FTM to a 9 month old who has never been a great sleeper but over the last few weeks it has got dramatically worse. Waking every hour and needing about 30mins to resettle. Me and DH are knackered. It feels like we are back to the newborn stage. After 4 months she was still waking multiple times throughout the night but popping her dummy in or a feed would immediately settle her, so it was hard but just about manageable.
For context, I had really bad baby blues that lasted about 3 months or so and I got referred for CBT via my health visitor. I've finished the CBT course but I'm still under the care of mental health team and have review meetings every 8 weeks or so. A few months ago one of the MH team wanted me to consider antidepressants but I was against this because I didn't want to go down that road. And then I started to feel better anyway, more positive and a bit more like my old self. And I was starting to enjoy parenting and spending time with my child, and my relationship with my husband was getting better after a difficult few months. Looking back, this was around the time DD started sleeping better at night and we mostly got our evenings back.
However, over the past few weeks I'm beginning to feel like I did in the newborn stage. I feel really low and empty. I have crying outbursts when I'm on my own, and I can't even articulate why I'm crying, i think it's just that empty feeling. I get irrationally angry and upset about things, and when I try to explain my feelings to my husband I can't. I'm finding it hard to laugh and smile and be lighthearted. My husband took DD to his parents house today so I could have a break, and I just spent the day sleeping and lying in bed staring at the ceiling just feeling a bit numb and lost in my thoughts. But I also feel like my thoughts and feelings are so jumbled up in my head and I can't clarify or explain it. I know I feel empty and low but beyond that it is all just jumbled up in my head.
These feelings seem to have resurfaced over the past few weeks, at the same time as DD's sleeping has got much worse.
I don't know what to do. I'm beginning to wonder if I really do need to go on antidepressants, but then part of me is wondering if this is just sleep deprivation?
I hadn't previously thought I was sleep deprived because usually I'm quite good at functioning on little sleep. I'll be tired as hell but I'll make myself get DD up, fed, play with her, have a shower, get out of the house, keep the house tidy etc. But recently, it has been a real struggle. I'm lacking the energy and motivation to play with DD, take her out, or even shower.
I'm wondering if my current low mood is maybe an accumulation of the past 9 months of sleep deprivation that I have just powered through and now it is exploding? Or does this sound like PND? In which case maybe I need to give the antidepressants a re-think.