Out of patience with 2 yr old

[Orangepen13]

My child turned 2 last month, and it was like a switch. Everything is a battle and I’ve lost patience with it. She says no or ignores me or directly does the opposite to what I ask constantly (even though I’m careful to tell her what to do, rather than what not to do).

I try to minimise demands by leaving loads of time, keeping the place toddler safe, giving choices and letting go of things that don’t matter, but this isn’t enough. We spend lots of quality time together.

it’s really basic things like: going upstairs, going downstairs, having a nap, brushing teeth, staying in her high chair, not eating 456 snacks a day, not touching the dishwasher when it’s open, tidying up anything.

I can’t deal with it anymore and the last two weeks I’ve shouted at her and lost my temper so many times, just to be heard. I was parented this way and don’t want to do this to her, to rule by fear. But I’m all out of ideas. I know it’s normal 2 yr old behaviour, I just seem to have no authority with her at all.

how long does this last?! How else do people tolerate it?! I’m getting to the point where my only option feels like full time work, because the two days I’m home with her feel unbearable

Yep. I only got through that stage because I kept telling myself that developmentally the first three years are vital. And a lot of deep breaths.

I hear you, OP! My DD is almost 2 1/2 yet, and it's exhausting 😆. As well as the tactics you're using above, we're also having lots of quiet days - where we just stay at home and potter or do things that don't have a set start time (eg playground/walk) so we can go at our own pace and if she doesn't want to get her shoes on she doesn't have to and we don't go. Makes my day off much less stressful 😆

I have so many photos of (then) 2yo DS2 standing next to 12 broken eggs on the floor, or emptying a pasta packet into the washing machine. It’s a developmental stage, or perhaps a schema, kids that age just do these things.

Mine are 11 and 7 and don’t do this anymore

Do you tell her why she can't do things? I've noticed my 2 year old will do what I ask if I provide a convincing reason e.g. brush your teeth because there might be blueberries stuck in them. If I can't get her buy-in though it's much harder!

Have you tried popping her in a playpen when she is I’m the way/being naughty? Probably sounds old fashioned but it works.

Welcome to Toddler World!!
No advice really, just lots of big breaths & false smiles!
Toddlers are infuriating but just testing the boundaries!! When tucked up & fast asleep they are gorgeous!!
Now teenagers……

Are you a SAHM?

I hate to break it to you but this isn't going to be a short phase. Make sure you explain to her why she should and shouldn't do certain things, such as why she needs to brush her teeth. It will take a while to sink in, as she's only just turned two, but I had a similar tempered toddler and I found it always helped to explain things.

If you can afford it, can you put her in nursery or playgroup a couple of mornings a week? This will give you a break and reinforce what you're telling her at home.

Thank you all, it was a real low ebb yesterday. I think I know it’s all normal and will pass, but it is SO hard right now.

I do actually work 3 days a week, I guess I’m not that maternal because the idea of working more does really appeal to me. It’s hard being a full time mum!

I understand OP.
I can remember dry spaghetti being broken into lots of little pieces. Took forever to clean up. One of them spilled flour everywhere and started dancing in it. Screaming for no reason in Tesco. DS stole a next card from the check out at the supermarket and when I went to take it off him he hid it in his coat. Full face down prostration in M&S food, another time he wanted a Percy pig smoothie in the cafe then said he didn't want it straight after I bought it. DD grabbed a pack of socks on the way out of a shop from her pram and I had to walk back in with it. I was constantly counting to 10. Two year olds eh.

Try this OP.