Non resident parent collecting outside of planned contact

[Christmascrazyalways]

Can anyone help with where I may stand please. Myself and ex have a 4.5yo DD who just started school near me (approx 1 hour from where ex lives), he sees her every other weekend assuming he doesn’t cancel - has never asked to have her extra days or helped out with half terms etc.

last Christmas Day DD was with me, her dad was invited and didn’t turn up or even try to call and wish her a merry Christmas until 3pm. It was planned he would collect her at 8am on Boxing Day so she could spend the day with him & his extended family - he didn’t show up until gone 2pm. Just painting a picture …

this year he has very matter of factly told me it’s his turn for Xmas, I advised no not going to happen. I do all the hard work all year round and I make it special - it’s not about presents etc but he won’t do anything other than give her a few colouring books and won’t even have put a tree up. My argument is if you can’t be bothered to have her on a random weekend in October for example why do you want her on Xmas

as a side note I have tried to be fair and share days and include him in everything since we split 3 years ago, but he doesn’t seem to care unless it’s to spite me so I’m fed up of half plannings things in case he decides he wants to see his child..:

i advised in writing back in September that he can either collect his daughter after lunch on Xmas day or collect on Boxing Day - he is adamant he is collecting her from school tomorrow and keeping her through to Boxing Day.

what are my rights? Obviously if he collects her I will follow him home and demand her back but 1. I don’t want my DD knowing anything is wrong & 2. I want to know where I stand legally…. Or any advice!

thank you if you got this far!!

It should be possible to talk to the school and tell them not to let her go with him.

Sympathies. It's a horrible situation when these men decide to be unreasonable just to make life difficult for you.

Don't send her to school?

Massive sympathies but just want to give the correct advice re school.
If he has PR, school cannot stop him taking her. He is her parent.
Could you speak to school and ask if you can collect 15 minutes earlier to pre-empt him?

He sounds absolutely awful. Honestly to save yourself the drama and stress over Christmas I wouldn’t send her to school and don’t mention it to him. Let him turn up to collect and her not be there. It won’t hurt her to miss a day or two and he sounds like a shitty dad. Hope you have a lovely Christmas op

I stand corrected aleC4

School can only refuse to let her go if there is a legal reason. If he has PR and is one of her named contacts then they can jot intervene.
Does she want to see her Dad?

Do you have a court order stating where she lives? School can't stop a parent from taking their child in the absence of a court order. Legally he can do this on the absence of a court order.
https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/residence/

If he tries to collect her out of dd's usual schedule school should ring you and stall him until you arrive. But keeping her off is best imo.

Don’t send her to school and be out all day tomorrow. Reiterate via text what you’ve offered him.

slightly aside of Christmas, going from one or two nights in fourteen, to over a week, isn’t what’s best for your daughter anyway

Just don't send her or pick her up early, remove the option of him even possibly picking her up.

If she wants to see dad she can see him on the dates op has given him, she is not being unreasonable to set terms for an unreliable Co parent.

Is there a court order in place? Does he have PR?

If there is no court order and he does have PR, there's very little you can do legally apart from apply to court for an order, which takes time.

Courts would usually order alternate Christmas with parents. So if you had your child for Christmas morning last year, then it would be dad's turn this year.

Regards following him if he picks her up and demanding her back, I would advise that is not the best idea as it will cause immense distress to your child and will not go in your favour particularly for any future court case.

Ugh thank you all for your responses- it honestly is draining as I know my DD has a great time with him and he is great when physically with her but outside of the every other weekend there is no contact. No phone calls/FaceTimes etc

I have battled through for 4 years but it’s constantly my plans that are cancelled, my work that gets let down last minute and now my child that misses out/gets let down because it is just impossible to make a plan and stick to it!

There is no court order in place, he is on the birth certificate and school have advised me they can’t not allow him to collect her although they can delay… Wednesday is her school nativity which she is so excited for so I’ll be sending her in. I did think to collect her earlier but I wasn’t sure if I was being a bit dramatic so I’m glad to see you all saying you’d do the same!

My poor DD this is the first year she is really understanding of Christmas and she wakes me up everyday saying how many sleeps are left…

I have told her it’s up to her where she is on Xmas & Father Christmas will come to both homes - I’ve repeated it’s not for mummy or daddy to decide but she is adamant she wants to stay home..

it’s so frustrating when you feel like you break your back all year doing 95% on the work but you have to share these special moments with people that only remember they have a child at Xmas!! Rant over lol 😂😂