Please help me resolve this awful sleeping situation

[TheStuffalo]

we have two DC - DS who will be 5 next month and DD who is 2.5. Each have their own room. For the past 18 months DD has been waking up at 4:30-5am screaming and refusing to go back to sleep and it's been torture. She wakes up DS with all the noise she makes.

On top of this, DS would clamber into our bed at around 1:30 and refuse to go back to his room (we've tried returning him, he just runs back into ours each time). The problem with him in our bed is he tosses and turns and I don't get any sleep.

a month ago we decided to divide and conquer and co sleep with each of them to see if it would resolve the early wakes and get some solid sleep. It worked for a few weeks but the wheels are starting to fall off.

I cosleep with DS in his bed (it's a double) while DH co sleeps with DD in our king bed. DS only wants me next to him if I co sleep with DD he ends up getting in with us at 1am.

DS is an awful sleeper. He scratches due to eczema, flip flops around, grinds his teeth and is generally a noisy sleeper. I went to bed at 10pm tonight but woke up at 11:30 and can't get back to sleep because of all the thrashing and noises he makes. I've tried escaping twice to sleep on the floor in DD's unused room but each time he comes to find me and starts wailing about how he wants me next to him so I've tried to settle him to prevent him from waking everyone else up.

we are trying to resolve his eczema but it's going to take time.

i can't co sleep with him anymore and am already dreading the Xmas break when I will literally be around him 24/7. My sleep is so bad I'm already making silly mistakes at work and my mental health is suffering. I'm a snappy angry mum and just feel so resentful about this situation and can't see a way out.

any suggestions welcome. Ideally I want a bedroom of my own (no kids or DH) where I can lock the door and put my ear plugs in until 7am but that isn't a realistic option.

I want to go back to separate sleeping but without the clambering into bed at 1:30 and then starting the day at 4.30.

any suggestions would be appreciated.

Why aren’t you and the thrasher in the biggest bed? More space may help.

mostly I would just keep pushing the doctors on the eczema. The impact on sleep is well known and absolutely awful. There just is no getting around it. When you constantly itch or are in constant pain, you can’t sleep or hold still. It doesn’t matter if you are 5, 15, or 50.

It’s the eczema that wakes him and keeps him awake. Until that sorted he won’t sleep through

@Ponderingwindow Thrasher wants to sleep in his bed and the mattress in thrashers bed messes up DH's back. We are getting a new mattress for Thrasher in January.

@Autumn1990 we are following the gps advice re eczema but are going to go back as nothing is working. I suspect me being in bed is making it worse as it's a bit hotter with two of us and I think his scratching gets worse when he's hot

Have you tried putting a fan on him? I know it's winter but you being in the bed is making him hotter & scratch more.

Cooling sheets can help.

also make sure you change them weekly at least. We flake more and tend to be very princess and the pea like about sleeping conditions.

he is probably too young for a weighted blanket. As an adult with severe skin issues, I have an open weave one so it is both weighted and cool. Helps with the thrashing immensely.

Also just have to throw out there, if you are about to crack from sleep deprivation that needs to be equal to back pain. I’ve got both, I get it, Your husband’s needs can’t automatically trump yours and your child’s.

Could you use the Christmas break for some tough love? You and your DH make a pact to each take each child back into their own beds each night that they come in to yours. Tell the DC that this is what you are going to do each night. It will no doubt be hell but surely if it works it's better than the current situation.

Could the kids share with each other?

You might have already done this, but get rid of anything in your home that has fragrance, lotions, clothing detergent, air fresheners, candles, cleaners, etc. Other possible triggers could be common allergens like down or stuff in the air. An air purifier is really helpful too. I was able to get my once-horrific eczema to completely disappear by doing this. I think allergy testing is massively helpful too if you have access. Sorry that's all the advise I have, I co-sleep so no wisdom here.

I have to second flowerchild2000. If it is bad enough to interfere with sleep, you should do a household purge of fragrance. It might be unnecessary, but it might help and it is the most likely cause.