-three stone so feel disgusting. I feel guilty all the time that I'm not able to put 100% into anything.

Will it ever stop being so hard and relentless? Will I ever get me back again? Will the bugs and illnesses stop? I've been ill for 8 months on and off and I feel like I'm on my knees.

Thanks for listening and sorry for moaning.

Solidarity! We are in the thick of this second time round with 20m old DS- I'm sleeping in a different room while DH sleeps in with them and currently clenching with anxiety over his hacking cough.... we are on the fourth illness in as many weeks and I'm on my knees too. We have to do one night on one night off to survive.

BUT because he's my second, I know that they build up immunity and it does get better- DD (4) is rarely unwell enough for any illness to affect her sleep and she seems to get ill less often now. But for now, all you describe is my experience too and my friends say the same. It's so so hard!

Hurry up spring and better health!

Solidarity from us too! I could pretty much have written your post. I don’t think we’ve had longer than a week without some awful illness since Oct and I’m absolutely worn out and exhausted. Massively struggling to function at work as my job is quite mentally demanding and I just can’t do it well on so little sleep. I hope things improve for all of us soon!

I don't have any advice but I feel exactly the same with DD 17m. I have no "zest for life", and one of us is always unwell.
I've heard that once they're 3+ things get a little easier but I just think maybe you get more used to it?
Sending lots of love and a hug.