Doing bedtime alone with a BF baby and a 22mo

[twankysaysrelax]

How do you do it?

My husband has some work coming up that means he won't be back for bath and bed a few nights a week.

I am dreading this.

My baby feeds to sleep and can sometimes take 20-30 mins to properly nod off.

Toddler is usually very good at going to sleep, but I am worried about the logistics and my sanity.

I would love some ideas of how to manage this if you have any experience!

Thank you!

At that age I just let them all sleep in my room, partner was away all week and it saved my sanity.

Agreed, everyone in one bed, audio book on after story and move when everyone is asleep. Make sure you have a drink handy!

Feed the baby while reading to toddler. Toddler settles and then try to get baby back to sleep afterwards

Thanks for replying @Puddingpieplum

I should have said in my OP that all sleeping together doesn't work for us annoyingly - the toddler absolutely hates sharing his sleeping space and my husband will be home about 10pm.

Kids are usually KO'd by 7:15pm.

Maybe I'll try again with the bed sharing, but it has so far ended in screaming and thrashing around because he can't get to sleep 🫠

I have a similar age gap, in the very early days I used to take baby with me into toddlers room, we’d all sit on the chair to read his book then id put the baby down and lift him into bed. It was all quite awkward though and my baby would cry just as I went to read the book most of the time so my toddler is then left sat there impatiently waiting on me. I’ve also tried taking the bouncer seat in. My husband did it once and just left the baby on the mat in the living room 🙈 (much to my horror when I got home) 😂

Now if I’m doing it I will deal with the baby first, even if it means my toddler gets to stay up slightly later. I will put baby in the bath and sometimes my toddler will want to go in too, if not il put something on the tv in the other room for him while I do it. Then get baby to sleep and by the time she’s down I can go back and get my toddler ready without any of the drama. There is always the risk she could wake back up and ruin it but so far so good with this method 😬

I had a similar age gap. Bedtime was a rigid routine so that the wheels stayed on

5pm dinner for toddler
5.30 bath and jammies for both
6pm on sofa for 30 min tv show for toddler with cup milk and I bf baby
6.30 baby drowsy in cot (or bouncy seat with me) story time for toddler and cuddles
7.00 toddler on own going to sleep and I would top up baby or if not needed tuck them up for the night
7.15 me downstairs cleaning kitchen and heating up my dinner
7.30 feet up, tv on, eating dinner

I am thinking that I will put the toddler down as normal, he gets milk in his cot and then falls asleep after wiggling around for awhile and sit in the rocking chair and feed baby at the same time - but I'm just worried that this change in routine (especially as DH has always done 99% of toddlers bedtimes) is going to totally derail him and I won't be able to cope at the end of a long day with two screaming kids.

I used to do read to toddler in their bedroom with baby in bouncy chair. Toddler goes to sleep then last bottle and put baby to bed. I also had a strict routine and they were both asleep by 7.30pm.

I'm not sure I could keep my toddler out of the bedroom while getting the baby down, and he loves jumping around on the bed - he's not massively interested in TV either. Joy!

This is the sort of bedtime I would like to work towards though, maybe in a few months time!

this was me a year ago! I dreaded it too, my husband works mainly evenings and I couldn’t imagine doing it myself.

There is a few things you could try, finding a way for the toddler to be distracted for 20 minutes whilst you feed the baby to sleep or feeding the baby whilst settling the toddler. But only you will know the nuances of your children and what would work best. What worked for us in the breastfeeding to sleep days was a little pot of snacks in the hallway (therefore in sight) with an ipad for the toddler whilst i fed the baby and then I could do the full toddler routine without any interruptions. But often that would go awry 😂

What I will say is that you WILL find a way and to be honest that will be through trial and error. There might be some rough times but you will all be fine :) My daughter now trots off to entertain herself for 10 minutes (which she LOVES, usually colouring) whilst my (now) toddler son gets a story and a cuddle. I could not have imagined this last year lol. Good luck!

Yes we have a strict routine too, which is partly why I'm a bit worried as this is a huge change!

Is your baby happy in a sling/ baby carrier? When my kids were smaller if I was on my own to do bedtime I’d basically do my toddlers routine exactly as normal but with the baby in a sling & then sort the baby out once the toddler had settled.

Yes we do use the sling but she wouldn't be able to stay awake in it, which would sort of bugger up her going down for the night, but I'm definitely willing to give it a go as I can actually feed her while she's in it too.

I’d prioritise the toddlers bedtime and then sort baby out afterwards.

I'd keep toddler's routine exactly the same as usual as they tend to be more inflexible and try to time feeds so you're feeding baby while you're putting toddler to bed.

And yes sort baby's proper bedtime out afterwards, agree with PP.

This is what I did , you will work it out cos you just have to .There is no two ways about it . You will surprise yourself how much you can really cope with . It will be fine .

This was me a year ago.
I included the baby into the toddlers routine v early on. They're now 1 and 3 and both go to bed together.
Newborn/toddler routine was:

1. Bath together, take baby out and dry/dress her beside the bed while the toddler is still in the bath.
2. Take toddler out the bath, get them dressed in the bathroom.
3. take them both to toddlers room.
4. read toddler book as baby lays in-between my legs/feed baby if she cries.
5. once toddler is asleep bring baby downstairs with me for a sleep. As she go older I would put the baby in her room/cot for bed.

It isn't easy. My DH is military and I was always alone. 22 months age gap.

Thanks everyone, I know it will work itself out. There's countless things that I thought were going to be impossible with a 16mo age gap that I've managed to do so far and I'm sure this will be the same!

Glad to know that you've all been through this successfully!!

Ooh following as I will have a 3 yo and 9mo when DH goes away for 6 months and I need ideas! 🫠 I have a feeling everyone is going to end up with me 😂