Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

To now query the diagnosis of ASD?

37 replies

nurserythings · 17/12/2023 22:58

Maybe it’s wishful thinking but lately I’m feeling as if I’m not as certain now about dd diagnosis?

At just 3 years she was diagnosed with ASD. But at 3 yr 4 m started nursery and in 3 months has made so much progress so now I think maybe it’s wrong?

The nursery say she needs 1-1 support but her speech is so much better and she’s not violent with other children anymore she will not play with them but plays alongside. She can follow simple instructions now in a known sequence and is having less meltdowns there.

Suddenly I’m wondering is she actually just delayed and needs more time ? Or is is just that I’ve seen an improvement and that’s because the nursery are really good and it’s helping her autism not that she isn’t actually autistic ?

OP posts:
Ponche · 18/12/2023 09:31

Hi OP, obviously you know your DD best but to me, it sounds like you’ve seen an improvement as your DD is getting older and naturally things change over time plus the nursery are good at supporting her.

saturnspinkhoop · 18/12/2023 09:36

I wouldn’t be questioning it just yet, just enjoy the progress your child is making.

MyEyesMyThighs · 18/12/2023 09:55

There's no reason to question it, you won't gain anything and she's so young that you can't possibly know for sure yet.

My DD doesn't seem autistic, but that's because, since her diagnosis, her teachers are doing small things like sitting her in a quieter part of the room and making sure their instructions are clear. We also make sure she gets enough exercise and sleep, which makes a huge difference to her ability to cope.

The things you are describing as autistic traits are the result of overloading her and her being unable to cope. Instead of thinking she grown out of it, I would take it as reassurance you are doing a great job.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery General parenting SEN
Original poster
nurserythings · 18/12/2023 10:32

Are you sure it’s just my family keep having a go at me for getting her ‘labelled’ so now I’m doubting myself. If we go to the park though And there’s lots of other kids I see it as she gets upset and stims and has meltdowns but at nursery she is so relaxed and makes progress , is it just a good nursery and I’m doubting myself ?

OP posts:
OpenLanes · 18/12/2023 10:37

She's a girl so she'll be learning to mask in environments like school.
Be prepared for her to start melting down when she arrives home after holding it together at school as time goes on on and social demands get higher.

For her to have been diagnosed so young, especially as a girl, I would think there is very little chance of it being inaccurate. It must have been a very obvious diagnosis.
Have a read through the diagnosis report, it will explain how she met each of the required criteria.

Iwant2beJessicaFletcher · 18/12/2023 10:39

To me that sounds like nursery have listened to her diagnosis and made changes to her environment which are supportive to her & how she manages.

It's because of her diagnosis that she is progressing so much as they have made adaptions for her. If you took away those changes or the support they give her then she wouldn't be progressing so well.

Your family sound like they don't understand her diagnosis or how best to support her. They may be 'old school' who dont believe in ND ("it's just children being naughty") If so, please ignore them & carry on supporting her and remember it's her diagnosis that is allowing the nursey to support her so well.

llamaparades · 18/12/2023 10:43

It doesn’t sound like the diagnosis is wrong. We’ve had massive improvements with DS since having support in place. He also has improved with age. At 3/4 years of age he would scream the whole time he was nursery at 8 he goes to a sen school and is happy to attend and rarely has a meltdown as things are in place to prevent this from happening.

Original poster
nurserythings · 18/12/2023 10:44

Yes she does scream the whole way home every day she’s not unhappy there as weird as that sounds it’s like she’s just making a lot of noise and then does calm down after 1-2 hrs

OP posts:
DogDaysAreOverr · 18/12/2023 10:52

I have 2 DC's who are diagnosed with the same ADHD type. They cope very differently in different circumstances and if you spent time with us, you'd not think there was anything obvious to give them their diagnoses and that's because we are working really hard to keep them regulated.
If we went to a place they were unfamiliar with or that overwhelmed them, you'd see a lot of their behaviour changes.

You say your family think you have labelled her unnecessarily? Getting a diagnosis at the right time (ie before burnout or serious mental health battles have arisen) can be life changing for your child, so well done you.

User1343 · 18/12/2023 10:56

Sounds like your family aren’t supporting you or your daughter. Presumably through a lack of understanding.

You did the right thing getting her ‘labelled’ because that means you, your family, and the education system are better equipped to support her and her specific neurology.

That’s what we want to do for each and every child - fully understand them and give them all the space and love they need to grow into whoever they are going to be.

lifeturnsonadime · 18/12/2023 11:12

Your family need to back off with their opinions. They are the problem.

A diagnosis is essential to give your daughter the support she needs to thrive. Why would they want that removed? Don't they want her to thrive in life with the support she needs?

Many many children, especially girls, struggle to get diagnosed before the wheels fall off and end up school refusing and burnt out, is that what they want for her?

Masking in school or nursery and then letting off steam on the way home is common, especially in autistic females. https://www.theautismpage.com/girls/

Just tell your family to back off, or ignore them. No good will come of you asking for the diagnosis to be removed.

Autism in Girls & some typical traits - The Autism Page

A look at some traits that can be common in young autistic girls. Including masking, the coke bottle effect and anexiety.

https://www.theautismpage.com/girls

crazyBadger · 18/12/2023 11:13

My dd thrived in primary, she was a social butterfly popular, top of her class funny and outgoing...

Cracks started to appear in yr5/yr6. When there is much less structured play and more complicated social interaction...

You will be thankful support and framework already exists when she's older

Original poster
nurserythings · 18/12/2023 11:51

Thankyou so much everyone I feel much better now ! I was really doubting myself

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 18/12/2023 11:52

nurserythings · 18/12/2023 10:32

Are you sure it’s just my family keep having a go at me for getting her ‘labelled’ so now I’m doubting myself. If we go to the park though And there’s lots of other kids I see it as she gets upset and stims and has meltdowns but at nursery she is so relaxed and makes progress , is it just a good nursery and I’m doubting myself ?

Well then your family are being unfair. Going through a good patch does not mean she isn’t autistic. It’s actually really hard to get a diagnosis. Roll with the good times and see what’s working, it might not stay that way.

Newsenmum · 18/12/2023 11:53

nurserythings · 18/12/2023 10:44

Yes she does scream the whole way home every day she’s not unhappy there as weird as that sounds it’s like she’s just making a lot of noise and then does calm down after 1-2 hrs

So why take away her diagnosis and support?

Lelophants · 18/12/2023 11:55

nurserythings · 18/12/2023 10:32

Are you sure it’s just my family keep having a go at me for getting her ‘labelled’ so now I’m doubting myself. If we go to the park though And there’s lots of other kids I see it as she gets upset and stims and has meltdowns but at nursery she is so relaxed and makes progress , is it just a good nursery and I’m doubting myself ?

lol these are ND behaviours being autistic doesn’t mean you are miserable all the time.

It’s good nursery is working out for her. I think you need to change your attitude of autistic being a bad thing.

WorriedMum231 · 18/12/2023 12:00

It’s way to early to start questioning the diagnosis and it’s quite an early diagnosis as it is which would only usually happen if ASD was pretty obvious.

My advice (as a Mum of ND children), stop watching her, monitoring her every move, assessing her and just enjoy her.

Original poster
nurserythings · 18/12/2023 12:01

Lelophants · 18/12/2023 11:55

lol these are ND behaviours being autistic doesn’t mean you are miserable all the time.

It’s good nursery is working out for her. I think you need to change your attitude of autistic being a bad thing.

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all I just suddenly worried it was a diagnosis of the wrong thing perhaps ? But I can see now that it’s the fact the nursery are so good it just seemed like so much progress in a short time I started thinking and doubting myself

OP posts:
Ted27 · 18/12/2023 12:02

@nurserythings

if your family talk about her being ‘labelled’ you need to emphasise its a diagnosis. If she had a medical condition and was given medication which enabled her to function, they would no doubt see it very differently.

My son is 19 and away at university. He is light years away from the child I adopted at 8 years old. He has ASD, but he has learnt to manage and live with it. Most people on the outside don’t see it now, he ‘saves’ his behavours for home when he can relax and be his true self.
Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have ASD, its there and always will be.

Original poster
nurserythings · 18/12/2023 12:10

WorriedMum231 · 18/12/2023 12:00

It’s way to early to start questioning the diagnosis and it’s quite an early diagnosis as it is which would only usually happen if ASD was pretty obvious.

My advice (as a Mum of ND children), stop watching her, monitoring her every move, assessing her and just enjoy her.

Yes the health visitor said it was young but the referrals had started from 12 months when it was obvious there was something not quite right , and we had lots of other checks first like hearing tests and saw a paediatrician in case of generic issues so it was very thorough . I think just having family in my ear all the time criticising me and asking why I was pushing for a diagnosis has got to me as then suddenly seeing the difference in a short space of time as she was barely speaking at all - now she is listing things off constantly if we go anywhere she says everything she sees multiple times over and over so I thought suddenly she’s talking and talking so much more. It was like a word explosion happened !

OP posts:
Original poster
nurserythings · 18/12/2023 12:10

*genetic

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 18/12/2023 12:31

Ted27 · 18/12/2023 12:02

@nurserythings

if your family talk about her being ‘labelled’ you need to emphasise its a diagnosis. If she had a medical condition and was given medication which enabled her to function, they would no doubt see it very differently.

My son is 19 and away at university. He is light years away from the child I adopted at 8 years old. He has ASD, but he has learnt to manage and live with it. Most people on the outside don’t see it now, he ‘saves’ his behavours for home when he can relax and be his true self.
Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have ASD, its there and always will be.

Yes, tell your family that naughty is a label, autism is a diagnosis - and from everything you've said it sounds like the diagnosis is understandable. Autistic children can change and develop as much as any NT child.

Ask your family why they are finding it so difficult to accept that your daughter is autistic. Do they have a problem with her being autistic?

Original poster
nurserythings · 18/12/2023 12:53

itsmyp4rty · 18/12/2023 12:31

Yes, tell your family that naughty is a label, autism is a diagnosis - and from everything you've said it sounds like the diagnosis is understandable. Autistic children can change and develop as much as any NT child.

Ask your family why they are finding it so difficult to accept that your daughter is autistic. Do they have a problem with her being autistic?

Show quote history

My family I think are saying it due to outdated views that a diagnosis will limit things like career options for her (which I know isn’t true) but they keep saying me having got her a label will limit her choices and people will judge. Dh family have made a lot of noise about it being me pushing for it so that I don’t have to work and that’s not fair as dh has to do overtime (the plan was I went back after mat leave we decided to wait till dd is in primary school as it because clear she needed me with her for longer and they are saying because I had PND in over anxious and just don’t want to work and got the diagnosis to be a sahm)

OP posts:
Lelophants · 18/12/2023 13:20

nurserythings · 18/12/2023 12:01

I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all I just suddenly worried it was a diagnosis of the wrong thing perhaps ? But I can see now that it’s the fact the nursery are so good it just seemed like so much progress in a short time I started thinking and doubting myself

Show quote history

ASD is incredibly individual. You can meet 100 autistic children and no two will be the same. What else do you think it is? You can join groups online to discuss with other parents.

Mabelface · 18/12/2023 13:20

Jars have labels, medical conditions have diagnoses. Your family need to shut up, as they're not medically trained. Kids don't get a diagnosis easily! My own autistic eldest son had a language explosion at age 3 after him speaking his own language beforehand.

Once he was verbal, he could express himself much better and meltdowns really receded.

My family are all Nd, including me. I'm really glad that I know as that "label" has been life-changing. Your daughter having an early diagnosis means that the sort should be in place as she grows. That can only be a positive.