Is 'relational aggression' really bullying and if so what is the correct way for a school to deal with it

[Mumof3onetwothree]

My children's school's anti bullying policy directly refers to 'relational aggression' as a form of bullying. It discusses social exclusion, 'the look' and says disclosures should be treated in confidence etc etc. However when I went to speak to the class teacher and then the headmistress I was essentially told there was only so much you could do with a quiet child, there wasn't any bullying in this school, the behaviour I was describing wasn't bullying etc etc. My 8 year old child became unwell with an illness around easter time of this year that took several months to resolve and the doctor advised her not to run. This meant that she couldn't keep up with her usual group of friends who play a lot of running games. She hung out more with another couple of girls that she was friendly with who didn't run as much but ultimately after a few weeks they began to exclude her by keeping away from her, walking up close to her while staring at her then walking on past, not including on playdates when they did in the past, handing out bracelets to other girls while looking at her etc. When recovered from the illness the old group kept running away from her and subtlety excluding her. One of them actively tells her to go away and they often have 'private conversations' and she is not allowed to join in. She got on very well with both groups from what I could see prior to becoming unwell. The headmistress eventually did intervene by several times lecturing the class on cliques and telling the class if running look behind to see if someone is left out and if you see someone standing alone go and speak to them. This worked for about 2 weeks but for the last couple of months she is back to wandering the yard alone. I really don't know what to do now. I'm afraid of making things worse as the teacher mentioned names in front of the children and then parents found out and avoid me and I have heard them complaining about the headmistress speaking to the class. Is this just part of life? Should I say something again in the knowledge that it will probably be dealt with in an indiscrete way. I assume the anti bullying policy is a copy and paste job.

It sounds to me like normal a playground fall out. I’m not a fan of the situation where you’ve all got to be friends and play together, no you don’t. If you don’t like someone you don’t want to be with them.
Kids change friends, they’ve obviously moved on. Your DD needs to find new friends, and sometimes that’s out of school. So Brownies/swimming/gymnastics/horse riding. Try to expand her friendships out of school, rather than forcing it in school. And remember that she has to learn to negotiate some of this herself, it’s a life lesson.

There should be a complaints procedure - read it!

It details things like bullying and is a parents guide - use it.

I think she’s going to struggle unless she can move classes or move schools - there does seem to be a gang mentality amongst the parents and it can be brutal!

The school should have a place where children can go if they're not included/joining in group games. I agree that you can't force children to play with others but no child should be left to wander around alone.

I don't think this is a situation of friendships moving on....She has been very good friends with some of the girls for years....the quieter ones. They still get along very well outside of school. However the friendships in school hours seem to be being dictated by each clique having a 'boss' who decides who is in or out. It seems impossible for the quiet girls to form their own group - they have to align themselves to a stronger personality and do what they say. She has now twice been actively blocked from her other friendships by the clique 'bosses'. I get that you too have to fight your own battles but it does seem unbalanced when a quiet child is being heavily dominated by several very strong personalities. Another mother of a child in the class who is a teacher herself has noticed this too and said there are some very difficult personalities and that her other daughter's class isn't like this at all. Other mothers have told me their children want to play with my child but their children aren't being 'let'.
The headmistress will never adopt a buddy bench system or anything similar. She doesn't believe in them. She is very unsympathetic. She prefers high achieving outgoing children. It is a Gaelscoil (total immersion Irish language school) and the culture in these schools tend to be very highly competitive and academic.
I agree the only option may be to move. Several friends of mine who are teachers have said similar. They've said it sounds very cliquey with a lot of 'queen bees' and eight is very young for it to have become this bad. We do a lot of activities outside of school. The problem with moving is I have two children in the school and it is very hard to find two school places in our area as there's a shortage. It would be very hard for us logistically to work two different school drop offs and pick ups. And the clique situation could be as bad elsewhere....it's a wealthy area. I went to two different rural primary schools and don't remember this type of behaviour until I was about 16... I feel in rural areas there is more of a sense of community and less competitive social climbing from the parents.