3 year old wont talk to anyone

[Outandabout43]

DD3 has always been quite clingy to me. She will spend time with dad but if I'm around she likes to be wherever I am. She's fine at childcare and goes in happily and will speak to the other children.

She does like other children however only on her terms. If we are at the park and another child talks to her, she will sometimes speak back and play, other times she will just strop and not want to talk to them.

She also doesn't like speaking to adults, if she doesn't know someone she will just hide behind me. Even with people she knows she won't always speak, she just makes a stroppy noise and cuddles into me.

Leaving her with people is a no,no I've tried it in an attempt to get her used to being around more people, however she cries the whole time I'm away so not fair on the people I have left her with.

Part of me just thinks she will grow out of it, also I don't think it's a bad thing her not wanting to speak to strangers, but then the other part of me thinks it's rude her not speaking to people she knows when they speak to her.

I've started to have family comment on this now and criticism to both me and her.

What do I do and how do I manage this??

Do not allow other people to criticise her for starters.

A young friend of mine was just like this. She's a very chatty 30 year old now. Dont worry. But also what @GrazingSheep said

Does she go to nursery or preschool? If so, it might be worth discussing a joint approach with them. The issues with other children will be ones that they have encountered before, and they might want to work with you on this to help her school preparedness.

If she doesn't go to nursery/preschool, it might be worth looking into to give her wider exposure to others in a safe environment.

Thank-you for this comment. I haven't been allowing it, but the more people get in at me (one family member in particular) the more I've questioned myself.

My friends DD was exactly the same at that age. She used to cry if anyone else apart from mum dad or grandparents spoke to her. Since starting nursery she softened up to other familiar adults and since starting school she speaks to pretty much everyone now.

try not to worry.

I was like this as a kid. A lot of kids are like this. It's totally normal imo. They grow out of it. I can and will talk to anyone now. As a child it felt extremely overwhelming. I remember being a teenager and still clamming up and not being able to speak at certain times. She's only 3! Also, a big misconception is that speech is a milestone. It's not. It can be a useful indicator sometimes but it's not a milestone on its own. Let your DD be herself and don't feel like you need to do something to change her. I have a child with high functioning ASD without a diagnosis for most of her childhood and I just let her be herself. Behavior adjustment can be very traumatic when it's not absolutely necessary. Her behavior speaks introvert or shy. Nothing to fix and probably impossible to change without severely damaging her.

Mine was exactly the same at this age. I just had a stansard phrase I'd whip out when kids came over to speak to her: "oh thank you for asking Bella to play. She is a bit shy but she might like to play with you later".

As for family members criticising her, I'd nip that in the bud, especially if it's done in front of her. "It's fine that she's shy, I'd rather this than worrying she'll go off with any old stranger. Please stop commenting on it".

I would never insist she speak to anyone (even family), but we would entice her into playing, which resulted in her opening up. I also always insisted that she said goodbye at the end of a visit and she could wave if she didn't want to give a cuddle.

This phase lasted a few months and whilst she's still shy in new places or with new people, she warms up much quicker now and she doesn't stop talking unless she's eating or asleep! Try not to worry, embrace her shyness, it's not a bad thing ☺️

Have you heard of selective mutism? It’s more common in girls than boys and often begins around age 3-4. It’s worth bearing in mind for the future just in case, as the sooner it’s addressed the better.
Chances are she is just a bit shy but just to have in the back of your head.

My daughter is similar to this. She's 3 and 4 months now and she can be left for an hour or so with both grandparents and one of my sisters. A 3 I don't think she could do this.
We went to a toddler group for a while year before she felt comfortable to engage with my friends children and to participate in the songs at the end. She hides behind us with strangers even my partners brother and my other sister count as strange to her. She is getting better slowly but surely. She's now a lunatic when comfortable with people and super quiet with new people. The difference in the last 6 months has been quite big

Had your daughter had an eye test? Mine was like this and I still feel terrible that we didn't realise how shortsighted she was until school picked it up. Likewise she avoided interaction with other children and a lot of adults that she didn't know.
Probably she will gain confidence as she grows and maybe best to let her be and not make a thing of it, but would defo recommend an eye test if she has not had one.