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Original poster

Am I doing something wrong?

10 replies

testy1997 · 19/12/2023 17:37

I have two children under 2. I just feel like I cannot get my shit together. Everything is just chaotic. I'm constantly chasing my tail.

House and life admin is in the toilet. Don't even get my started on my personal care.

Practical things - toddler is in childcare. Baby is a clingy one. I have a cleaner. I have a more than hands on husband and dad. Minimal family support.

My question - how do you do it? Where am I going wrong? Any tips on how I can get some semblance of order back in my life and dare I say it, some me time? I'm desperate to go to the gym but actually can't even think when I'd get the time as evenings are full with cleaning up dinner mess, and general life bits.

All my friends and family with children and small age gaps seem to be fine and enjoying it all. I hate motherhood right now and what's happened to my life and mood.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Scarletttulips · 19/12/2023 17:39

You need to be selfish and let go of the reigns!

Tell your partner you are going to the gym x night every week - or find one with a crèche.

Then tell him he can with cook or clean when the kids are in bed - his choice!!

The worse part of the day is tea time.

stayathomer · 19/12/2023 17:41

Everyone who looks like they’re getting on ok with kids that age are faking it op, everyone is wrecked, trying to catch up, chasing their tails and kids etc. honestly! Huge huge hug

Lizzieregina · 19/12/2023 17:45

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I didn’t have “me” time till my youngest was about 10! So all those people that “look” like it’s all great, probably not!

You have to find a way to prioritize yourself, which will mean letting something else go to shit!

Maybe pick 2 x 2 hour slots per week, leave kids with dad and go do whatever it is you think will make you feel better, gym, hobby, personal care etc. However, as I said, something else will probably have to give and not meet your standards.

I’ve always had a really hard time with that, so don’t be me!

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bungletru · 19/12/2023 19:21

I don’t think anyone gets their shit together while kids are under 8 maybe!?
sounds like you have a good system though (hubby, cleaner, childcare)
sendin love.
it’s hard, I really want to clean my house and sort my paperwork out.. but I’ve accepted it’s just not going to be like before!

jadey1991 · 19/12/2023 19:39

stayathomer · 19/12/2023 17:41

Everyone who looks like they’re getting on ok with kids that age are faking it op, everyone is wrecked, trying to catch up, chasing their tails and kids etc. honestly! Huge huge hug

Totally agree here. I have 4 kids, 15, 9, 2, and 2 week old. And oh my anyone that says they are getting on fine are lying. My 2 year old is clingy. 2 week old needs my attention too. My older kids are OK and get on with it. But I spend at least an hour each with them at night. But as for myself.. wow, I have no time to do anything, honestly. Hubby is very hands-on, but he works night shifts, and when he comes home after a night shift he goes to sleep.

Just know mother to mother you are jot alone. Big hugs 🫂

DingDongBella · 19/12/2023 19:47

I’m not sure you need the gym when you have two under two. You are constantly on your feet running after them and lifting your babies. That said if it is something you want to do make it happen. As others have said just leave your other half to sort everything out for a couple of hours.
For what it’s worth I always ate with mine, even though that was early. Then they had tv whilst I got everywhere tidy. That meant once they were in bed at 7pm I could relax. That would also make it possible to do exercise at home.

HarrietStyles · 19/12/2023 20:01

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself at this stage:

  • Lower your standards with housework
  • Don’t put so much pressure on yourself
  • Slow down and just enjoy all the time with the kids that you can
  • Don’t care what anyone else thinks
  • Don’t believe anyone’s “perfect” life you see on social media
twankysaysrelax · 19/12/2023 20:23

What is your routine like at the moment? Maybe we can give you (and each other) some ideas to help.

I always feel under the kosh. I've had to lower my standards considerably, but the house is functioning and everyone is fed and clothed. I shower everyday, shave my legs, and do my best to keep my marriage alive! What else is there 😂

I have a 5mo and a 21mo, not in nursery, but my mum comes over 3 days a week.

Original poster
testy1997 · 19/12/2023 22:22

Thanks everyone for the kind words. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one feeling the strain.

Current routine is

  • up with a bang and get toddler ready whilst husband sorts baby. Get toddler to nursery.
  • Baby naps and I eat / clean / shower
  • baby wakes and wants holding / attention
  • baby naps I make dinner
  • baby wakes and demands aforementioned
  • baby naps and I do nursery pick up
  • bedtime chaos with grumpy baby with both in bed by 7

It feels like I should have time but I don't. And when I do I eat shit and scroll MN because I'm so overwhelmed!

OP posts:
HarrietStyles · 19/12/2023 22:47

All fed, no-one dead! My favourite phrase.
I’m sure you are doing amazing OP. Take each day as it comes and don’t put any pressure on yourself. When you have a baby and a toddler you barely have time for a cup of tea to yourself all day. Your baby will soon be able to play independently for little spells of time and you will feel a bit more human again. Honestly the baby/toddler years are all a bit of an exhausted blur in my memory! It does get better 💐

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