To leave 3 month old with MIL?

[becomingfall]

Hi everyone. My little one is 3 months old and honestly a complete joy. He’s such a happy, smiley little guy but I am massively trapped in the depths of PND and PPA.

I’ve always struggled with SAD and being post natal is making this winter really hard. My outlet has always been CrossFit and I am desperate to get back to exercising.

I’m putting it off though because I’m so anxious to leave him with my DP parents. They absolutely adore him but they’re not my parents and I don’t feel the same level of trust/comfort around them as I do with mine. My baby is breastfed so when he has the odd bottle of expressed milk we pace feed him- I worry they wouldn’t do this, and this is the MIL that had already bought tubs of aptamil and banged on about the perfect prep machine all the way through my pregnancy despite knowing I was going to breastfeed. What if they turned their back for 2 mins with the dogs? What if he cries and needs me? I’m having such a mental battle with myself as I need this for myself so I can be the best mummy for him but my anxiety is so loud.

i saw this picture on tiktok the other week and it basically sums up how my brain is working at the min. How did you all cope with leaving them with DP parents for the first time?

@Paintmybathroom he coaches so would be there doing classes!

@MissBuffyAnneSummers i agree I need to do it as I think the longer I leave it the harder it will be. I’m trying my best to sort my brain out but it does feel a bit like climbing a never ending ladder

Firstly it’s perfectly normal to feel as you do, desperate for a break but equally not wanting to leave baby. There is absolutely no right and wrong- it’s simply and totally up to you. Decide week by week, day by day if needbe. I was in your position, personally I put it off until little one was on solids and less dependant on boob (she had allergies though so formula wasn’t an easy option). Could you go at a time dp is around with mil the first time, then he can be there and rest your mind that bubs was ok? Sending hugs hun- I know how it feels to be so desperate for something but so frightened to do it!

I personally think the positive impact of exercise and that hour away for yourself on your mental health and wellbeing (which would in turn benefit your baby) outweighs what you are concerned about, go for it and see how you feel, you don't have to commit in the long term just tell her you're giving it a try and if you don't like it just say - ahh the class is harder than I expected im going to wait a while longer.

Could she meet you there and take baby for a walk the first time? That way you'll feel less anxious about them being fed formula.

As a side note, I had a fitness class near me you could take babies to, have a look for one of those!

Totally normal to feel anxious about leaving your baby even with family for a short time. But it sounds like a good option. MIL has raised her family, and will develop a lovely bond with her grandchild. My wonderful late MIL regularly looked after our two boys as babies, she was a great help to me. Good luck

If I thought my mil would feed a 3 month old formula, there’s not a cat in hells chance I’d have left the dc with her. Mine never were fed formula due to many allergy reasons ( and cos I was a lazy cow and didn’t want to be sterilising bottles etc). Breast feeding was so much easier.

I know just how you feel. In real need of a break but not wanting to leave baby. I had very similar thoughts as the picture you've posted, and still do to a lesser extent and my son is now 20 months old. I chose never to leave him with my MIL as she proved herself untrustworthy and not safety conscious multiple times when she was holding after my baby or 'looking after' him whilst I was in the same place.

My in laws were desperate to have my little one, to start with we stayed when they had him and they gave him a bottle of expressed milk, we talked them through paced feeding etc. when I saw they had the knack of it I felt so much happier.

Maybe worth trying? When we were there just kind of left them to it and we sat down and enjoyed drinking a hot drink and food! Then gradually started leaving and it made such a world of difference to how I was feeling!