How to navigate life with 2 children

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I thought I'd have a handle on it by now but I just don't. I have a 6yo and 9 month old. Dad works evenings so to say it can get a bit chaotic is an understatement. My youngest is so demanding that I struggle spending anytime with my eldest. (she is 9 months, I don't expect anything different). Any activity the youngest is just a whirlwind. Board games, lego, barbies/dolls she just wants to chew and eat everything. I bring her toys in but her sisters choking hazards are a lot more appealing that nothing keeps her attention apart from that lego piece or barbie accessory. Drawing painting arts she's there grabbing climbing knocking pulling things and stressing the eldest. The youngest just wants to be held or read books to (which I love she'll sit there forever reading) I could sit with her for an hour but 5 minutes with her sister and she's whinging climbing up my legs. I have a little playpen I put her in but she hates it and likes to be able to wonder about she will just cry and shout. I am relying on the ipad too much for the eldest. I set activities up for my eldest to play herself but she's not very good at entertaining herself and says she gets lonely ( bonus points if anyone can advise how to help independent play). I've been trying to put the youngest down earlier to get half an hour before bed with eldest and sometimes this works but youngest doesn't sleep very well so could take half an hour - hour to settle down at night with me having to go in and out anyway! I feel like a rookie with 2kids never mind people with 3 or more how do you do it!

Put the youngst in a stroller and go to the playground.
Let the oldest help you prepare tea and set the table.
Say no - you will have to do 'a lot of training' before your child will play on her own. If you keep saying 'well yes ok' then she will focus on that instead of playing herself.
Ask (and pay) a schoolgirl to come by a couple of hours to help and play.

It will be better!

I only have one toddler at the moment but we will be trying for another so interested to see what mums with more experience have to say.

My first instinct though is that your 6 year old is old enough to understand the rule that some toys need to stay in her bedroom and are for independent play or play with mummy when little sister is napping or not there (do you have family who can help with babysitting here and there to give you some time with your older daughter?)

So barbies and the like stay in her bedroom. I'm sure there are plenty of toys that would be safe around baby but still fun for big sister to play with you- Duplo, magnatiles, play kitchen etc?

Can you prioritise some mummy-daughter/daddy-daughter time at the weekends too to fill her wee cup?

Following, am in the same boat and don't know what to advise. I keep telling myself things will get better and I just need to survive this phase. Eventually, I'm hoping that they can play together more and I can have some peace and quiet again. Hope some more advice from someone more seasoned than me comes along soon. Fingers crossed for you!

Have been going through much of the same!

It’ll get easier when the youngest stops putting so much in her mouth which will happen soon - my youngest did this with EVERYTHING but almost immediately stopped around 1 year. Try to make joint games between the 3 of you - an Aladdin magic carpet you can all sit on and bring toys to, stacking cushions and pillows and making dens, dancing together to music, eldest does crafts while youngest rips up bits of paper or figures how to get stickers off to add to eldest’s drawing (then lots of appreciation for the joint product). I think all this can teach them to be friends and play together as little one gets bigger.

in terms of eldest’s independent play, give her little opportunities to do this, start small and short, and whenever you see her immersed in something make sure never to interrupt, so as to increase her focus and confidence, and then lots of (honest) praise about how much work she put into that, or how focused you could tell she was.

Things did get easier as my youngest hit the 1 year mark and started to run around and chase and do more games with elder.

good luck, it’ll get easier!

Heya, thank you for your reply I Really appreciate it. It's hard going to the playground in winter by the time she gets home from school it's pretty much dark! But I get your suggestion and will defo be trying when it gets lighter. We did go for walks in the summer which did help. And I think you're right with just saying yes to playing. I think mum guilt plays a massive part but also I like playing and spending time with her so I say yes as much as I can whereas maybe I need to pull back a bit with that and see what she can do herself. I very much like the school girl coming round to play idea I might try this thank you

@macaronicheezepleeze thank you that's a really good suggestion I will look around her room tomorrow and see what age appropriate toys I can pull out for both that may help thanks. She gets plenty on Weekends I just feel guilty for during the week

@Yumchips Heya maybe we can sail this ship together 😂. I always wanted a smaller age gap but it just didn't happen. Ofc there are big pros to this age gap with the eldest being so independent and able to follow instructions but there are still kinks that need ironing out!

@Spyrothedragonn I think as soon as she stops putting things in her mouth it will be 100% times easier but I couldn't remember when that happened 😂 and I agree I hopeful that when she does start toddling about the eldest can enjoy her more.. I don't know but one can hope! She loves her little sister and can't wait for her to start walking, but she does wind her up no end! Thank you zz

I agree it's much easier when the youngest is a bit older and stops eating everything! Mine is 18m now and we have give up restricting different toys. She's not interested in putting small things in her mouth any more.

My eldest is 5 and thankfully DH is around in the evenings - it does seem tough to deal with it all on your own. I only have about 1-2 hours on my own with them before he gets home but we split the kids between us and when DH gets home he gets pestered to play with DC1 while I put the DC2 to bed. I can only really have focused 1:1 time with DC1 when DH is playing with the DC2 at weekends, or when DC2 is napping (but that's during school hours so only relevant during school holidays).

I've found that as DC2 is toddling she likes to pick up and move around DC1's toys which she sets up like a play scene - so we still have problems with DC2 messing around with DC1's toys even as she's older! DC1 has moved some of her toys into her bedroom from the playroom, which I don't like all that much as it's a bit cut off (I can see the playroom from the kitchen).

@lemeregi the evenings are hard I'm currently off work back in March and we have thought about changing our schedules so we are both home in evenings but just what we're doing is working right now (apart from the chaos evenings) so we're just sticking it out a bit longer. It was horrendous when she was 3/4 months and wouldn't sleep and I would be trying to put the eldest down to sleep a ashe had school the next day whilst the youngest was screaming in my arms.. That was very testing times and we seem to be past that now a blessing honestly just different barriers to overcome but suppose that's parenting life isn't it 😂

If your eldest likes things like crafts and painting, can your youngest not join in with that in the high chair? Edible play dough and food colouring for paints might work with the youngest. Then get them to have a bath together.

I had a two year age gap, so it was a bit easier. I played stuff like Duplo, cars and train sets with my eldest while the youngest just kind of pottered about around us. Does your youngest not have chewing toys? My eldest chewed everything, still does now. I don't remember my youngest doing it as much, but he was a dummy monster.