any tips on controlling my temper with a 2 year old?

[LittleMy34]

so DS is nearly two and really getting into the pushing boundaries thing - everything we suggest is met with a No and nappy changing or getting dressed/undressed are particular flashpoints - he runs away and shouts No and screams blue murder if you pick him up, and goes floppy and all the trimmings.

...anyway, I'm having trouble not losing my temper with him and shouting, and have had moments of feeling some really scary rage, not actually violent but scary enough! Trouble is, I know I'm still a bit all over the shop as we went through a termination about six weeks ago when our 20 week baby was found to have a very serious heart condition (other threads on that one) and so I think/hope that my losing it is all linked with that, but what if it's not and I'm just a rubbish mum who can't handle stroppy 2 year olds?

any tips on keeping my cool? anyone feel the same? There's been a few threads about toddlers lately that sound like it's a common problem!

bump

bump anyone?

well my nearly 2-year old can get pretty stroppy at times but am not sure I have any good tips- I can be pretty impatient, especially when I am in a bad mood for other reasons. And it sounds like you must be very fragile right now (am so sorry, it sounds like you've had an awful time).

If I get really annoyed I walk away and take a few deep breaths. And if things get really bad-distraction failing etc and toddler going into meltdown- I bung her in her cot til she calms down (usually quite quickly luckily). Otherwise grit teeth and ignore, try and ride it out til it blows over.

sorry hopefully someone more helpful will come along soon...

Hi, I have the same problems with my 3 year old daughter. Usually when dressing, undressing, nappy changes etc. I find it very hard to control my temper too. You are NOT a bad mum!!! I sometimes shout at my dd and I haven't had the problems you've had recently. I find walking away when she starts usful or putting her in her room for a couple of minutes, that gives us both chance to calm down. (not always possible in a rush to get to nursery!). I also say I'm going to count to 5 and if you don't do as I say I'll .... I usually confiscate a favourite toy or turn off the telly. She is usually very good but always plays up if I'm tired, run down or in a hurry.
Good luck with your son, and a big hug to you!

Hi - I know what you mean about the rage. I often feel overwhelmingly angry and though I haven't ever done it, feel that violence is just round the corner! I've tried to figure out what makes me feel so crazed and it is generally in circumstances when I'm upset about something else out of my control - eg feeling that I'm doing everything myself with no support. I know it sounds ridiculously obvious, but I try to 'pause' myself or just completely ignore them - it does pass really quickly. It's really easy to get caught up arguing with toddlers, specially verbal ones and then take everything personally. It's okay just to go in the other room or even lock yourself in the bathroom for a silent scream/swear! Hope this helps, I do really know what you mean, and rage can be really frightening - more so for yourself as they are usually fairly oblivious!

isn't it annoying when they go all floppy? that used to infuriate me. That and 'arch back' when you can't get them into anything fixed like a highchair, car seat, pushchair, nappy!

You know, you've been through a lot and it's always when pushed or backed into a corner that stuff comes out. You're not a rubbish mum. I don't know what to suggest because it's been SO long since I had a toddler and I'm sure I was quite crap at the time but take it easy on yourself. Don't sweat the small stuff. Talk to your partner if you have one. And do a lot of walking away if you feel your temper going.

My toddler is much the same. It's frustrating as hell, and really hard to keep cool and calm when everything is met with wails and refusals.

Getting dressed and nappy changes are particularly bad for us too, and I've found that I can either get more and more fed up as I try and cajole / distract / insist etc, OR... I can pick up the nearest soft toy, put on a silly voice and have the soft toy 'help' dd get dressed. They whisper in my ear and I translate ("Snoopy wants to help you put your socks on"). Dd loves it. It's a faff but so is negotiating with a furious toddler. Once or twice I swear I've barely been able to hold back the tears and messing about with soft toys is the LAST thing I feel able to do, but it's been that or shout or leave the room (causing further meltdown in toddler) and I've managed it. Faking cheerfulness actually makes you feel better about the situation your dealing with too; you can't shake with rage AND do a squeaky voice.

Of course, sometimes leaving the room is the best thing to do too. Deep breath. He's just a baby and they're just a pair of socks.

Very sorry about your termination. You must have been through hell and your hormones must be all over the shop. Don't be too hard on yourself - you're not a rubbish mum.

I am sorry for your loss, LittleMy. Maybe your reaction is to do with that - in which case it might be worth seeing the GP and asking for bereavement counselling.

In the meantime, a friend of mine once gave me the best tip for keeping your temper.

Imagine that your child is your friend's child. And the imagine that your friend is sitting in the corner of the room watching you.

It helps me greatly when my daughter is pushing boundaries.

Some really good tips and advice on this thread here by a poster called Redmist.

Bit more extreme than you are describing I think but some of it may be useful too you. HTH.

Sorry link should workhere

Good to know I'm not alone in this one, thanks for all the messages!

That's a great tip WigWamBam - best mate would certainly take a dim view of me yelling at their child....

also the silly voice/toys thing is a good idea - it's definitely worse when I'm keen to get dressed or undressed or anything quickly, I think he knows I'm trying to get him into bed or out to nursery!

I do try and walk away/take deep breaths etc, but sometimes it's just all a bit too much. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!

That feels a bit better!

no tips littlemy34 but i sympathise. i am having some ishooes atm and a nasty byproduct is a lack of patience with my 4, 3 and 2yos

hope things improve for you soon, and sorry for your loss.

My 2 yr old is slowly becoming a .... highspirited little imp who knows her own mind!!!!

She was screaming blue murder and crying hysterically just before bedtime. I walked away, imagined screaming "STOP" at her and being really cross, then I pictured me cuddlying her and calming her down. A much nicer and more effective way of dealiong with it so walked back up to her, took her in my arms and she cuddled into my neck and just calmed right down.

Count to 10 and think how being cross will only ever heighten a bad situation while cuddles and kindness can only dispell a tantrum, in time

And know that you are not alone

the sad? funny? worst thing is... i have tried the screaming back at them to shut it and do as theyre told... and it doesnt actually work. and then where are you? where do you go from screaming at them?

nope, its a mugs game.

I think the funny voices advice is very good! I do remember managing to surprise my two into doing things by suddenly pretending to be a teddy bear asking them to put their shoes on. Or picking up one of our terriers and saying they wanted them to put their shoes on so we could all go out.