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Original poster

My sister is pregnant but I feel pushed out ?

17 replies

Jasmine2502 · 19/12/2023 16:15

Hello .
I just wanted some advice on weather or not I’m being irrational .
I have a ds aged 2 . Since birth my parents have loved and treated my son . As all grandparents should . However my younger sister has fallen pregnant and she is around 30 weeks pregnant . She is still living with my parents . Since my son was around 5 months my parents have babysat every Friday so my partner and I can work without having to pay childcare . Since my sisters pregnancy started I have felt nothing but pushed out . My sister has a very nasty attitude problem due to new boyfriend and her boyfriend is a very nasty manipulative person . Since pregnancy we have all been pushed out , not allowed to scans , appointments or even allowed to buy her unborn baby anything . My parents have now said they cannot babysit my DS anymore as my sister is pregnant and is due soon . This was a bit annoying as they had him every Friday and feels they don’t want to babysit anymore as there is going to be a new baby . My partner and I have experienced nothing but vicious comments and nasty attitude from my sister , but my parents snap at me every time I mention anything to her . She has even been nasty towards my son . My parents do not want to address this problem as they said “ they don’t want to push her out “ . My parents were due to come fit my curtains for me as my partner and I have been extremely busy with work . However they have now said they cannot do it anymore as they are going to my sisters scan instead . So I am left without curtains and I have no clue how to do it and my partner is working most days . My parents and I are constantly arguing over this and the fact I feel pushed away .
what is everyone’s thoughts ? Am I being irrational? .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OnAir · 19/12/2023 16:22

Probably, have you and your sister always been competitive when it comes to your parent's attention? Re the curtains there's plenty of YouTube tutorials I'm sure you can manage it yourself plus it will make you feel better when the ask and you can say you have done them. Your little boy is 2 and it's your sisters first baby too, they are bound to be excited. I'm sure they gave you the same attention when you were pregnant. To be honest you both sound like you need to grow up now that your are and are going to be parents yourselves.

Torganer · 19/12/2023 16:27

Why on earth would you be invited to your sister’s scans. People usually only buy things for the baby after it has been born. I wouldn’t like baby gifts beforehand either.

Mrsttcno1 · 19/12/2023 16:37

I am currently pregnant (in England, so depending on where you are may be different) and I am literally allowed 1 person with me to attend scans and midwife appointments. I love my sister and mum to pieces but obviously when I am allowed 1 person with me for appointments about my baby, I’m going to take my husband as he is my baby’s dad- so completely irrational for you to be annoyed about that, yes.

I also think your parents are within their rights to hold off on babysitting your child when your sister is due. When
she has the baby, they will naturally want to be able to go see her asap, see if she needs anything etc. Respectfully- this is your sisters moment, it’s one time in her life when she is allowed to be centre of attention!

Surely you can see that it’s completely understandable that they would rather go to their grandchild’s scan than put up curtains? Kindly OP, you and your partner are adults, you can figure out how to put a curtain poll up, or you could pay someone to do it if it is urgent and can’t wait.

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Restinggoddess · 19/12/2023 16:37

Given time things will settle down - you have had lots of help and now your sister needs support
You are both lucky to get this

If this is all as a result of manipulative people - it will become obvious but at the moment you need to accept it’s her turn for the focus

Original poster

Jasmine2502 · 19/12/2023 16:39

Thank you so much guys , you are really helping me see sense ! I do have type 2 bipolar I do see things a little different I think . But this has really helped me !

OP posts:

Daisies12 · 19/12/2023 16:41

I'm not sure why you'd expect to attend her appointment or scans, and maybe she's paranoid about receiving baby items ahead of baby arriving safely. Sorry but taking your parents to a scan is a bit weird, given she has a partner. Kindly I'm sure you have had plenty of attention and support, and it's fair your sister gets the same once hers arrives

GreenWheat · 19/12/2023 16:42

It sounds more like you are no longer the centre of attention, as opposed to being pushed out.

Original poster

Jasmine2502 · 19/12/2023 16:43

What do you guys suggest I do to deal with her attitude and snarky comments ?

OP posts:

justalittlesnoel · 19/12/2023 16:45

Jasmine2502 · 19/12/2023 16:43

What do you guys suggest I do to deal with her attitude and snarky comments ?

Take the high ground! Ignore them, don't let the words have power over you. You could also be attaching more emotion / meaning to the words than needed, no need to spend your energy doing that.

DeedlessIndeed · 19/12/2023 16:47

OP, gently, I think you need to have a word with yourself.

You have perceived very normal behaviours as direct slights against you. Attending scans, prioritising support for the brand new mum about to give birth over mundane house hold tasks. Etc etc.

Life will always be full of drama and unease if you chose to see things this way.

Mrsttcno1 · 19/12/2023 16:48

Kindly OP, considering the attitude you’ve shown in your post here over perfectly normal things like her taking her partner instead of you to her child’s scans and appointments, and your parents wanting to attend a scan over putting up curtains for you, I’m not surprised if she’s got a bit of an attitude with you or has been making some snarky comments. I think you have to change your behaviour and attitude before you can expect to see a change in hers.

And just remember, she’s 30 weeks pregnant with (I’m assuming) her first baby, just give her some grace. She’s probably very overwhelmed and exhausted and doesn’t have the space in her mind to comfort anybody else right now. I love my sister to pieces but if she came to me tomorrow huffing that our parents were going to my scan rather than doing her curtains she would get a snarky comment back from me as well!

BrieAndChilli · 19/12/2023 16:53

The only thing from your post that I would be annoyed about is the chidlcare ono a friday so you can work.

Original poster

Jasmine2502 · 19/12/2023 16:55

thank you for everyone’s input !! Maybe I have been a bit selfish and need to take a step back to regain some sense ! It really appreciate your help

OP posts:

soosal · 21/12/2023 04:57

I would say your being irrational about everything expect the Friday childcare. Give your sister some grace, it’s her first baby she’s probably a little bit nervous and just wants everything to be perfect.

With that said, I don’t know why your parents would stop having your son? The babies will be growing up together at your parents house anyway. If your sister goes into labour you can always leave work to collect him? Maybe suggest that to them so they know you will come and get him should your sister need them for anything.

MargotBamborough · 21/12/2023 05:02

Honestly I think it is quite weird to expect to be invited to your sister's scans or to need your parents to put your curtains up.

It would probably do you all some good if you were a bit more independent from your parents.

The babysitting thing is a little annoying if this is what you are used to and especially if they haven't given you much notice. Can you or your partner change your working days so one of you is off on Friday, or look into a childminder?

Tontostitis · 21/12/2023 06:05

Since birth my parents have loved and treated my son . As all grandparents should .

Something about this sits very oddly to me. I'm a grandparent who adores my grandchildren and they've all had committed regular childcare from me but your attitude is off. And every Fruday night is actually a huge ask. Perhaps your parents are feeling overwhelmed. I think if you could try to think how they feel and why they want to step back a bit you might see more clearly.

ShittingPeugeot · 21/12/2023 10:36

I agree above, if I was heavily pregnant and my sister was mowing about wanting some curtains put up I'd be making snarky comments too.

Putting curtains up is easy. I think you need to work on being a little more self reliant OP. Your sisters partner may well be a nasty piece of work, but, there's a chance that he's just trying to enjoy his time preparing to be a new father and his girlfriends sister is whinging about certain poles. If he's said to your sister 'you don't need to worry about people like that / ignore your sister' I don't blame him really.

The childcare on a Friday, if she was 37+ weeks is sort of get. Perhaps your family are just a little bit stretched expected to do child care, do household jobs for you, with a pregnant daughter living with them.

As I said before, work on your self reliance and maybe the snarky comments will go away. You're not being pushed out, the attention just isn't on you now as deservedly your sister is about to have her first baby.

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