Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

"oooh you've got your hands full there..." grrr

51 replies

Fillyjonk · 15/03/2008 06:57

At first, I thought it was just a conversation starter, but no, it can't be because people usually then avert their eyes and walk on quickly, as though overwhelmed by their pith and briliance, or possibly as though afraid I will say "yes, here, have one.".

I would say, in the last few weeks, pretty much EVERY stranger who has seen me out and about with my kids (4 weeks, 2 and 4) has said this.

I don't actually object to the comment especially, more that EVERYONE says it. I mean, EVERYONE. I try to buy a coffee in starbucks and I have a QUEUE of people taking their turn to say it to me.

Also, while 3 kids is hard work, its not THAT bad. And because dd2 is in a sling, and the older ones walk independently, it is not at all the case that my hands are constantly full as such.

I mean, even if they do say put, what on earth do I say? "yes, its funny because actually I just wanted a kitten"? , "But look, now I can juggle!"?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

phlossie · 15/03/2008 14:20

I got 'You've got your hands full' followed by 'ooh you've had them close together' followed by 'and you have a third on the way'. Really, I don't. I was torn between pointing out that I would have had to got pregnant within 2 seconds of giving birth to be at a stage where I showed as my dd was 4 mo at the time, telling her that I hadn't had sex since giving birth, or telling heer I was fat not insane. Stupid woman.

sorkycake · 15/03/2008 14:43

On the subject of what NOT to say:

My friend, out shopping with 3 dc's and at the checkout received the following:

Ooh what beautiful children you have .....who do they take after?

Possibly the most back-handed compliment ever I'd say!!!

3NAB · 15/03/2008 14:45

Mine are 6 4 and 2 and I get it all the time. Would be nice if they ccould think of something nice and different to say.

last week the post office staff commented on how they could hear DS2 talking through the locked door. I told them there was a time we thought he would never talk so we love to hear him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

TsarChasm · 15/03/2008 14:51

Don't forget the old threadbare faithful 'Double trouble!' and then Fred Elliott style at a louder volume..'I said DOUBLE TROUBLE! Eh??!'

Oh my aching sides.

thefabfour · 15/03/2008 15:04

Needtoearn- my 4DC's are of a similar age.

As well as the constant, 'You've got your hands full' , I once had another mum come up to me in Aldi and say 'I don't envy you much'.

Now that really hurt as I had been really chuffed that they were all dressed, we had managed to get out and they were behaving well.

Why can't people just smile and say nothing?

hana · 15/03/2008 15:05

have only read op, and you know - it's just something people say to make conversation. not something to get worked up about

don't sweat the small stuff as they say

DrNortherner · 15/03/2008 15:08

People say this to me all the time and I only have 1 ds.

What does that say about his behaviour?

AnguaVonUberwald · 15/03/2008 15:09

Just to add a pregnancy one to this: Ohhh, aren't you huge!!! is NOT a good thing to say to pregnant women!!! Especially not when EVERYBODY says it including waitresses and strangers in lifts!

pointedegg · 15/03/2008 15:18

I can't understand why such simple social pleasantries are taken so very personally.

pointedegg · 15/03/2008 15:19

Do you complainers live in London? I know Londoners are not used to friendly chit chat with strangers.

Eliza2 · 15/03/2008 15:23

It's irritating but probably kindly meant. In Britain we're not good at expressing the positive things we feel about small children. I often think other women's children are lovely and sweet and well-behaved and a credit to their mother, but feel awkward about saying it because THEY are often awkward about receiving the compliment! Sometimes I just think to hell with it and tell a mother I think her baby is gorgeous because I WOULD have liked people to do that. I LOVED it when our lady GP detoured through the waiting room to come and tickle my daughter's toes. And I LOVED it when old ladies stroked her head.

But some people regard this and verbal admiration as being 'weird'. Remember that awful story one MNer told us about her elderly father admiring a baby in a supermarket queue and being told he was a 'paedo'?

sweetkitty · 15/03/2008 15:32

I've been asked twice this pregnancy if we have a TV at home.

3 children at age 33 I think I know about contraception thanks.

BroccoliSpears · 15/03/2008 15:48

I have a slight variation.

People see me with bouncing dog, energetic toddler and frankly enormous bump and sadistically grin "You're going to have your hands full", nodding at my groaning belly.

There is more than a tiny element of schadenfreude about it.

BumperliciousIsStillNotDressed · 15/03/2008 15:57

I have 2 gems"

Batty old woman across the hall: "doesn't she look like her dad? Well it's a good job really"

Couldn't tell if it was good because i am so ugly or because it confirmed her parentage. not sure if i prefer being a trog or a slapper

and yesterday a mother with a 3 mo in a pram as i cooed over her baby said of my 8 mo dd "they grow up so quick, it's a shame isn't it?"

i didn't like to say that i prefer my dd now much more than i ever did at 3 mo!

Nbg · 15/03/2008 16:01

I think people just say it out of admiration (or thats what I tell myself )

Although the other week a lady who was with her dh and what I presume must have been her grandaughter, looked absolutely horrified at my double pushchair, even more horrified when she saw that there were ds1 (19 months) an ds2 (3 months) in it.
She then strugled to get the words out "blimey you've got your hands full" and when I told her I have a 4 year old at school too she actually held onto her dh's arm and re-adjuted herself on her seat!!!

My friend was laughing for hours after.
I still cant work it out.

oooggs · 15/03/2008 19:43

are they twins? yes

are they both yours?

ByTheSea · 15/03/2008 19:53

When my four were all six and under I got that all the time. I don't think people mean to offend you, more just offering a bit of sympathy for those hard times.

hertsnessex · 15/03/2008 19:55

i only have 2 children, but as they are only 11mnths apart i often get told this. i just nod and walk on by! or else say 'no, its a complete joy' - that usually fazes them and stops any further comments!

RubyRioja · 15/03/2008 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Threadworm · 15/03/2008 19:58

And to add to the list of What Not to Say to the mum, how about What Not to Say to the Children.

My sons will curse you on Kidsnet if you say:

'What lovely curls you have'

'Don't you look just like your brother.'

--Or anything that requires any answer other than an eyes-downcast 'Phnumpf.'

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 15/03/2008 20:17

I still get the "ooh you've got your hands full" (DCs aged 6, 4 & 3) and now I'm also getting the "aren't you huge/very neat" (oh do make your fucking minds up).

Added to the fact that almost daily someone will see our Great Dane and jauntily say "you could put a saddle on him" and it's a wonder I haven't gone off of my head at anyone.

Miggsie · 15/03/2008 20:21

..people are trying to be kind although they are actually annoying.
I've lost count of the number of women on the bus who comment on DD, as in "she's lovely" and "what a lively little thing" and "she's so happy" and I expect they're the same people who comment on your tribe.
My BIL has twins and old ladies were constantly saying "ooh aren't they lovely?" to which my brother once replied "would you like one?" which really upset the dear little silver bearded old lady and he really regretted it afterwards.
I just grin and bear it, after all, many people complain there is no sense of community anymore and part of this is the random remarks to strangers to pass the time of day.
I have a mad aunt who does tours lecturing on "the importance of small talk" and how talking to strangers at bus stops about inconsequential things is vital to the human condition.
So it's sweet really.
Like when your 2 yr old smears jam on the cat...see it that way

TurkeyLurkey · 15/03/2008 20:25

When DS was a baby he was crying in his pram in Woolies when I just wanted to quickly pay for something then rush home to feed him.

The assistant was on ultra slow mode and said "ooooh, someones not very happy"

I snapped back "Yes, me"

I think I'd just lost my sense of humour completely for the fist month year after having kids.

readytoswiggin · 15/03/2008 20:33

Another one for the not to say to children:

Is that your new baby sister? (in a high pitched gooey voice)

Ds and dd1 (4&2) got sick of this after the first week, dd1 has perfected a glare for this ones!

I remember when dd1 was newborn, ds fell off a chair while up to no good, and had a shocking bruise on his cheek, all the people who stopped to ogle and asked 'what have you been up to young man?' were told he'd been beaten up by his baby sister

nappyaddict · 20/03/2008 16:45

my friend was asked when pregnant - oh is that you're first? she replied "no my 4th." he then said "my you have been a busy girl"

Flip

1 2 3