Entitled 10 year old

[ricecrispiecake]

I'm at a loss with my spoilt, entitled 10 year old DS.

A few days ago I asked my DS what he would like for Christmas and he showed me on his iPad.

Cut to today and I asked if I could borrow the iPad for something (I was going to get the link to order the gift) his response was "no, I'm in the middle of a game" ok fair.

I ask again 10 minutes later.. "NO I SAID I'm in a game, wait until I lose".

Another 15/20 minutes pass and I ask again saying I'd really like to use it to look at something his response was "OMG I HAVEN'T LOST YET STOP ASKING"

To which my response was "actually, forget it. I was going to use it to find the link for the gift you wanted so I could order it, but I won't bother now".

Queue enormous amounts of crying, trying to hand me the iPad with "you can use it now I've lost now". (He hadn't, he just realised he was gonna miss out.

But at that point I was past the point of caring, he was only bothered because he realised it was something he was going to directly benefit from. He apologised saying "sorry for not letting you use my iPad"
"Can you order me the gift now".

It all sounds silly written down but it's just the entitled behaviour that's bothering me and I know that I've allowed it but where do I go from here?😭

Well done for apologising and realising that you may have made this more of a big deal than it needed to be. I think that's such a key parenting skill; it's impossible to get it right all the time and really hard to admit when you're wrong, but by doing that you've been the very best example for him, and I'm sure that will pay dividends later on. It's not a bad lesson for kids to also learn that rudeness does really press people's buttons! So glad that you've decided to forgive and forget though and Merry Christmas!

Couldn’t you have ordered it on whatever device you’d have ordered it on if he’d never been bought an iPad by someone else? It sounds like you deliberately tried to wind him up and now he’s had to apologise. Pretty odd for a parent of a primary school aged child to be asking in mid December for present requests, never mind demanding the child’s own device to order said present on while he’s using it, confiscating the device AND threatening to make him go without it for not complying and then telling the internet how spoiled and entitled he is. There’s a popular idea on MN that apologising for bad parenting is the best parenting possible, but I’m not sure the kids on the end of it would see it that way.

Just go on his iPad when he’s in bed, he’s not to know you were going to do something nice for him.

DH wants a link from your phone, repeatedly asks for your phone that you are currently using and when he doesn’t get his way tells you he’s not buying you a Xmas present?

You didn’t want him to do something, ie get ready, brush his teeth, tidy up. You literally just wanted to take his property from him and didn’t give a reason. You’re being unfair.

Apart from the fact that I would never have given an item as expensive as an iPad to a ten year old, if my daughter had spoken to me that way, I would have confiscated it for a long time.

This.

Come off it. If your parents ask you for something or tell you do to something, you do it right away, It's called respect.

My kids wouldn't have the nerve to speak to me that way and I would never have spoke to my mum like that.

This. There is no way I’d have allowed my children to speak to me so rudely. That iPad would be in a cupboard for a very long time and while he was waiting for it back he’d be learning some bloody manners.

Actually I feel for your child here. He was in the middle of a game that he was playing on his iPad. I can understand why he was frustrated that you kept asking to use it and not accept his reply that you could when he had finished
Imagine if you were in the middle of something on your iPad and someone kept asking if they could use it before you had finished nit listening to your reasons of yes when I have finished .
He was frustrated and angry and ten year olds are not always great at regulating their emotions.
He doesn't sound at all entitled to me. He even asked you if he could buy the item himself now.

I could’ve ordered it on any device but he had the link on his iPad as that’s where he found it. I tried to find it on my phone but failed.

I also realise it is cutting it fine asking mid December for gift requests. I have asked him repeatedly and he’s said he doesn’t know. So I have bought gifts, things that I know he’d like but I wanted to get something that I know he wants.

When he told me of said item I got impatient and reacted unfairly and in fact, I was probably the one acting entitled.

And no of course in an ideal world I wouldn’t have to apologise for my bad parenting, it just wouldn’t happen in the first place.

Thank you, I really appreciate your comments. Merry Christmas

Your poor kids.

Come off it. If your parents ask you for something or tell you do to something, you do it right away, It's called respect.

That's not respect at all. That's obedience.

Respect is something else entirely.

Kid was using his iPad, playing a game in real time with a friend and was frustrated at the demands to drop it and hand over his iPad. Of course he could have spoken to OP better but as OP acknowledges, she also handled it badly.

The thing with respect is if you want your child to give it you have to demonstrate it yourself. Far too many 'he should instantly do as told' comments. He is a human being, learning how to navigate the world and relationships with others. He won't learn respect by demand.

I'm glad you worked it through OP

You took everyone’s comments really well but I have a feeling you would have figured it out by yourself pretty quickly anyway.

You sound like a really good Mum.

Hope your boy enjoys his present.

So are we saying we don't expect kids to be obedient?
@WorriedMum231 no I have a great relationship with my kids. They have boundaries and feel secure and loved.
They are children not mini adults.
Being rude is not acceptable.

"Come off it. If your parents ask you for something or tell you do to something, you do it right away, It's called respect."

In this situation I would have expected mine to say "can I finish my game first? I'll be about 10/15 minutes." I don't expect automatic instant obedience, no.

I feel sorry for you son. You’re behaviour was childish and totally unreasonable.

I’m sure you do.

Completely agree with @cunningartificer , while it wasn't the best way to handle it, you discussed, apologised and moved on. I think it is good for children have adults apologise to them occasionally. Shows adults are humans too.

Yeah that's fine of course. But she asked again and he threw a tantrum.

That's not acceptable

@misssunshine4040

So are we saying we don't expect kids to be obedient?

Actually I was saying being obedient isn't the same as respect. But as you mention it, no, I don't expect my kids to be obedient. We work on respect and model good behaviour. Nobody is expected to obey based on age.

Everyone is expected to obey in life.
It's starts in childhood by obeying your parents and teachers etc then as we grow, the law, marriage vows, work rules etc.

It's not a negative unless out of fear which is wrong of course.

I obeyed my parents because I trusted and respected them.

The OP's child was extremely rude in the way he spoke to his mum

Totally agree with this. I model good morals and behaviour but no I don’t want my children to be obedient. I want them to question things that don’t feel right and stand up for themselves if necessary.

@misssunshine4040

Blindly obeying people is not how we live at all. I can't relate to your examples.

I don't disagree that the DS was rude though.

Just take it. You're in charge, or at least you should be?