Toddler hitting baby sibling

[eatsleeprepeat123]

I'm just not sure what to do anymore so any advice would be greatly appreciated!

My 3 year old keeps hitting/pulling down/pushing my 9 month old baby and I'm just not sure how to get him to stop!

I tell him off, I've tried using timeouts (sitting on stair for a minute), taking away his favourite toy for a while, etc. But nothing seems to help!

He was fine and really gentle until the baby started crawling, but now I think he gets annoyed as the baby crawls up to toys he's playing with, wants to stand next to him, etc.

Any tips to get him to stop being so forceful with him? I feel like I can't leave the room even for a second as it results in the baby being hurt!

Teach him how to play with the baby instead of telling him how not to. Keep it positive. Sounds like he'd just learnt how to exist alongside a new (immobile) sibling and now is having to relearn how to exist alongside a mobile one.

Stop taking away his fav toys, especially if baby is crawling and also taking his toys!

Baby won't remember this age but your eldest definitely will.

Janet Lansbury has some great podcasts on this. also Aha parenting.

You would be annoyed if someone kept pinching your things. Put yourself in his shoes. Show him how to react

Thanks for replies.

I'm always trying to teach him to play nicely and he does sometimes. Always saying be gentle, etc. I'm always moving the baby when he tries to get to what my eldest is playing with, but not always possible! Otherwise I'd be holding the baby the whole time, and he just wants to crawl!

I took away 1 toy to try and show consequences of pushing/hitting. I don't take them all away. This is why I'm asking advice as just not sure the best actions to take!

Don't leave them alone at all. Take eldest to the toilet with you etc. It just takes a second alone for your baby to get a head injury if pushed down onto something hard so make your play areas as safe as possible.

I would focus on lots of "mummy and me" time to help your eldest feel special and loved as now baby is older and napping less the eldest will be feeling a lot more pushed out than the newborn stage. If you can separate toys and play areas that might help during this period. Also narrate to your baby what behaviour you want from your eldest so for example say to baby " X is playing with that you can have this instead now" "be gentle with your hands please" etc.

Does your eldest understand what 'be gentle' means though? Do they know how to 'be gentle'? What does that look like? E.g in our house, 3yo wants baby to wear a hat, be gentle means '3yo, let me show you - softly put it in baby head like this..." actually showing them what 'be gentle' means (can you guess what we've been playing with this morning 😂)

My 3yo wants to play with my 7mo and can be over the top too because they're still learning how to play with baby.

Playpen for his toys, deck it out a bit and make a big deal of the fact that only he can go in it and baby can’t until they are older. Otherwise you are responsible for keeping them separate I’m afraid. 3 year olds just don’t have the capacity to not act physically when frustrated. Taking away toys is a totally meaningless punishment to a 3 year old - they are not going to stop and reflect on that next time are they?

A play pen can be useful.

Thanks - some very useful replies here!

@Isthisexpected exactly I can't leave them alone just in case something happens!

@KCSIE very good point. Perhaps I need to show him how to be gentle with things he's doing rather than just saying 'be gentle'. Could definitely help! I know he doesn't want to hurt his brother, he's just a bit heavy handed!

@VivaVivaa unfortunately I don't have the space for a playpen - although wish I did!

Going to work on explaining how to be gentle with the things he wants to do, and work from there. It's a learning curve for all of us, but the priority is the baby not getting hurt!

I used to turn take in the playpen. Sometimes baby in other times 2 year old in there.