To want another baby

[Mamatoawonderfulboy]

Looking for some perspective.
DH and I always agreed we would only have one child, I was convinced that's what I wanted. It was a tough journey to get our DS, I dont think I could go through that again. However, I'm so so sad that I won't have another baby, it makes me cry just to think that the baby stage is over for me. My DH is not up for another and chances are we couldn't have one anyway, so why do I feel I want one so desperately? Does this feeling go away? It's been about a year I've felt like this.
Anyone felt this way and not had another child? Do you regret it?
I've actually found motherhood ridiculously tough so how I feel makes no sense at all!

why is your DH so certain only 1 out of interest?

how is this impacting your marriage?

I wouldn't say it's impacting our marriage at all. It's not like I'm begging him for a child and he's refusing, I'm mostly dealing with how I feel on my own as I don't fully know what I want.
It's a good question, I'm not actually sure why he is so certain of one, but I think because with one you have so much more flexibility to still have a bit of your own life. I was convinced of only one because I've always felt my parents loved my sibling more and I never wanted my child to ever feel like that.

I find it odd to decide in advance you'd only have one? Can't fathom deciding something when you've never experienced it. I think you should talk to DH about it. Doesn't mean he'll say he does want another, but you need to share your thoughts with him.

it would have hugely impacted mine as my desire for a second grew to be very important to me, hence me asking.

It's a good question, I'm not actually sure why he is so certain of one

have you not asked? this is making you “so so sad”, you “cry when i think about it, surely you need to talk to him. surely he is aware of this??

Is your child 1 now or what age are they? The hormones that make you want another are very strong for a couple of years after birth.

He is 20 months

You don't want to end up like the Radfords do you?

No, I haven't. I feel that I should understand what I really want before opening up that conversation. I don't know what I want, just that the thought of not having that baby stage again makes me sad. I can be sad about it and cry about it without being sure I want to have another

I will say, that I have 2 (and am done) and I still have sadness that the baby stage is gone. It's such a unique and special time when they're tiny and it goes so quick, it's hard to think about never having that again. So I think how you're feeling is fairly common. I suppose though you need to establish if it's just the baby stage you crave doing again, or if it's actually that you feel like your family isn't complete? I feel like I could do the baby stage over and over again, but when I think of them growing up and all that entails, I know I'm done with two if that makes sense?

@Mamatoawonderfulboy I think probably a large part of it could be hormonal, there's a reason why so many siblings are 2 years apart. My youngest is 2 1/2 now and the broodiness is easing off quite a lot.

It's mother nature. We are programmed to reproduce. It's nothing but hormones making you want another one, and possibly nostalgia that the baby stage is pretty much over. But you've still got so much to look forward to with your son.

You have very good reasons for sticking at one.

@MeinKraft thank you, that's good to know. I'm sure my age won't be helping that as my body is probably thinking it's the last chance!

@Girlsjustwannahavefundamentalrights thank you. Its a totally irrational sadness. I was just going through his old clothes today and it made me miss my little baby, maybe it's just nostalgia as you say

when you both said only 1… did you discuss why the pair of you felt like that?

you say that you desperately have wanted another for a year. That is a long time to have kept to yourself op

I completely get it, I absolutely don't want another baby, but I'd love to have MY two back as babies just for an hour or two.

It goes so fast & I was so tired on a massive learning curve, that I feel I didn't take anything in. It hurts my heart that I cant remember a lot of it.

But... they're here & growing & developing just as they should, and for that I'm grateful.

a year or wanting something desperately isn’t a flash in the pan

I think there is a big difference between being sad about not to be going through the baby phase again and actually wanting another child forever. The baby phase doesn't last that long. I get the impression you would like a 0 - 1 year old again, but not a 2 year old plus.

@MahShinyShoes this is exactly it, I miss my baby, he's a big boy now and I'm so sad the baby part is over. I don't know if that means I really want another or just miss that time in our lives

Perhaps you could have some therapy to dig deep in to what you really want?

For me I knew with certainty I wanted two children. I am on the fence about a third, and like you feel very sad about the baby days being behind me.

I love pregnancy and having a baby. I think I'd do it again and again and again if someone didn't stop me. My DH is pretty sure he doesn't want a third however and I lie awake feeling very sad about this whilst also knowing it's probably a very wise decision!

@gingerspiceandallthingsnice this also resonates. I've found all stages of having a child very hard so far, so it's not really like I loved the tiny baby stage, but I still miss it. Its very unlikely we could have another anyway, its a bit of a miracle we had one!

It's just a hormone thing. Completely rational to only want one and it's definitely true that you'll have more time for yourselves with just the one. It sounds like it's not really an option to have another so you just need to get through this stage and appreciate the child and calmer family life that you have.

Do you want another baby or do you miss your son being a baby and want to cuddle him how he was when he was so tiny? The second one is me !

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I definitely miss my son as a baby and wish I could re-experience that and cuddle baby again. Maybe I'm confusing that with wanting another baby. I've cried several times today looking at his old clothes. I absolutely adore my son as he is, I just adored the baby version too