Is this normal how I’m feeling?

[4658Lou]

Hope this is in the right subject thread. But just wanted a chat really I’m not looking for answers I don’t think. Short background I gave birth c section 7 weeks ago. I had preclampsia from 36 weeks and was in and out of hospital around 10 days and my C-section was brought forward to 37 weeks 3 days it was abit worrying even though it was elective because:

1. It was brought forward by 3 weeks nearly and

1. I had preclampsia

and

1. My blood pressure got high that on the day of birth I had to be pumped with medication and put on monitoring ctg untill my blood pressure came down enough for me to actually have the surgery it was all up in the air.

(I’m saying these things above as this may be adding to why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling?) I don’t think I feel depressed? I feel down perhaps- I’m trying to be amazing mum /wife doing all the laundry and washing and cooking and cleaning I’m really, really trying and all while trying not to tired or have a wound twinge here and there, I know I don’t help myself as I know I’m abit of a perfectionist I like things really clean in my house so as you can imagine trying to recover from surgery and juggling all that and a baby etc has been difficult so I guess the house chores get me down that it’s not up to my standard sometimes or simply don’t have time to do it. I do have an amazing supportive husband and family but I feel I let them down because I can’t do everything if that makes sense? I just don’t know what to make of my feelings and why I’m feeling down, could it be hormones? Is it something normal that I’m feeling 7 weeks after birth. I feel like I can’t tell my family and husband how I feel because I don’t want to let them down. If I had to describe how I’m feeling right now I just want to cry so much and I’m not exactly 100 percent why x

Congratulations on your baby, you’re both here and it sounds like you’re both doing ok physically although I know from my own experience that a c-section takes some time to recover from physically . Three issues stand out to me from your post
1 - it sounds as if the time around the birth was traumatic, it’s ok to take time to recover from this, it might take a while (I had an ‘elective’ c-section that was arranged within a few hours of me just going for an appointment to discuss possible future induction, had no idea I’d be having the baby that day. The term ‘elective’ doesn’t seem to express all that was going on that day, felt more like an emergency to me than some kind of choice! So maybe just talk it through with people to help process it and maybe if you get a chance see if you can talk about any questions you have with a health visitor.
2 - it is a big adjustment for most people having a baby. Is this your first? Hard as it is standards might need to slip a bit sometimes .
3- it sounds like you need to talk to the people in your life , nobody’s perfect, do you know why you might feel like you should be?
best of luck with it all, and try to enjoy your baby and be kind to yourself!

Sounds very normal to me, it can all be quite overwhelming. Recovery from a c section takes time. I had an elective section at the start of October and tried to do too much too soon, I ended up being very physically run-down.

How is baby doing? Are you able to enjoy baby at all?

Forget about the perfect wife and mother.
On a bad day aim to feed baby, have baby in a clean nappy and clothes. Get food in you even if it's simple. Get dad to do more of the chores

On an ok day above comes fairly easy so classes and playing is less effort. Get out of the house. Make food that is tasty and sort of meal for your partner or some simple chores. Dad fills in gaps

On a good day above comes fairly easy you can cope with more adventurous chores or longer term tasks. Cope with most of the daily chores and additional help from dad gives you space for hobbies.

Get rid of the expectation that every day is a good day. If you find that more of your days are bad days it might be worth talking to someone if it is mood related. Get help from your partner. I had severe pnd and at 7 weeks the only thing I did was feed my baby and do the nappies if my partner was at work. Thankfully due to covid he was WFH in the afternoons and on site in the morning otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make myself a brew or meal all day.

It is such an adjustment having a baby. I had a different experience to you but I found it hard to adjust. My waters broke just after going to bed one evening at 38weeks. I went into labour at 4 am. At 9 am I was 2cm and an hour and a half later I was begging to go back in. The midwife had room in the mlu regardless of how far along I was. I'm very grateful as I was fully dilated and she was born 40 minutes later. For weeks and weeks it felt like I had gone to bed and woke up with a baby as the majority of my labour of through the night and in a haze due to meds. I went into labour before my week off before my due date and I had this plan to do some baking before she arrived as I hadn't eaten for most of my pregnancy due to bad pregnancy sickness. Around 10weeks after she was born I found time on weekend to make the scones I had been craving and quite bitter I hadn't been able to make. It helped reset my mind and focus on the baby in my arms and less on how she arrived. I would try to think of something you could do that makes peace with how they arrived. Maybe something you were planning on doing if they hadn't arrived at 37 weeks?

Thank you I’m just reading everyone’s posts/ responses. I’m physically hurting this evening pain in my wound, my stomach is sore and mentally I’m just exhausted, I have been with the baby since this afternoon it’s now after 11pm at night and will be with the baby all during the night and feeds as it’s “my turn” husband and I take turns either one does a full night and the other sleeps and vice versa or sometimes it’s together and I’m all for helping equally but surely I need to rest I’m not resting enough after my surgery I’m lifting and doing all sorts since a few days after surgery I’m 7 weeks post but been doing this since days surely if my husband has long time off paternity work that it’s not expected all the time to do ‘equal’ I’m on my knees here and I need to sort other things out like baby laundry etc otherwise it’s not done. I love him and he is great with baby but surely he can see me struggling and hasn’t offered to help this evening. Maybe all this is from that I haven’t had time to heal physically or mentally or maybe its just me x

I’m reading others experiences in responses I appreciate you sharing your own experiences with c section x

I can really relate to this, and it sounds normal to me. I had a c section 11 days ago and I’m feeling pretty crappy. This is my second baby and I think I just forgot how hard the newborn stage is. I’m tired, really teary all the time, don’t recognise my body or anything else about me and it’s just hard. But I do remember feeling similar to this last time and that it passed with time, mainly because my first born started to sleep better. Parenting is not for the faint hearted.

You have been through a huge amount. I thought I’d been hit by a bus and had text book ELCS

honestly I would just say to my DH.
“you are on paternity”
“i haven’t recovered from surgery”
”i really need 3 night unbroken sleep. I need to to suck it up”
then get some earplugs sleep in a different room and let him get on with it

my DH was “great” but would tell me how tired he was and I was just like 😒😒😒

buy some “cook” meals or similar.
sod housework beyond laundry.

What really helps us is sleeping in staggered shifts. I go to bed first to get a head start, partner stays up for a few hours then brings baby to bedroom once he's down. When baby next wakes up I take back over. This way each of us can get at least 4 hours a night and remain functional.

It's so important to be able to admit to our partner, "I need X from you."
I also had an emcs and thank goodness I'm not a perfectionist! Please don't try to hold yourself to the same standards as when you were childless. You are keeping a helpless creature alive while recovering from major surgery. Give yourself grace. And look into PPD resources too x.

We do the staggered bedtimes too and technically we are supposed to alternate who goes first as they are guaranteed some sleep whereas the second 'shift' is baby mood dependent. My DH is also great but also drives me crazy telling people how tired he is! After a week of soldiering on I shamelessly go to sleep earlier on the nights I feel drained. I am recovering from a c section, am still anemic and need to be in a position to create the milk which feeds the baby. Therefore your sleep and my sleep is actually more important right now. It is not like pre pregnancy where you could struggle on. the mum is the priority right now especially when DH is on paternity leave.