10 month old sleep - is this normal?!

[KeepCalmMumma]

Looking for some perspective on my 10 month old DD's sleep as she's our first and we aren't 100% sure what is normal...

My DD has never been a brilliant sleeper and we've had a lot of challenges with day and nighttime sleep, however we've recently turned a corner and things are the best they've been so far. Despite this, DH is convinced we still need to sleep train and keeps suggesting we put her in her cot and just leave her to cry. I'm not a huge fan of this and am not sure we've got a massive problem but don't have much evidence either way!

For context, up until DD was about 6 months old we used to spend between 3-4 hours trying to get her to sleep at night. We would sing, rock, bounce, feed... everything! She would eventually fall asleep in our arms and then we would very carefully transfer her into her cot. Often she would wake as soon as she was put down but eventually we'd get her down asleep. Naps would be similar - often up to an hour of rocking, bouncing and singing for her to sleep for 45 minutes. Naps also had to be contact naps - if we tried to put her down in her cot she would wake up and cry. About 3 weeks ago she started being put down in her cot for naps after being rocked to sleep for about 10 minutes. She still doesn't sleep very long (30-45 minutes most of the time) but I'm pleased that she isn't contact napping anymore. Bedtimes are much easier too - she often falls asleep during the bedtime feed or within a few minutes of being rocked to sleep, and will sleep 12-13 hours with only a couple of brief wake ups.

My DH still thinks we need to push to get her to fall asleep on her own from being awake, mostly to get her used to going to sleep at nursery (she'll be going to nursery in 3 months), and keeps suggesting just leaving her to cry. I'm not a fan of this idea and am not sure our current situation is that unusual i.e. 10 month old baby being rocked to sleep and transferred into cot once asleep.

Is this normal? Or do we need to work on getting her to self-setane? If so, what other options there are apart from leaving her to cry?

From my experience alone, do the sleep training because I'm seriously beginning to loose it. The crying doesnt last long if you follow the process. My mil messed it up everytimei tried to sleep train. My dd is 8 yrs old and still a bad sleeper, she gets into our bed every night still or wants one of us in her bed.she wakes multiple times a night, dh alarm goes off at stupid o'clock for at least 30-45min, and my alarm goes off at 6am, I hardly get any sleep at all. I can't function with sleep so I'm always feeling grumpy or sluggish!

We sleep trained our little one at 5 months and it’s hands down the best thing we’ve ever done. She sleeps 7-7 now at almost 10 months and it has give me back my sanity (we were on hourly wake ups for over a month before we went through with it). Like you we used to spend ages getting her down only for her to be up again within minutes and for the whole process to start all over. My partner was also v keen to do it from earlier on. In hindsight I’m glad we waited until I was ready too because it is difficult listening to them cry. Now we have a simple bath/bottle routine and she’s off for the night.

Probably also worth mentioning that naps were torture too, half hour at max when on me/in the car/buggy but more regularly 10-15 mins transfers always failed miserably. Now we are doing a shorter nap in the morning with a 2 hour stretch in the afternoon.

Sleep training was tough in the beginning but can really work for some babies and equally importantly families. Just make sure you make the best decision for you and try not to listen to people giving you ‘you should do xyz’. The research is so limited in this space and you know your baby best! It sounds to me like her sleep/naps are pretty normal for the age but again, you’ll know your little one best.

Totally normal to still need support falling asleep. I still give cuddles to my 2.5 year old to help them fall asleep at night. It's one of those decisions that is just completely up to you and what feels right. It's tricky when parents don't feel the same way about sleep training methods, so I really feel for you. But I urge you to trust your gut on what feels the right approach for you and your child. I wouldn't worry too much about how he settles into napping at nursery. My DD and DS both never napped in a cot/bed at home (always contact or buggy) but both settled into napping fine at nursery once they were generally settled in.

My boy is 10 months and has never been a great sleeper. Friday night was the first night he ever slept through but last night woke up for a feed at 2am 🤷🏻‍♀️

I tried sleep training when he started nursery 2 months ago worried about him sleeping there but honestly they somehow get them to sleep and they often say it’s been easy. I suspect because they get a lot more play time and other kids there etc, they hold my boy for a few minutes till he is asleep then put him down which is what we do now. Still hold him about 20 mins ourselves to get him in a deep sleep. Same with naps in cots, we contact napped til about 2 months ago and took a while but the naps slowly got longer in the cot too.

Are you sure the singing, bouncing, rocking is working? Because that doesn't sound like a great solution either!

I remember years ago coming home from an evening out to my SiL bouncing and jigging my baby around and him crying... she said he'd woken looking for his dummy and she couldn't get him back to sleep. I said she needed to lay him back down, light off and leave the poor boy to sleep in his cot. He was crying because she was bouncing him around and keeping him awake!

According to these studies on normal infant sleep around half of 12 month olds need some form of parental intervention to get them back to sleep.

What's she's doing is normal. Babies need to know that you're around at night.

Has your DH explored the various ways of improving DD's sleep or has someone just told him to do CiO and he's fixated on that method without reading up on the pros and cons?

If the thought of naps at Nursery are beginning to concern you both, I'd have a read of the No Cry Nap Solution

You'll just get 2 different opinions here - yes or no to sleep training.

I think the bigger issue for you is you and DH not being on the same page. Re nursery - I wouldn't sleep train just because of that - they generally manage to sleep at nursery because of peer pressure/some magic that nursery staff have. And if not, that's OK too but probably best not to worry about it until it happens.

Thanks all! It's useful to know about similar experiences, particularly with regards to getting ready for nursery.

@KateyCuckoo we tried just putting her down in her cot and staying with her, just in case the rocking was too stimulating, but she just cried so much that she became hysterical and couldn't catch her breath. I get the impression she's a baby who needs a lot of physical simulation in general, she's always throwing herself against me during the day! We definitely want to get away from the rocking but it seems like there's no massive rush for now.

Mine was similar to this until about 8 months maybe. She's nearly 2 now and sleeps through most nights. I sit with her at bedtime for about 15 minutes and just talk and sing (she doesn't want rocking or anything anymore) and then leave her to fall asleep. I think the trick has been a proper predictable bedtime routine. Also she only has one nap and I cap it at 1hr. Keep trying putting her in the cot and sitting with her, one day she won't cry I promise, she just needs to know she's safe in there.

Your baby is very young, I would say that if you are not wanting to sleep train then don't do it, because it will break your heart. I know people here will disagree but plenty of studies have evidenced that you are teaching your baby that you will no longer respond to them, so there's no point in them crying for you. That's really something that you need to be on board with emotionally. Also long term success of sleep training is not great, it doesn't take much to throw it out of whack.

12 hours with 2 short wake ups is really good tbh! I don't think any 'sleep expert' would encourage you to sleep train in this scenario. Definitely don't let your husband talk you into parenting in a way you're not comfortable with x

If you don’t want to sleep train, don’t do it.
I just came to say I have a 10 month old who is rocked and/or breast fed for every nap and at bed time. it’s completely normal and ok.
From what I’ve heard babies sleep differently at nursery so don’t fret about her being a perfect napper before she goes.
Don’t feel pressured to do things you don’t want to do. Supporting your baby to sleep is natural and good for them.

I'm a massive fan of sleep training, but tbh if your baby is sleeping over 12 hours overnight I would probably leave it. Unless YOU have a big problem with the settling to sleep?

If you do, I'd probably recommend a more gentle sleep training than cry it out. If you don't have a problem... if it's not broke don't fix it!